Parents: if you could go back to your kid’s freshman year, what would you do differently?

[Anonymous]

I would have learned to manage my own anxiety before making my kid’s worse. Otherwise, I would change nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for wisdom or lessons learned from parents who are going through or have went through the process of supporting their kid through the college application and admission process.

Looking back with what you’ve learned, what would you do differently?

For a 9th grader, I'd suggest wandering into random college tours on your vacations. We attached ourselves to tours at Harvard, Penn, and Columbia on various trips. It's low-key and stress free. Academic tourism. But it gets kids thinking about what they want.

Also, math. If you're shooting for selective schools, you need to get to Calculus BC by senior year. That might require a little summer school if you are not on the right track.

And encourage your kids to just do their thing. There's no right way or wrong way. But passion for something will go very far in college admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would avoid the super hard class that everyone struggles through.

In my experience, you definitely benefit from taking a hard class that makes you struggle while you’re in high school. If you get hit with that for the first time in college, it’s not a good situation.

[Anonymous]

I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for wisdom or lessons learned from parents who are going through or have went through the process of supporting their kid through the college application and admission process.

Looking back with what you’ve learned, what would you do differently?

For foreign schools that need AP scores, have those in hand by May senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for wisdom or lessons learned from parents who are going through or have went through the process of supporting their kid through the college application and admission process.

Looking back with what you’ve learned, what would you do differently?

For a 9th grader, I'd suggest wandering into random college tours on your vacations. We attached ourselves to tours at Harvard, Penn, and Columbia on various trips. It's low-key and stress free. Academic tourism. But it gets kids thinking about what they want.

Also, math. If you're shooting for selective schools, you need to get to Calculus BC by senior year. That might require a little summer school if you are not on the right track.

And encourage your kids to just do their thing. There's no right way or wrong way. But passion for something will go very far in college admissions.

I think BC (or higher in some cases) is important for STEM, business, and Econ at top schools. But I think AB is often adequate for a history or literature major.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for wisdom or lessons learned from parents who are going through or have went through the process of supporting their kid through the college application and admission process.

Looking back with what you’ve learned, what would you do differently?

For a 9th grader, I'd suggest wandering into random college tours on your vacations. We attached ourselves to tours at Harvard, Penn, and Columbia on various trips. It's low-key and stress free. Academic tourism. But it gets kids thinking about what they want.

Also, math. If you're shooting for selective schools, you need to get to Calculus BC by senior year. That might require a little summer school if you are not on the right track.

And encourage your kids to just do their thing. There's no right way or wrong way. But passion for something will go very far in college admissions.

I think BC (or higher in some cases) is important for STEM, business, and Econ at top schools. But I think AB is often adequate for a history or literature major.

Agree. Was true for my kid.
Headed to T10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for wisdom or lessons learned from parents who are going through or have went through the process of supporting their kid through the college application and admission process.

Looking back with what you’ve learned, what would you do differently?

For a 9th grader, I'd suggest wandering into random college tours on your vacations. We attached ourselves to tours at Harvard, Penn, and Columbia on various trips. It's low-key and stress free. Academic tourism. But it gets kids thinking about what they want.

Also, math. If you're shooting for selective schools, you need to get to Calculus BC by senior year. That might require a little summer school if you are not on the right track.

And encourage your kids to just do their thing. There's no right way or wrong way. But passion for something will go very far in college admissions.

I think BC (or higher in some cases) is important for STEM, business, and Econ at top schools. But I think AB is often adequate for a history or literature major.

I did virtually nothing. Two very mature girls. They figured it out with no real help from me, except, of course, paying for it all. No one in my family except my twin was college educated, and while we had tons of books and a supportive intellectual environment in the home, there wasn't much focus on college strategy or discussions over it, other than again to indicate full financial and emotional support. I am not sure I was in tune with the college admission process. My kids jokingly blame me for their penchant for non-fiction, as most of the books we would trip over at home were non-fiction. I was more concerned with setting up a good home environment than college per se.

My wife was far better attuned than I was, but she is a big proponent of kids being very independent and we let the kids roll with the process. One thing we did do was stop at college campuses while on vacation or driving trips. It gave them ideas for the choices which were available. They both chose Princeton, which worked out with no debt and no trauma. Very fortunate to have such great kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

You would? Did you? Will you?

I mean, agree it sounds good. But will you do this with YOUR kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for wisdom or lessons learned from parents who are going through or have went through the process of supporting their kid through the college application and admission process.

Looking back with what you’ve learned, what would you do differently?

For a 9th grader, I'd suggest wandering into random college tours on your vacations. We attached ourselves to tours at Harvard, Penn, and Columbia on various trips. It's low-key and stress free. Academic tourism. But it gets kids thinking about what they want.

Also, math. If you're shooting for selective schools, you need to get to Calculus BC by senior year. That might require a little summer school if you are not on the right track.

And encourage your kids to just do their thing. There's no right way or wrong way. But passion for something will go very far in college admissions.

I think BC (or higher in some cases) is important for STEM, business, and Econ at top schools. But I think AB is often adequate for a history or literature major.

I did virtually nothing. Two very mature girls. They figured it out with no real help from me, except, of course, paying for it all. No one in my family except my twin was college educated, and while we had tons of books and a supportive intellectual environment in the home, there wasn't much focus on college strategy or discussions over it, other than again to indicate full financial and emotional support. I am not sure I was in tune with the college admission process. My kids jokingly blame me for their penchant for non-fiction, as most of the books we would trip over at home were non-fiction. I was more concerned with setting up a good home environment than college per se.

My wife was far better attuned than I was, but she is a big proponent of kids being very independent and we let the kids roll with the process. One thing we did do was stop at college campuses while on vacation or driving trips. It gave them ideas for the choices which were available. They both chose Princeton, which worked out with no debt and no trauma. Very fortunate to have such great kids.

Barf.

[Anonymous]

Double barf. Just go away, please.

[Anonymous]

If your kid got into top 20 please name the HS they came from along with these stories, for context.

[Anonymous]

Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would avoid the super hard class that everyone struggles through.

Then yours is not ready for an elite. BTW "everyone" does not struggle--someone ends up top few or top kid even, it could be yours--and even if they do struggle some it leads to great recommendations once they figure out how to succeed. For those who will fit in the elite schools they will have the desire to take the hardest classes in high school, and if they do struggle some they will be able to right the ship and succeed. If they struggle and the grade truly tanks then they were never meant for elite and there will be plenty of great schools that are for them. Point is has to come from them. No parent should discourage a kid who wants to take the hardest classes (presuming the teachers invited them in and agree it is a good idea). Every top-3 kid who gets shut out of T20/ivy at our private school either took the easier APs for the gpa race or was a total a$$ to teachers. Kids who took hardest classes but ended up with some A- or occasional B+ get in to T20 above lazy val/sals.

Plenty of kids and parents don't care about 'elite' or being 'ready' for one. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

I would do nothing differently for my current college student. I let him dictate his course load and didn’t hover. I let him choose his ECs and didn’t stress over whether he had enough or they were good enough. I paid for tutors when he asked but didn’t push. We were realistic about the odds for top colleges and while he was bright and hardworking, we didn’t ever expect those outcomes so there could be no disappointment. We didn’t buy into USNWR ratings. He happily attends UMD where he is crushing it. Our youngest is making his college list now. He chose not to load up on APs and doesn’t have perfect grades. He will be looking at colleges with high acceptance rates. That’s ok because we know he can thrive wherever he lands. We are reminding him we love him regardless of grades, test scores, sports accomplishments or college acceptances. My best advice is to watch the old documentary The Race to Nowhere. I was fortunate to watch it when my oldest was in elementary school and it really influenced my approach.

We need to show our kids that mental health matters more than top colleges.