Parents: if you could go back to your kid’s freshman year, what would you do differently?

[Anonymous]

During freshman/sophomore years, make informal causal visits (just walk around) different college campuses- in your hometown area, while visiting family and friends in other states, while vacationing in a place that has nearby college campuses. That way, your kid can at least start forming opinions/ideas about the type of college they may enjoy. Not only that, but junior year gets very busy, so it’s nice to have some campus visits done before then.

[Anonymous]

Worry less, trust the high school. They landed at T10/ivy and had many other top choices. They succeeded once there because the high school was rigorous and the were better prepared for the depth and pace than half their new classmates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

My sons got all As. They played a sport. We told them to join at least one club they were interested in. I didn’t have to check up on them.

I was lucky because both my kids always were motivated to do school work, get good grades. I didn’t start thinking about it she certainly never stressed my kid out about it. We didn’t even really start thinking seriously until January of Junior year —just in a where do you think you’d like to go.

I wanted them to not have pressure or stress. It was just do well in classes, if you need help go to your teacher or ask us. Lots of learning to advocate for themselves and learn independence, that was the main goal. Step back.

Firstborn did very well with acceptances, didn’t even ED or SCEA and is at an Ivy and very, very happy.

I know this is not usual for boys. They also had no disorders or disabilities, etc. I think their peer group and the HS had a lot to do with it. Who you surround yourself with is the most predicative of how you will end up. Look at your 5 closest friends, etc. I was lucky they have great kids as friends. In MS, the younger one had a group I wasn’t crazy about- but those fell off as he went to private HS and no longer saw them.

+1

[Anonymous]

Another suggestion to encourage friendships with great kids. Positive peer pressure is a fabulous thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Worry less, trust the high school. They landed at T10/ivy and had many other top choices. They succeeded once there because the high school was rigorous and the were better prepared for the depth and pace than half their new classmates

ah so naive.

[Anonymous]

Have an open mind and pay close attention to what the parents of kids 1-2 years older are saying about how hard it has become. You’ll spare your kid a lot of disappointment by being realistic and open-minded.

[Anonymous]

Search for the thread: “lessons learned”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would restructure his high school years so that he basically had no essential classes during his senior year.

Then you get into NO selective schools since you aren’t following the 5/4 rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

My sons got all As. They played a sport. We told them to join at least one club they were interested in. I didn’t have to check up on them.

I was lucky because both my kids always were motivated to do school work, get good grades. I didn’t start thinking about it she certainly never stressed my kid out about it. We didn’t even really start thinking seriously until January of Junior year —just in a where do you think you’d like to go.

I wanted them to not have pressure or stress. It was just do well in classes, if you need help go to your teacher or ask us. Lots of learning to advocate for themselves and learn independence, that was the main goal. Step back.

Firstborn did very well with acceptances, didn’t even ED or SCEA and is at an Ivy and very, very happy.

I know this is not usual for boys. They also had no disorders or disabilities, etc. I think their peer group and the HS had a lot to do with it. Who you surround yourself with is the most predicative of how you will end up. Look at your 5 closest friends, etc. I was lucky they have great kids as friends. In MS, the younger one had a group I wasn’t crazy about- but those fell off as he went to private HS and no longer saw them.

+1

100% that cannot be stressed enough. My brother's friend group was awful and when you aren't with other kids in families with values and motivation that mirror where you want to be, it's a much tougher road. The kids vaping and smoking and preoccupied with SM/s*x/drinking/parties, etc., even the athletes that 'appear' clean cut--it doesn't end well.

[Anonymous]

We had a no phones in bedroom and no phones/laptops overnight in bedroom.

When my HS kids came home, they had to plug their iphones in the kitchen. They were allowed to check them, etc. But when they were studying--they were studying.

That blue light and distraction and time suck is real. It was a PIA to get on board with it early, but it paid dividends as HS went along and now in college oldest has incredibly healthy habits. He also was always an avid reader.

I can see the difference in communication, concentration and mood when kids spend a significant time on their phones/youtube, etc. We also did not have tik tok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a no phones in bedroom and no phones/laptops overnight in bedroom.

When my HS kids came home, they had to plug their iphones in the kitchen. They were allowed to check them, etc. But when they were studying--they were studying.

That blue light and distraction and time suck is real. It was a PIA to get on board with it early, but it paid dividends as HS went along and now in college oldest has incredibly healthy habits. He also was always an avid reader.

I can see the difference in communication, concentration and mood when kids spend a significant time on their phones/youtube, etc. We also did not have tik tok.

100%. This is all really good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stress less. There are soooooooo many colleges out there. My kid got into all 10 he applied to and got better merit aid than I expected as a B student. Focus on what’s good for your kid and the whole experience will be easy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another suggestion to encourage friendships with great kids. Positive peer pressure is a fabulous thing.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for wisdom or lessons learned from parents who are going through or have went through the process of supporting their kid through the college application and admission process.

Looking back with what you’ve learned, what would you do differently?

Take private schools out of the equation - there are too many good, state schools in Virginia (where we live) to consider paying for private school tuition, even with the significant merit offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worry less, trust the high school. They landed at T10/ivy and had many other top choices. They succeeded once there because the high school was rigorous and the were better prepared for the depth and pace than half their new classmates

ah so naive.

Not naive. Currently have a junior and the other two (HS 21 and HS23) are at different t10/ivies and thriving. A subset of friends there did not come in as prepared. Sure elites are competitive but many kids are ready for it.