Has your kid had a rough freshman year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard for these kids who had a critical time in high school marred by COVID. My dd is having a good, not great, college experience. She didn’t get into the sororities she wanted at a school with high Greek participation. Not the end of the world, but pretty impactful for a super social kid. She did join a service oriented coed fraternity. She belongs to pre med club.

Of her two best friends freshman year, one transferred and another was lost to an abusive romantic relationship (moved to a single when suite mates objected to problematic boyfriend always sleeping over and is now socially isolated with him). Third friend dropped out due to poor academic performance.

Despite all this, she has formed another core friend group and has been dating someone at school for over a year (she’s a sophomore). Going abroad in the fall and has an interesting summer experience planned. She is happy but it isn’t the college experience she had hoped for.

Your last sentence is accurate for my son’s experience.

Kids have a skewed idea about what college is like due to the fakeness of social media. We all know it can be lonely and hard the first year. My DD did not get into a top sorority and that was a huge blow. Popular, smart, kind and really pretty. Almost transferred. Stuck it out and is happy 2 years later. But still has a sadness about Greek life because 100% of her friends and roommates are in sororities. She says she has PTSD from rush and getting dropped on the last night.

This. I really emphasized with my kids that it's normal for freshman year to be hard. They've known my college BFF since they were little and I let them know we didn't even meet until junior year. It takes time, effort, patience.

+1. There’s a lot of peer pressure amongst kids (and parents) to display or communicate that they’re having a magical college experience. Things like Instagram make it worse. That’s not the reality for most. It takes time, patience and effort. I loved my college experience but it took some time to find my people and activities. I warned my ‘24 kid that it’s not going to be all roses and that there will be adjustments. They seemed to enjoy their first year but they did have to deal with things like being rejected from student clubs, competitive nature of the students, etc.

This is where I am hoping my kids HS experience (uber competitive selective NY public) will pay off. He's used to the grind, he's used to having to apply to absolutely everything (there's a joke among the kids that you have to apply to use the bathroom), and he's already got a tough skin for rejections. But his stats and EC that probably would have gotten him into an Ivy in a less competitive area were a no-go coming from his high school, where kids regularly win multiple national awards and the average SAT is above 1500.

This really depends on major. If in a hard science, especially leaning towards Mathematics or Physics, you will get steamrolled no matter what background. There are very few students who leave a physics program feeling they were fully prepared for the challenge ahead, and there's a bit of sacrifice made from the experience. But, if in a humanities or social science major, likely they will be fine.

The PP's kid probably goes to Stuy. But you are absolutely right. My DC went from a competitive HS and is studying Math and it was really tough in the beginning. There was a point in his second year where I was really worried. However, despite a few bad grades he figured it out and is fine now. He has friends at his school from Stuy and they were not immune to the struggle. Certain majors can be very tough. Freshman yr was tough but now he is doing much better as a junior.

[Anonymous]

Agree no one is immune to the struggle! I know a kid who won every math award you've heard of who was initially steamrolled by the math major classes at MIT. I think he'd never really been challenged before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS had a good first year academically but has had more trouble making good social connections. It is a little worrisome but he seems ok at home now.

I hope things improve for your DD! Covid did a number on this cohort in high school.

OP here. Totally agree. It is like they cannot function if it requires talking sometimes. I hate what it did to my kid. My younger child doesn’t seem to have these challenges. It’s like it stunted their ability to connect with people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP

Was her sport a club sport? Or trying to walk on?

Trying to walk on. No club available for this sport. They had a lot ofHS experience, but it was still probably ambitious to try out in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD got off to a rough start this year and it hasn’t gotten much better. She is at a large state flagship (not DMV). Tried out for a sport in the fall but got cut at the final round, so she lost a lot of opportunity to connect with others outside the sport. Came back in the spring and is still struggling to find friends.

I have read and shared plenty of articles about what she should do. I don’t need advice. I just need to know I am not alone and that next year will be better. I hate getting phone calls with her sobbing every couple weeks.

My DD has also not yet found her way socially at a large state flagship. I too hate the phone calls where I learn about very minimal social plans and eating almost all meals alone. I'm nervous about next year as she's living with people she doesn't know very well. I hate that leases get signed so early at her college.

Op here. TY.

Yes, same here. Eating alone. In her room on a Saturday night alone. Shopping alone. It breaks my heart.

[Anonymous]

DD had a very tough first year, sophomore year was much much better for her, so there is hope.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate all the responses. I didn’t realize how hard this year would be. I went to community college before transferring out. (OP)

[Anonymous]

Academically, no. But DS had a lonely experience for complex reasons and DD is struggling to land an internship.

[Anonymous]

My son told me he hadn’t yet found his people at his large state school, despite being active in a club sport and being friendly though not friends with his roommate. Had a bout of depression- a first. Still floundering a bit. Grades second semester he’s warning us will not be as good as first. So… right there with you, OP. It’s hard!

[Anonymous]

It’s hard. We as parents can draw on some of our own college experience when guiding our kids, but our kids are dealing with stuff that was not on anyone’s radar screen circa 1990. We did not have our middle school/high school social networks/support systems put to test by a pandemic. I’m not surprised that we’re seeing the fallout from that as our kids enter college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD got off to a rough start this year and it hasn’t gotten much better. She is at a large state flagship (not DMV). Tried out for a sport in the fall but got cut at the final round, so she lost a lot of opportunity to connect with others outside the sport. Came back in the spring and is still struggling to find friends.

I have read and shared plenty of articles about what she should do. I don’t need advice. I just need to know I am not alone and that next year will be better. I hate getting phone calls with her sobbing every couple weeks.

My DD has also not yet found her way socially at a large state flagship. I too hate the phone calls where I learn about very minimal social plans and eating almost all meals alone. I'm nervous about next year as she's living with people she doesn't know very well. I hate that leases get signed so early at her college.

Op here. TY.

Yes, same here. Eating alone. In her room on a Saturday night alone. Shopping alone. It breaks my heart.

At this point in the year, that is surprising. Did she rush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD got off to a rough start this year and it hasn’t gotten much better. She is at a large state flagship (not DMV). Tried out for a sport in the fall but got cut at the final round, so she lost a lot of opportunity to connect with others outside the sport. Came back in the spring and is still struggling to find friends.

I have read and shared plenty of articles about what she should do. I don’t need advice. I just need to know I am not alone and that next year will be better. I hate getting phone calls with her sobbing every couple weeks.

My DD has also not yet found her way socially at a large state flagship. I too hate the phone calls where I learn about very minimal social plans and eating almost all meals alone. I'm nervous about next year as she's living with people she doesn't know very well. I hate that leases get signed so early at her college.

Op here. TY.

Yes, same here. Eating alone. In her room on a Saturday night alone. Shopping alone. It breaks my heart.

.

At this point in the year, that is surprising. Did she rush?

No. Definitely not interested in Greek life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate all the responses. I didn’t realize how hard this year would be. I went to community college before transferring out. (OP)

That was my route also. Looking back, it was for the best. I don’t know how I would have done socially at 18; I was very sheltered and naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD got off to a rough start this year and it hasn’t gotten much better. She is at a large state flagship (not DMV). Tried out for a sport in the fall but got cut at the final round, so she lost a lot of opportunity to connect with others outside the sport. Came back in the spring and is still struggling to find friends.

I have read and shared plenty of articles about what she should do. I don’t need advice. I just need to know I am not alone and that next year will be better. I hate getting phone calls with her sobbing every couple weeks.

My daughter was miserable freshman year; hated her roommate, classes were much harder than expected, and she was worried about flunking one. She was very down and discouraged. We just got back today from her graduation this weekend; She got out in 4 years, Magna Cum Laude and loved her time there. College was a tough transition for her, and there were bumps along the way but it steadily got better. Best of luck that it works out the same for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD got off to a rough start this year and it hasn’t gotten much better. She is at a large state flagship (not DMV). Tried out for a sport in the fall but got cut at the final round, so she lost a lot of opportunity to connect with others outside the sport. Came back in the spring and is still struggling to find friends.

I have read and shared plenty of articles about what she should do. I don’t need advice. I just need to know I am not alone and that next year will be better. I hate getting phone calls with her sobbing every couple weeks.

My daughter was miserable freshman year; hated her roommate, classes were much harder than expected, and she was worried about flunking one. She was very down and discouraged. We just got back today from her graduation this weekend; She got out in 4 years, Magna Cum Laude and loved her time there. College was a tough transition for her, and there were bumps along the way but it steadily got better. Best of luck that it works out the same for your daughter.

Congratulations to your daughter!