Parents: if you could go back to your kid’s freshman year, what would you do differently?

[Anonymous]

I am looking for wisdom or lessons learned from parents who are going through or have went through the process of supporting their kid through the college application and admission process.

Looking back with what you’ve learned, what would you do differently?

[Anonymous]

Stress less. There are soooooooo many colleges out there. My kid got into all 10 he applied to and got better merit aid than I expected as a B student. Focus on what’s good for your kid and the whole experience will be easy.

[Anonymous]

I would restructure his high school years so that he basically had no essential classes during his senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stress less. There are soooooooo many colleges out there. My kid got into all 10 he applied to and got better merit aid than I expected as a B student. Focus on what’s good for your kid and the whole experience will be easy.

Your kid got into all 10… so don’t stress … is not really super advice. Your kid had a great experience applying. I’m happy for him and you. For for those looking forward, this isn’t how it will work. I think people are looking for ways to be flexible, resilient, adjust as needed.

[Anonymous]

I would have visited St. Olaf earlier in the process. My kids didn't end up going there, but it is such a solid pick, and with a relatively high ~48% admit rate, it would have removed some stress about finding other likely schools if I had known it was such a good option.

A thing we did that I'd recommend to others: We did apply to Pitt in August, and I'm glad we had an acceptance in hand by early October.

[Anonymous]

Help your student set reasonable expectations by compiling a truly balanced list. Truly balanced, based on current admission rates and your DC’s high school’s track record with each. That will set them up for success and lessen stress.
Find safeties they like. Don’t over visit reaches. Do some visits for sure though and even some interviews when possible. Discourage the dream school concept. Do some EA apps.
Be the earliest to request LOCs from their teachers. Early spring of junior year.
If their guidance counselor has you the parent complete a brag sheet, make it really complete so the GC can largely base their letter on that.
Your memories of the process from the old days and in fact many of your own personal experiences have little relevance to today.
Help your student take ownership of their process - for some that’s a gradual thing but they need to increasingly lead it.
Summer before college starts can be stressful and they can get irritable. You setting the tone by being calm and encouraging them to make lists etc with plenty of lead time will help.
It will be fine, remember it’s more their lived stress than ours. Stay calm.

[Anonymous]

- managed by kid fine, underestimated how much managing my husband would need.

[Anonymous]

Nothing.

My sons got all As. They played a sport. We told them to join at least one club they were interested in. I didn’t have to check up on them.

I was lucky because both my kids always were motivated to do school work, get good grades. I didn’t start thinking about it she certainly never stressed my kid out about it. We didn’t even really start thinking seriously until January of Junior year —just in a where do you think you’d like to go.

I wanted them to not have pressure or stress. It was just do well in classes, if you need help go to your teacher or ask us. Lots of learning to advocate for themselves and learn independence, that was the main goal. Step back.

Firstborn did very well with acceptances, didn’t even ED or SCEA and is at an Ivy and very, very happy.

I know this is not usual for boys. They also had no disorders or disabilities, etc. I think their peer group and the HS had a lot to do with it. Who you surround yourself with is the most predicative of how you will end up. Look at your 5 closest friends, etc. I was lucky they have great kids as friends. In MS, the younger one had a group I wasn’t crazy about- but those fell off as he went to private HS and no longer saw them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would restructure his high school years so that he basically had no essential classes during his senior year.

Wtf? No. Of the kid wants to attend a T0/20, Senior year courses matter. Common app has you list them. Schools don’t like to see a slack senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would restructure his high school years so that he basically had no essential classes during his senior year.

Wtf? No. Of the kid wants to attend a T0/20, Senior year courses matter. Common app has you list them. Schools don’t like to see a slack senior year.

^ even if you apply early- you list the courses you are taking. And, then if a kid doesn’t get in early- the senior mid year transcript gets sent to schools. You don’t want to limit their options.

[Anonymous]

Take a big family vacation before junior year because that year was the hardest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for wisdom or lessons learned from parents who are going through or have went through the process of supporting their kid through the college application and admission process.

Looking back with what you’ve learned, what would you do differently?

OP, I'm confused. Title references "freshman year" (HS? College?), but bold above occurs during senior year of HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a big family vacation before junior year because that year was the hardest.

Junior year is definitely the toughest. I always would reference how it would ease up and my Dec Senior year they would feel so free. Perspective.

[Anonymous]

Son is a college freshman at a top SLAC. He prioritized having fun alongside a heavy academic (IB DP) and athletic load. He had many classmates that sacrificed a social life to give the best shot at the Ivy League & the like. Most of these kids did not get in and ended up at a similar (and one even the same SLAC) school as him (they literally gave up their life in high school for achievement). Our daughter is now in Grade 10 & is more 'tightly wound.' We have encouraged her to focus more on developing meaningful relationships/friendships than go for an A+ on every test/stress about finding some weird niche activity.

[Anonymous]

Make sure he was on a suitable academic track for him across math, science, english, history, spanish.

In some cases, the school did a reasonable placement job, but in one case he was inexplicably placed into a lower track. We think it was a clerical error, but we did not discover the issue until too late to fix for that year.