Parents: if you could go back to your kid’s freshman year, what would you do differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have figured out a "narrative" starting freshman year. Have my kid apply for relevant awards. Or I would have hired a college consultant to figure it all out for me.

I wasn't really attuned to the process until summer after junior year, which was way too late in retrospect. My kid had the grades and scores for an Ivy, but was a little short on "wow" ECs. Coming from NYC, you need the wow.

Coming from any big city, you need the WOW

I know what you mean. I had the same realization when my older kid applied in 2022. We changed our strategy for DC#2.

How did you find a narrative that early with your second kid? Given our experience with DC#1, it's hard to imagine doing this with our DC#2.

For us, DC#1's narrative took shape slowly, starting with a few experiences sophomore year, and then evolving over time. In retrospect, lots of missed opportunities - in part because whenever we tried to help DC shape the path or the narrative (or even accept that this was a priority . . . ) things did not go well.

In addition to being independent and not wanting to do things that did not interest them (completely fair!) DC did not actually know what they were interested in up front. It all had to play out, one class, one activity, one experience, one decision at a time. It seemed healthy and good for DC's development, but TBH, not exactly what AO's seem to want these days. (Neither of our kids came out of the womb pointy . . . . )

Anway, by senior year, certain themes emerged, along with a pretty coherent narrative. But there's not a chance in the world we, DC, or a counselor could have mapped it out in advance freshman or sophomore year.

As DC#2 starts high school, it feels similar. Not a lot to work with yet in terms of a potential narrative. Any advice?

I don’t have super great advice on this, but let them drive the ship and don’t over commit to any one activity (looking at you travel sports!) as much as we all hate this, the D1 athletes are already singled out by freshman year. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. It’s a shame that kids pretty much have to do travel sports just to make the public high school teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have figured out a "narrative" starting freshman year. Have my kid apply for relevant awards. Or I would have hired a college consultant to figure it all out for me.

I wasn't really attuned to the process until summer after junior year, which was way too late in retrospect. My kid had the grades and scores for an Ivy, but was a little short on "wow" ECs. Coming from NYC, you need the wow.

Same, my kid figured out her path in Junior year and started being involved with great ECs, but before that spent all of her time on travel/HS soccer. Not a recruited athlete and it’s one line in the common app. Thankfully she has the grades and test scores for T25 but the ECs that kids have are hard to match.

Travel soccer took so much time, effort and money. What a waste.

I'm the PP who asked for advice about our DC#2. I totally relate.

Both our kids LOVE their travel sports, but neither has ever had an interest in playing in college, except at the club level. So all that time and effort on their sport provides zero value in the application process.

Even so, for DC#1 it was the highlight of their high school years, and those experiences shaped and supported them in ways will will always appreciate. (We also didn't mind the travel . . . most of the time . . . ) My guess is DC#2 will have a similar experience. Different sport, but an equally lovely group of kids and families, and a great non-academic outlet for DC#2, as well.

So my big question is how your DD "compensated" for this in her applications. I'm so flad to hear that T25 worked out for her - what else did you cobble together for ECs or a narrative?

And more specifically, what would you have done instead if you could do it over? DC#2 will not be dropping their travel sport, so are there some other things you would have added earlier in the process if you knew? If so, what?

Thanks, from one travel parent to another! I truly do get the tradeoffs involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

My sons got all As. They played a sport. We told them to join at least one club they were interested in. I didn’t have to check up on them.

I was lucky because both my kids always were motivated to do school work, get good grades. I didn’t start thinking about it she certainly never stressed my kid out about it. We didn’t even really start thinking seriously until January of Junior year —just in a where do you think you’d like to go.

I wanted them to not have pressure or stress. It was just do well in classes, if you need help go to your teacher or ask us. Lots of learning to advocate for themselves and learn independence, that was the main goal. Step back.

Firstborn did very well with acceptances, didn’t even ED or SCEA and is at an Ivy and very, very happy.

I know this is not usual for boys. They also had no disorders or disabilities, etc. I think their peer group and the HS had a lot to do with it. Who you surround yourself with is the most predicative of how you will end up. Look at your 5 closest friends, etc. I was lucky they have great kids as friends. In MS, the younger one had a group I wasn’t crazy about- but those fell off as he went to private HS and no longer saw them.

Did you come just to gloat?

NP. I don't interpret this as gloating. I hear it as a parent looking backwards and trying to identify how their kids ended up with the outcomes they did.

No doubt some of it was luck (including the kids' natural levels of motivation, which PP acknowledges, and who they ended up being friends with . . . ), but even so, I appreciate the bolded advice above. As someone who risks over-thinking things sometimes, I found this both refreshing and valuable. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have figured out a "narrative" starting freshman year. Have my kid apply for relevant awards. Or I would have hired a college consultant to figure it all out for me.

I wasn't really attuned to the process until summer after junior year, which was way too late in retrospect. My kid had the grades and scores for an Ivy, but was a little short on "wow" ECs. Coming from NYC, you need the wow.

Same, my kid figured out her path in Junior year and started being involved with great ECs, but before that spent all of her time on travel/HS soccer. Not a recruited athlete and it’s one line in the common app. Thankfully she has the grades and test scores for T25 but the ECs that kids have are hard to match.

Travel soccer took so much time, effort and money. What a waste.

I'm the PP who asked for advice about our DC#2. I totally relate.

Both our kids LOVE their travel sports, but neither has ever had an interest in playing in college, except at the club level. So all that time and effort on their sport provides zero value in the application process.

Even so, for DC#1 it was the highlight of their high school years, and those experiences shaped and supported them in ways will will always appreciate. (We also didn't mind the travel . . . most of the time . . . ) My guess is DC#2 will have a similar experience. Different sport, but an equally lovely group of kids and families, and a great non-academic outlet for DC#2, as well.

So my big question is how your DD "compensated" for this in her applications. I'm so flad to hear that T25 worked out for her - what else did you cobble together for ECs or a narrative?

And more specifically, what would you have done instead if you could do it over? DC#2 will not be dropping their travel sport, so are there some other things you would have added earlier in the process if you knew? If so, what?

Thanks, from one travel parent to another! I truly do get the tradeoffs involved.

+1. I have the same questions, if PP is willing to come back and elaborate. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a no phones in bedroom and no phones/laptops overnight in bedroom.

When my HS kids came home, they had to plug their iphones in the kitchen. They were allowed to check them, etc. But when they were studying--they were studying.

That blue light and distraction and time suck is real. It was a PIA to get on board with it early, but it paid dividends as HS went along and now in college oldest has incredibly healthy habits. He also was always an avid reader.

I can see the difference in communication, concentration and mood when kids spend a significant time on their phones/youtube, etc. We also did not have tik tok.

My kids did not need this oversight for academic reasons (all at Ivies now), but I definitely wish I'd followed this/ implemented it before high school for social/ mental health/ general well-being reasons.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda. . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a no phones in bedroom and no phones/laptops overnight in bedroom.

When my HS kids came home, they had to plug their iphones in the kitchen. They were allowed to check them, etc. But when they were studying--they were studying.

That blue light and distraction and time suck is real. It was a PIA to get on board with it early, but it paid dividends as HS went along and now in college oldest has incredibly healthy habits. He also was always an avid reader.

I can see the difference in communication, concentration and mood when kids spend a significant time on their phones/youtube, etc. We also did not have tik tok.

My kids did not need this oversight for academic reasons (all at Ivies now), but I definitely wish I'd followed this/ implemented it before high school for social/ mental health/ general well-being reasons.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda. . . .

Oh that was my post you responded too. Mine are Ivies too. lol. I wasn’t as strict with the younger one as I was the first and I can definitely see a difference. He is more prone to waste time, procrastinate- check phone, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have figured out a "narrative" starting freshman year. Have my kid apply for relevant awards. Or I would have hired a college consultant to figure it all out for me.

I wasn't really attuned to the process until summer after junior year, which was way too late in retrospect. My kid had the grades and scores for an Ivy, but was a little short on "wow" ECs. Coming from NYC, you need the wow.

My youngest is a freshman. DC has pretty defined interests. Trying to get that narrative going.