Has your kid had a rough freshman year?

[Anonymous]

My ds also had hard time socially his freshman year and was very close to transferring. The culture shock really changed him has a person but in a good way eventually. He had a very tight group of friends in hs and struggled without that as a college freshman. He is a junior now at the same school and has figured things out and thriving.

[Anonymous]

Brown can be tough socially, particularly as a first year. There are a lot of kids with the total package: super smart and intellectually curious, athletic, great at something in the arts, ambitious, typically very attractive and uber hip and fun to around. It is intimidating and hard to find your lane… at first. After being miserable for 2 semesters, my DC is totally loving Brown. Tell your DC to take chances, put themselves out there. Go visit them a few times. It gets better.

[Anonymous]

I have a freshman at Brown, not a partier and not Greek, but very social when not studying which admittedly is a ton. Wish they could link up somehow, they’ve met a lot of nice kids and would happily include.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard for these kids who had a critical time in high school marred by COVID. My dd is having a good, not great, college experience. She didn’t get into the sororities she wanted at a school with high Greek participation. Not the end of the world, but pretty impactful for a super social kid. She did join a service oriented coed fraternity. She belongs to pre med club.

Of her two best friends freshman year, one transferred and another was lost to an abusive romantic relationship (moved to a single when suite mates objected to problematic boyfriend always sleeping over and is now socially isolated with him). Third friend dropped out due to poor academic performance.

Despite all this, she has formed another core friend group and has been dating someone at school for over a year (she’s a sophomore). Going abroad in the fall and has an interesting summer experience planned. She is happy but it isn’t the college experience she had hoped for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. My DD struggled her first year too. She didn't really connect with a few friends until late in 2nd semester. But they kept in touch over the summer, so a school activity together, and she got off to a much better start in 2nd year. She also has ADHD and resisted using student support services the first year but we made it a requirement for 2nd year and she's found it really helped.

PP, may I ask what services your DD found helpful? Thank you.

The main thing that helped is an executive function coach who meets with her weekly. That gives her an accountability partner to help keep on track and has taught her.some organizational tools she's found helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC has struggled this 1st year at Brown. Lots of competitive class mates, strong drug use and cliquey behavior in dorm has impeded making god friendships. DC has been pretty miserable. I've tried to be supportive from afar but DC is so sad and lonely.

DC is not a greek life person so that's a non-starter but did join a few clubs and has been trying to connect to no avail. The competitive social and academic vibe is not what DC expected of Brown.

Wow this is not what I've heard about Brown either . . . . Sorry you have to deal with that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC has struggled this 1st year at Brown. Lots of competitive class mates, strong drug use and cliquey behavior in dorm has impeded making god friendships. DC has been pretty miserable. I've tried to be supportive from afar but DC is so sad and lonely.

DC is not a greek life person so that's a non-starter but did join a few clubs and has been trying to connect to no avail. The competitive social and academic vibe is not what DC expected of Brown.

Wow this is not what I've heard about Brown either . . . . Sorry you have to deal with that

Hasn’t been my kid’s experience at all. Do agree it’s a lot more rigorous and academic than some people expect, many falsely equate open with easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC has struggled this 1st year at Brown. Lots of competitive class mates, strong drug use and cliquey behavior in dorm has impeded making god friendships. DC has been pretty miserable. I've tried to be supportive from afar but DC is so sad and lonely.

DC is not a greek life person so that's a non-starter but did join a few clubs and has been trying to connect to no avail. The competitive social and academic vibe is not what DC expected of Brown.

Interesting. I know 2 kids who chose Williams over Brown this year. They went to both for admitted students days and I suspect they picked up on that vibe (both are "non traditional," outdoorsy, intellectual kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard for these kids who had a critical time in high school marred by COVID. My dd is having a good, not great, college experience. She didn’t get into the sororities she wanted at a school with high Greek participation. Not the end of the world, but pretty impactful for a super social kid. She did join a service oriented coed fraternity. She belongs to pre med club.

Of her two best friends freshman year, one transferred and another was lost to an abusive romantic relationship (moved to a single when suite mates objected to problematic boyfriend always sleeping over and is now socially isolated with him). Third friend dropped out due to poor academic performance.

Despite all this, she has formed another core friend group and has been dating someone at school for over a year (she’s a sophomore). Going abroad in the fall and has an interesting summer experience planned. She is happy but it isn’t the college experience she had hoped for.

Your last sentence is accurate for my son’s experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard for these kids who had a critical time in high school marred by COVID. My dd is having a good, not great, college experience. She didn’t get into the sororities she wanted at a school with high Greek participation. Not the end of the world, but pretty impactful for a super social kid. She did join a service oriented coed fraternity. She belongs to pre med club.

Of her two best friends freshman year, one transferred and another was lost to an abusive romantic relationship (moved to a single when suite mates objected to problematic boyfriend always sleeping over and is now socially isolated with him). Third friend dropped out due to poor academic performance.

Despite all this, she has formed another core friend group and has been dating someone at school for over a year (she’s a sophomore). Going abroad in the fall and has an interesting summer experience planned. She is happy but it isn’t the college experience she had hoped for.

Your last sentence is accurate for my son’s experience.

Kids have a skewed idea about what college is like due to the fakeness of social media. We all know it can be lonely and hard the first year. My DD did not get into a top sorority and that was a huge blow. Popular, smart, kind and really pretty. Almost transferred. Stuck it out and is happy 2 years later. But still has a sadness about Greek life because 100% of her friends and roommates are in sororities. She says she has PTSD from rush and getting dropped on the last night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard for these kids who had a critical time in high school marred by COVID. My dd is having a good, not great, college experience. She didn’t get into the sororities she wanted at a school with high Greek participation. Not the end of the world, but pretty impactful for a super social kid. She did join a service oriented coed fraternity. She belongs to pre med club.

Of her two best friends freshman year, one transferred and another was lost to an abusive romantic relationship (moved to a single when suite mates objected to problematic boyfriend always sleeping over and is now socially isolated with him). Third friend dropped out due to poor academic performance.

Despite all this, she has formed another core friend group and has been dating someone at school for over a year (she’s a sophomore). Going abroad in the fall and has an interesting summer experience planned. She is happy but it isn’t the college experience she had hoped for.

Your last sentence is accurate for my son’s experience.

Kids have a skewed idea about what college is like due to the fakeness of social media. We all know it can be lonely and hard the first year. My DD did not get into a top sorority and that was a huge blow. Popular, smart, kind and really pretty. Almost transferred. Stuck it out and is happy 2 years later. But still has a sadness about Greek life because 100% of her friends and roommates are in sororities. She says she has PTSD from rush and getting dropped on the last night.

First sentence- so true. It’s painful to witness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard for these kids who had a critical time in high school marred by COVID. My dd is having a good, not great, college experience. She didn’t get into the sororities she wanted at a school with high Greek participation. Not the end of the world, but pretty impactful for a super social kid. She did join a service oriented coed fraternity. She belongs to pre med club.

Of her two best friends freshman year, one transferred and another was lost to an abusive romantic relationship (moved to a single when suite mates objected to problematic boyfriend always sleeping over and is now socially isolated with him). Third friend dropped out due to poor academic performance.

Despite all this, she has formed another core friend group and has been dating someone at school for over a year (she’s a sophomore). Going abroad in the fall and has an interesting summer experience planned. She is happy but it isn’t the college experience she had hoped for.

Your last sentence is accurate for my son’s experience.

Kids have a skewed idea about what college is like due to the fakeness of social media. We all know it can be lonely and hard the first year. My DD did not get into a top sorority and that was a huge blow. Popular, smart, kind and really pretty. Almost transferred. Stuck it out and is happy 2 years later. But still has a sadness about Greek life because 100% of her friends and roommates are in sororities. She says she has PTSD from rush and getting dropped on the last night.

I’m glad she is doing better and found her way, and hopefully the sting lessens for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard for these kids who had a critical time in high school marred by COVID. My dd is having a good, not great, college experience. She didn’t get into the sororities she wanted at a school with high Greek participation. Not the end of the world, but pretty impactful for a super social kid. She did join a service oriented coed fraternity. She belongs to pre med club.

Of her two best friends freshman year, one transferred and another was lost to an abusive romantic relationship (moved to a single when suite mates objected to problematic boyfriend always sleeping over and is now socially isolated with him). Third friend dropped out due to poor academic performance.

Despite all this, she has formed another core friend group and has been dating someone at school for over a year (she’s a sophomore). Going abroad in the fall and has an interesting summer experience planned. She is happy but it isn’t the college experience she had hoped for.

Your last sentence is accurate for my son’s experience.

Kids have a skewed idea about what college is like due to the fakeness of social media. We all know it can be lonely and hard the first year. My DD did not get into a top sorority and that was a huge blow. Popular, smart, kind and really pretty. Almost transferred. Stuck it out and is happy 2 years later. But still has a sadness about Greek life because 100% of her friends and roommates are in sororities. She says she has PTSD from rush and getting dropped on the last night.

Yes, pp here, my dd got dropped by her two top sororities on last day of rush. I wish it wasn’t a big deal but she took it very hard and still it occasionally pops up as an issue when girls are planning off campus housing, etc. . . All her friends are Greek as is her boy friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a freshman at Brown, not a partier and not Greek, but very social when not studying which admittedly is a ton. Wish they could link up somehow, they’ve met a lot of nice kids and would happily include.

Same. My kid had a fantastic first year--also not a partier. Not Greek--truthfully there isn't much Greek to begin which is what drew them to Brown. Great roommate and dorm mates, made lots of friends the first few weeks that have stayed strong all year. Got out of the dorm room all of the time as another poster suggested---was always at the field, the main green, the gym and did all of the studying in the library. Found it to be very friendly---rigorous but not stressful/competitive--but not a stem major.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD got off to a rough start this year and it hasn’t gotten much better. She is at a large state flagship (not DMV). Tried out for a sport in the fall but got cut at the final round, so she lost a lot of opportunity to connect with others outside the sport. Came back in the spring and is still struggling to find friends.

I have read and shared plenty of articles about what she should do. I don’t need advice. I just need to know I am not alone and that next year will be better. I hate getting phone calls with her sobbing every couple weeks.

My DD has also not yet found her way socially at a large state flagship. I too hate the phone calls where I learn about very minimal social plans and eating almost all meals alone. I'm nervous about next year as she's living with people she doesn't know very well. I hate that leases get signed so early at her college.