Parents: if you could go back to your kid’s freshman year, what would you do differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take a big family vacation before junior year because that year was the hardest.

Junior year is definitely the toughest. I always would reference how it would ease up and my Dec Senior year they would feel so free. Perspective.

Senior year has definitely been the toughest for my DS.

[Anonymous]

Ask for access to Naviance / Maia data early. My DC didn't get access until the second half of Junior year.

Use that information to understand how your child is being tracked by the school. For example, are they capable of more but they are not being given the same opportunity to hit certain weighted GPAs / take the most rigorous courses?

Also, use the data to understand the school's relationship with different universities. This will not be evenly distributed. Use those insights to form a preliminary list of unis to research and visit widely in Junior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worry less, trust the high school. They landed at T10/ivy and had many other top choices. They succeeded once there because the high school was rigorous and the were better prepared for the depth and pace than half their new classmates

ah so naive.

Not naive. Currently have a junior and the other two (HS 21 and HS23) are at different t10/ivies and thriving. A subset of friends there did not come in as prepared. Sure elites are competitive but many kids are ready for it.

Not sure what your point is, but this comes across as utterly obnoxious. Barf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another suggestion to encourage friendships with great kids. Positive peer pressure is a fabulous thing.

I’m skeptical that you can have that much control over it. Other than putting them in a school with good demographics, once you drop them off in the morning, they’re going to choose who they associate with and there’s not much you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

Not worry so much. My oldest is at a college I'd never heard of (I'm Canadian so only was familiar with the 25-30 highest profile unis in the US) and he's so happy there and is doing cool research and about to graduate and on his way to a very exciting grad school opportunity. My middle is in her freshman year at a middle of the road LAC and thriving. My youngest wants to follow her there and ED to the same school since she's having such a wonderful experience!

There are so many potentially great fits out there. All of our kids in college got merit and love their peer group and schools.

Don't worry about things you can't control (like getting into a school with a 5% acceptance rate). Keep parenting your kids and be open to many different colleges experiences. Explore schools that give a lot of merit. Why not get a discount? Have faith in your kid and let them trust their own gut on fit.

Rankings = prestige but not necessarily = good fit.

[Anonymous]

For us, it was letting the choice truly be hers and not pressuring her to attend the "best" school she go into, which resulted in her choosing a WASP SLAC over HYP. She has a lot of former classmates who are frankly just not happy in college - that is hard to watch and hear about from their parents. Prioritize your kids wellness and happiness over prestige.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't change a thing. My DS had fun, played four years of varsity basketball and had a really good high school experience without much stress. Yes, he got really good grades but it never got to the point where he was ever stressed out about it. He did not take any AP classes his freshman year which worked out fine for him and really allowed him to adjust better to high school and to be better equipped for the demands his sophomore years and up.. I think playing high level varsity basketball for four years plus AAU in the offseason kept him relaxed and focused. He just committed to Georgia Tech (OOS) for Engineering over Notre Dame and UT Austin (OOS).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask for access to Naviance / Maia data early. My DC didn't get access until the second half of Junior year.

Use that information to understand how your child is being tracked by the school. For example, are they capable of more but they are not being given the same opportunity to hit certain weighted GPAs / take the most rigorous courses?

Also, use the data to understand the school's relationship with different universities. This will not be evenly distributed. Use those insights to form a preliminary list of unis to research and visit widely in Junior year.

I don't know that the students need the Naviance data early, but I agree it would have been helpful for the parents to see it. My kid always wanted to apply early to MIT. If I'd seen the sea of red Xes earlier in the process, I might have gently redirected (or at least been even more thorough in managing expectations). It's also helpful in finding places where the high school over-performs (which parents might not be aware of).

That said, I doubt most schools would give access to parents without letting the kids see, and I am glad my kid didn't get too obsessed too early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask for access to Naviance / Maia data early. My DC didn't get access until the second half of Junior year.

Use that information to understand how your child is being tracked by the school. For example, are they capable of more but they are not being given the same opportunity to hit certain weighted GPAs / take the most rigorous courses?

Also, use the data to understand the school's relationship with different universities. This will not be evenly distributed. Use those insights to form a preliminary list of unis to research and visit widely in Junior year.

I don't know that the students need the Naviance data early, but I agree it would have been helpful for the parents to see it. My kid always wanted to apply early to MIT. If I'd seen the sea of red Xes earlier in the process, I might have gently redirected (or at least been even more thorough in managing expectations). It's also helpful in finding places where the high school over-performs (which parents might not be aware of).

That said, I doubt most schools would give access to parents without letting the kids see, and I am glad my kid didn't get too obsessed too early.

Agree. The best way to do this is for the kids to lead - they know which kids are getting in where.
Also, talk to older parents. That's more helpful than the data.

[Anonymous]

My daughter got into her top choice school. I didn't think she would, honestly. Her grades weren't the best. But some of her peers with a higher GPA and test scores didn't get in to the same school so here's my one thing:

Your kid must be able to talk to adults and have basic adult-world skills like email communication and timely follow-up, and to use those skills on the admissions folks. Articulate and thoughtful + engaged and proactive wrt the admission process > top grades and test scores.

If I were to do something different, I would have been way more strict (heartless, even) about screen time and phone use. She struggled a bit with phone addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stress less. There are soooooooo many colleges out there. My kid got into all 10 he applied to and got better merit aid than I expected as a B student. Focus on what’s good for your kid and the whole experience will be easy.

Your kid got into all 10… so don’t stress … is not really super advice. Your kid had a great experience applying. I’m happy for him and you. For for those looking forward, this isn’t how it will work. I think people are looking for ways to be flexible, resilient, adjust as needed.

His HS only allowed 10 applications so he didn’t waste any of them knowing that we needed to compare all 10 FA packages. Do your homework and your kid roll get in everywhere too. Stop wasting time and money on places your kid won’t get into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take a big family vacation before junior year because that year was the hardest.

Junior year is definitely the toughest. I always would reference how it would ease up and my Dec Senior year they would feel so free. Perspective.

Senior year has definitely been the toughest for my DS.

I agree. Hardest classes. Plus, applications and finalizing essays. Often kids have leadership positions or jobs that are a big commitment.

[Anonymous]

I would avoid the super hard class that everyone struggles through.

[Anonymous]

Don't make grade 12 too hard. Don't overload it with APs - there's too much to do in senior year and it just causes stress!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would avoid the super hard class that everyone struggles through.

Then yours is not ready for an elite. BTW "everyone" does not struggle--someone ends up top few or top kid even, it could be yours--and even if they do struggle some it leads to great recommendations once they figure out how to succeed. For those who will fit in the elite schools they will have the desire to take the hardest classes in high school, and if they do struggle some they will be able to right the ship and succeed. If they struggle and the grade truly tanks then they were never meant for elite and there will be plenty of great schools that are for them. Point is has to come from them. No parent should discourage a kid who wants to take the hardest classes (presuming the teachers invited them in and agree it is a good idea). Every top-3 kid who gets shut out of T20/ivy at our private school either took the easier APs for the gpa race or was a total a$$ to teachers. Kids who took hardest classes but ended up with some A- or occasional B+ get in to T20 above lazy val/sals.