Has your kid had a rough freshman year?

[Anonymous]

My DD got off to a rough start this year and it hasn’t gotten much better. She is at a large state flagship (not DMV). Tried out for a sport in the fall but got cut at the final round, so she lost a lot of opportunity to connect with others outside the sport. Came back in the spring and is still struggling to find friends.

I have read and shared plenty of articles about what she should do. I don’t need advice. I just need to know I am not alone and that next year will be better. I hate getting phone calls with her sobbing every couple weeks.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear. My son had a rough time. I think for most kids it does get better, it just takes a long time to meet other kids and connect with them. I have heard lots of stories of rough freshman years that turn around once the kid meets just one or two friends.

FWIW for mine it didn't get better and he took a leave of absence and is considering a transfer. Even though that's not the outcome I hoped for when he started college it is fine, he is finding his way and knows a lot more himself and what he wants to get from college. There are many paths.

[Anonymous]

Mine isn’t returning due to poor grades.

[Anonymous]

Same boat as you OP. Hoping next year will get better.

[Anonymous]

DS seems to be settling into the pattern of having a rough second semester, every year.

For some reason.

[Anonymous]

her sport was likely a large part of her hs identity if she was good enough to make it to final cut round at a large state school - probably feeling a bit untethered without it, so could take a short time to adjust. Or transfer to a school where she would make the team, ie nescac, or patriot league

[Anonymous]

My DS had a good first year academically but has had more trouble making good social connections. It is a little worrisome but he seems ok at home now.

I hope things improve for your DD! Covid did a number on this cohort in high school.

[Anonymous]

Mine had tough 1st semester at Cornell. I posted here a lot in the fall.

Joined some clubs and a fraternity. Appears much happier and upbeat. I think it’s the socialization and friends with the fraternity. Once one thing got better the mood equalized.

We were ready to support a transfer though if it didn’t get better in the winter. No point in struggling.

I’d talk about transfer options?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. My DD struggled her first year too. She didn't really connect with a few friends until late in 2nd semester. But they kept in touch over the summer, so a school activity together, and she got off to a much better start in 2nd year. She also has ADHD and resisted using student support services the first year but we made it a requirement for 2nd year and she's found it really helped.

[Anonymous]

Our kids definitely had some rough times.
I’m sorry it was like this for yours. The calls are really tough. I ended up visiting twice at those times.

I know you don’t need advice. Reading the parent FB page this year was pretty sad with a number of posts about miserable kids socially. It did make me wonder how many kids struggled socially in high school or were they super happy in high school and now experiencing what many people go through at some point. Some of the parents seemed like their kid had never struggled before.

[Anonymous]

PP

Was her sport a club sport? Or trying to walk on?

[Anonymous]

My DC has struggled this 1st year at Brown. Lots of competitive class mates, strong drug use and cliquey behavior in dorm has impeded making god friendships. DC has been pretty miserable. I've tried to be supportive from afar but DC is so sad and lonely.

DC is not a greek life person so that's a non-starter but did join a few clubs and has been trying to connect to no avail. The competitive social and academic vibe is not what DC expected of Brown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids definitely had some rough times.
I’m sorry it was like this for yours. The calls are really tough. I ended up visiting twice at those times.

I know you don’t need advice. Reading the parent FB page this year was pretty sad with a number of posts about miserable kids socially. It did make me wonder how many kids struggled socially in high school or were they super happy in high school and now experiencing what many people go through at some point. Some of the parents seemed like their kid had never struggled before.

Totally anecdotal, but it seems to me that a very high percentage of the unhappy kids had big friend groups and a very active social life in high school. Particularly if a kid was in the same school pyramid their whole life, they may not have had to make new friends since kindergarten. If they don’t click with their roommate or don’t make the team or get into the sorority they want, there may not be an obvious or easy path to the busy social life that they’re used to. The introverts don’t have very high expectations and just find one or two friends and expand their friend group slowly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC has struggled this 1st year at Brown. Lots of competitive class mates, strong drug use and cliquey behavior in dorm has impeded making god friendships. DC has been pretty miserable. I've tried to be supportive from afar but DC is so sad and lonely.

DC is not a greek life person so that's a non-starter but did join a few clubs and has been trying to connect to no avail. The competitive social and academic vibe is not what DC expected of Brown.

100% - Brown is the Vanderbilt of New England in this regard

[Anonymous]

I know you said you were not looking for advice but…she should consider playing club next year. The sports clubs at large schools are like playing d3 including travel and opportunity for national tournaments. Would she consider rush? Many girls we knew had a better time once in a sorority or some kind of group. Yes I have heard of other kids struggling. Parents don’t post the unhappy stuff on the gram. I use the summer for a reset including a conversation if your child wants to transfer. Good luck!!