Parents: if you could go back to your kid’s freshman year, what would you do differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

Now see where he actually sent his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

It’s nice to be Warren Buffet, I guess. Meanwhile most kids already attend public high schools and work part time. College-bound kids without a lot of family money should know that most FA and merit money is only available to FTFY freshmen. And a kid without wealthy parents cannot “transfer to a school of choice” because nearly all transfer admissions are need-aware.

You are misguided on a few things. FA is not only available to freshman. It is absolutely available to transfer students. And all kinds of financial scholarships are as well. Also, the DMV happens to have some of the best community college's in the country. And these 2 year schools have high acceptance rates in their pipeline programs to 4-year colleges across the country including colleges and universities with more difficult acceptance rates for typical freshman.

FA rules changed for transfer students this year at many T25 schools.

As you know, there’s about 3975 other schools.

most of which are not nearly as generous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

Now see where he actually sent his kids.

Huh? Who cares what people do after they become super rich and have "made it". After wealth, they're usually making choices for vanity or luxury. And they can afford to. They can donate a building and have their kid go to any school just because they like the logo, just like they can get a custom Birkin bag because they have the money to spend and waste.

But look at what they did before they made it or in order to make it. It's more illustrative for the specific convo on this thread.

[Anonymous]

I would have figured out a "narrative" starting freshman year. Have my kid apply for relevant awards. Or I would have hired a college consultant to figure it all out for me.

I wasn't really attuned to the process until summer after junior year, which was way too late in retrospect. My kid had the grades and scores for an Ivy, but was a little short on "wow" ECs. Coming from NYC, you need the wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have figured out a "narrative" starting freshman year. Have my kid apply for relevant awards. Or I would have hired a college consultant to figure it all out for me.

I wasn't really attuned to the process until summer after junior year, which was way too late in retrospect. My kid had the grades and scores for an Ivy, but was a little short on "wow" ECs. Coming from NYC, you need the wow.

Coming from any big city, you need the WOW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have figured out a "narrative" starting freshman year. Have my kid apply for relevant awards. Or I would have hired a college consultant to figure it all out for me.

I wasn't really attuned to the process until summer after junior year, which was way too late in retrospect. My kid had the grades and scores for an Ivy, but was a little short on "wow" ECs. Coming from NYC, you need the wow.

Coming from any big city, you need the WOW

I know what you mean. I had the same realization when my older kid applied in 2022. We changed our strategy for DC#2.

[Anonymous]

Focus on "fit" not rankings. Find a few colleges that fit YOU best and don't try to curate or change how you describe yourself to fit THEM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

Now see where he actually sent his kids.

Huh? Who cares what people do after they become super rich and have "made it". After wealth, they're usually making choices for vanity or luxury. And they can afford to. They can donate a building and have their kid go to any school just because they like the logo, just like they can get a custom Birkin bag because they have the money to spend and waste.

But look at what they did before they made it or in order to make it. It's more illustrative for the specific convo on this thread.

so did buffet send his kids to community college before he made it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to Warren Buffet's views on college and send my kid to community college first and have them work too - gain life and work skills while saving two years of potential debt. Transfer to a school of choice for the last 2 years which makes them appreciate the experience of that school even more and gives them that school's name on their Bachelor's degree diploma.

Now see where he actually sent his kids.

Huh? Who cares what people do after they become super rich and have "made it". After wealth, they're usually making choices for vanity or luxury. And they can afford to. They can donate a building and have their kid go to any school just because they like the logo, just like they can get a custom Birkin bag because they have the money to spend and waste.

But look at what they did before they made it or in order to make it. It's more illustrative for the specific convo on this thread.

so did buffet send his kids to community college before he made it?

you're missing the point. buffet's kids have "made it" when they were born as nepo babies. so who cares what they do? they'll just swim in the pool of inherited wealth and don't need to develop the same resilience, spark, hustle the rest of us do. we should look at the self-made parents of nepo babies, not the nepo babies who are getting handed everything at birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have figured out a "narrative" starting freshman year. Have my kid apply for relevant awards. Or I would have hired a college consultant to figure it all out for me.

I wasn't really attuned to the process until summer after junior year, which was way too late in retrospect. My kid had the grades and scores for an Ivy, but was a little short on "wow" ECs. Coming from NYC, you need the wow.

Coming from any big city, you need the WOW

I know what you mean. I had the same realization when my older kid applied in 2022. We changed our strategy for DC#2.

In what way?
What is a WOW EC?

[Anonymous]

I hope that all colleges get slammed to shame and not just the ivy's. Colleges in some European countries are free; we just got back from France and a businessperson I spoke with raved about how their high school system presets this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a no phones in bedroom and no phones/laptops overnight in bedroom.

When my HS kids came home, they had to plug their iphones in the kitchen. They were allowed to check them, etc. But when they were studying--they were studying.

That blue light and distraction and time suck is real. It was a PIA to get on board with it early, but it paid dividends as HS went along and now in college oldest has incredibly healthy habits. He also was always an avid reader.

I can see the difference in communication, concentration and mood when kids spend a significant time on their phones/youtube, etc. We also did not have tik tok.

100%. This is all really good advice.

100 percent agree with this, but how to implement. Right now the only rule I can implement is no phones or computer in bedrooms after 10 pm
On weekday nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing.

My sons got all As. They played a sport. We told them to join at least one club they were interested in. I didn’t have to check up on them.

I was lucky because both my kids always were motivated to do school work, get good grades. I didn’t start thinking about it she certainly never stressed my kid out about it. We didn’t even really start thinking seriously until January of Junior year —just in a where do you think you’d like to go.

I wanted them to not have pressure or stress. It was just do well in classes, if you need help go to your teacher or ask us. Lots of learning to advocate for themselves and learn independence, that was the main goal. Step back.

Firstborn did very well with acceptances, didn’t even ED or SCEA and is at an Ivy and very, very happy.

I know this is not usual for boys. They also had no disorders or disabilities, etc. I think their peer group and the HS had a lot to do with it. Who you surround yourself with is the most predicative of how you will end up. Look at your 5 closest friends, etc. I was lucky they have great kids as friends. In MS, the younger one had a group I wasn’t crazy about- but those fell off as he went to private HS and no longer saw them.

Did you come just to gloat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have figured out a "narrative" starting freshman year. Have my kid apply for relevant awards. Or I would have hired a college consultant to figure it all out for me.

I wasn't really attuned to the process until summer after junior year, which was way too late in retrospect. My kid had the grades and scores for an Ivy, but was a little short on "wow" ECs. Coming from NYC, you need the wow.

Same, my kid figured out her path in Junior year and started being involved with great ECs, but before that spent all of her time on travel/HS soccer. Not a recruited athlete and it’s one line in the common app. Thankfully she has the grades and test scores for T25 but the ECs that kids have are hard to match.

Travel soccer took so much time, effort and money. What a waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have figured out a "narrative" starting freshman year. Have my kid apply for relevant awards. Or I would have hired a college consultant to figure it all out for me.

I wasn't really attuned to the process until summer after junior year, which was way too late in retrospect. My kid had the grades and scores for an Ivy, but was a little short on "wow" ECs. Coming from NYC, you need the wow.

Coming from any big city, you need the WOW

I know what you mean. I had the same realization when my older kid applied in 2022. We changed our strategy for DC#2.

How did you find a narrative that early with your second kid? Given our experience with DC#1, it's hard to imagine doing this with our DC#2.

For us, DC#1's narrative took shape slowly, starting with a few experiences sophomore year, and then evolving over time. In retrospect, lots of missed opportunities - in part because whenever we tried to help DC shape the path or the narrative (or even accept that this was a priority . . . ) things did not go well.

In addition to being independent and not wanting to do things that did not interest them (completely fair!) DC did not actually know what they were interested in up front. It all had to play out, one class, one activity, one experience, one decision at a time. It seemed healthy and good for DC's development, but TBH, not exactly what AO's seem to want these days. (Neither of our kids came out of the womb pointy . . . . )

Anway, by senior year, certain themes emerged, along with a pretty coherent narrative. But there's not a chance in the world we, DC, or a counselor could have mapped it out in advance freshman or sophomore year.

As DC#2 starts high school, it feels similar. Not a lot to work with yet in terms of a potential narrative. Any advice?