Parents: if you could go back to your kid’s freshman year, what would you do differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do nothing differently for my current college student. I let him dictate his course load and didn’t hover. I let him choose his ECs and didn’t stress over whether he had enough or they were good enough. I paid for tutors when he asked but didn’t push. We were realistic about the odds for top colleges and while he was bright and hardworking, we didn’t ever expect those outcomes so there could be no disappointment. We didn’t buy into USNWR ratings. He happily attends UMD where he is crushing it. Our youngest is making his college list now. He chose not to load up on APs and doesn’t have perfect grades. He will be looking at colleges with high acceptance rates. That’s ok because we know he can thrive wherever he lands. We are reminding him we love him regardless of grades, test scores, sports accomplishments or college acceptances. My best advice is to watch the old documentary The Race to Nowhere. I was fortunate to watch it when my oldest was in elementary school and it really influenced my approach.

We need to show our kids that mental health matters more than top colleges.

The Race to Nowhere is so good! We watched it around the same time too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

You would? Did you? Will you?

I mean, agree it sounds good. But will you do this with YOUR kid?

Yes we will. We have two kids in private high schools in the DC area. We already made an investment in their education with private school for high school. And we will invest again for their last 2 years of college but they know the plan is to go to Montgomery College first. And the savings from that 2 years will be invested in them in other ways that help them get a financial jump start in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

It’s nice to be Warren Buffet, I guess. Meanwhile most kids already attend public high schools and work part time. College-bound kids without a lot of family money should know that most FA and merit money is only available to FTFY freshmen. And a kid without wealthy parents cannot “transfer to a school of choice” because nearly all transfer admissions are need-aware.

[Anonymous]

Take a foreign language to proficiency, test out of college language requirement, spend 1 month in any other country, add 5 mph to fastball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

It’s nice to be Warren Buffet, I guess. Meanwhile most kids already attend public high schools and work part time. College-bound kids without a lot of family money should know that most FA and merit money is only available to FTFY freshmen. And a kid without wealthy parents cannot “transfer to a school of choice” because nearly all transfer admissions are need-aware.

You are misguided on a few things. FA is not only available to freshman. It is absolutely available to transfer students. And all kinds of financial scholarships are as well. Also, the DMV happens to have some of the best community college's in the country. And these 2 year schools have high acceptance rates in their pipeline programs to 4-year colleges across the country including colleges and universities with more difficult acceptance rates for typical freshman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

It’s nice to be Warren Buffet, I guess. Meanwhile most kids already attend public high schools and work part time. College-bound kids without a lot of family money should know that most FA and merit money is only available to FTFY freshmen. And a kid without wealthy parents cannot “transfer to a school of choice” because nearly all transfer admissions are need-aware.

You are misguided on a few things. FA is not only available to freshman. It is absolutely available to transfer students. And all kinds of financial scholarships are as well. Also, the DMV happens to have some of the best community college's in the country. And these 2 year schools have high acceptance rates in their pipeline programs to 4-year colleges across the country including colleges and universities with more difficult acceptance rates for typical freshman.

FA rules changed for transfer students this year at many T25 schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

It’s nice to be Warren Buffet, I guess. Meanwhile most kids already attend public high schools and work part time. College-bound kids without a lot of family money should know that most FA and merit money is only available to FTFY freshmen. And a kid without wealthy parents cannot “transfer to a school of choice” because nearly all transfer admissions are need-aware.

You are misguided on a few things. FA is not only available to freshman. It is absolutely available to transfer students. And all kinds of financial scholarships are as well. Also, the DMV happens to have some of the best community college's in the country. And these 2 year schools have high acceptance rates in their pipeline programs to 4-year colleges across the country including colleges and universities with more difficult acceptance rates for typical freshman.

FA rules changed for transfer students this year at many T25 schools.

As you know, there’s about 3975 other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stress less. There are soooooooo many colleges out there. My kid got into all 10 he applied to and got better merit aid than I expected as a B student. Focus on what’s good for your kid and the whole experience will be easy.

Your kid got into all 10… so don’t stress … is not really super advice. Your kid had a great experience applying. I’m happy for him and you. For for those looking forward, this isn’t how it will work. I think people are looking for ways to be flexible, resilient, adjust as needed.

The stress doesn't help the situation. I think the PP gave good advice, and the kids feel it when the parents are stressing out.

Create a broad list and embrace all the schools on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a no phones in bedroom and no phones/laptops overnight in bedroom.

When my HS kids came home, they had to plug their iphones in the kitchen. They were allowed to check them, etc. But when they were studying--they were studying.

That blue light and distraction and time suck is real. It was a PIA to get on board with it early, but it paid dividends as HS went along and now in college oldest has incredibly healthy habits. He also was always an avid reader.

I can see the difference in communication, concentration and mood when kids spend a significant time on their phones/youtube, etc. We also did not have tik tok.

100%. This is all really good advice.

Also agree! This worked in our house.

[Anonymous]

Watch "Race to Nowhere" with your kid early on in high school and "Edge of Success" if they go to a particularly competitive HS with a reputation for a lot of stress/pressure/college obsession.

Make sure you have a mental health plan for your kid during the 4 yrs of high school - not just a college entry plan.

Emphasize to your kid that HOW they go to college matters more than WHERE they go.

[Anonymous]

I would work early to de-emphasize elite and “popular” colleges. Talk early about not following the herd.

Don’t talk a lot about college at home. It’s become the “main conversation” for many teens, and then they come home and it’s talked about even more. Build your relationship around shared interests and hobbies, not college conversations.

[Anonymous]

If I could go back I would think college when applying private hs. I would wait for hs acceptance and then dig deep into each school college counseling philosophy. Each school has their own philosophy and it is better to understand if this is a fit. Some schools have an application limit. I think this is a great thing because it is a kid stress reducer and there is an incentive for college counseling to really work with each student. You are paying a lot for hs and it is reasonable to expect this area of your school to be excellent.

Some schools will write recommendations and send out documents but will not advocate. We experienced this and it was cold. Whole experience was cold. Changed schools for second child and a world of difference. First child I was enamored with the trappings of beautiful school and fun activities and excellent classes. This is great but the college search experience was unnecessarily unemotional. I felt the counselor didn’t care about my child and it hurt. I was warned by class ahead parents but again thought it was not a big deal because we were not looking at a Harvard. Believe parents is the nugget there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I could go back I would think college when applying private hs. I would wait for hs acceptance and then dig deep into each school college counseling philosophy. Each school has their own philosophy and it is better to understand if this is a fit. Some schools have an application limit. I think this is a great thing because it is a kid stress reducer and there is an incentive for college counseling to really work with each student. You are paying a lot for hs and it is reasonable to expect this area of your school to be excellent.

Some schools will write recommendations and send out documents but will not advocate. We experienced this and it was cold. Whole experience was cold. Changed schools for second child and a world of difference. First child I was enamored with the trappings of beautiful school and fun activities and excellent classes. This is great but the college search experience was unnecessarily unemotional. I felt the counselor didn’t care about my child and it hurt. I was warned by class ahead parents but again thought it was not a big deal because we were not looking at a Harvard. Believe parents is the nugget there.

Where did your kids end up (colleges)? Where were they aiming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another suggestion to encourage friendships with great kids. Positive peer pressure is a fabulous thing.

I’m skeptical that you can have that much control over it. Other than putting them in a school with good demographics, once you drop them off in the morning, they’re going to choose who they associate with and there’s not much you can do about it.

My kids are at a HS with a 55% farms rate and they have the nicest friends from all backgrounds. I don’t think it’s demographics. I think it really is if you fall in with the rebels/partiers vs the dorkier kids who don’t get invited to the parties but are just as happy getting boba and hanging out

[Anonymous]

Go where you are going to be the happiest and forget about the rat race of applying to top schools where you will be miserable.