What would you do if your spouse drank every night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think people with a wine fridge in their home are alcoholics?

Ha, we have a huge stocked bar, two beverage fridges (for wine and beer), and a big wine rack. We rarely drink but we host a lot. People also bring wine/liquor as gifts to parties and I have had many clients over the years that own liquor companies, so I suppose someone coming into our house might think we drink a lot but we don't.

Same, enjoy drinking socially and love great cocktails… but honestly, most nights I look at the well stocked bar and think “ffs it’s a lot of work to make something nice” and I just have a lacroix and feel quite happy.

I love a good old fashioned and love love one that someone has taken the time to put the dash of bitters and muddled an orange peel, etc and don’t mind doing all that if we’ve got friends over, but to do that by myself… seems like a lot of work. It’s heartbreaking because I just found a really great book of cocktails - good, clearly explained drinks that have pretty minimal instructions and are arranged in a “if you like this, try this interesting thing…” format — which id love to use more but most nights I’m like “ugh, the simple syrup is on the top shelf and this lacroix is right here” and that’s kind of how I feel about drinking outside of a bar or party situation as an adult.

If someone ever made bottled fancy cocktails that you could just pour and enjoy I’d be an alcoholic… wine is nice but I long ago made a decision that I have enough things to stuff in my head and nerding out on wine is just something I don’t have the bandwidth for - and if I’m just buying and drinking a glass of wine based on the card on the shelf with the score that I don’t really understand, it feels like drinking for the sake of drinking.

Beer is cool, but as I’ve aged, the stuff that has interesting flavors also has a decent shot of making me feel bloated, giving me heartburn, etc and I’m not just going to drink miller lites - a lot of empty calories for not interesting flavor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you have time. Many people have a glass of wine at dinner or a beer after work. One is no big deal it becomes a problem when it creeps to 2 or 3 or more and they get that fat alcohol belly. One a night is fine.

No, I don't have time. By the time the kids are off to bed, the house is cleaned up, the dog is walked, I want to get in bed and read a book, not get a buzz on.

So you want him to help more around the house and fo to bed earlier with you. He is fine with letting the dishes sit in the sink after dinner and doesn't load the dishwasher they way you think he should and rather have a beer in the evening and watch a game.

You have read one to many Instagram posts and novels telling you there is something wrong with your relationship because your husband does want to read poems beside you late in the evenings.


You know deep down it's silly but you have largely nothing else to complain about in your mundane UMC life, so you decide it's a beer nigtly that is ruining your marriage and preventing your husband from being your Colin Firth or who ever the dream husband of the week on the mommy blogs is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you have time. Many people have a glass of wine at dinner or a beer after work. One is no big deal it becomes a problem when it creeps to 2 or 3 or more and they get that fat alcohol belly. One a night is fine.

No, I don't have time. By the time the kids are off to bed, the house is cleaned up, the dog is walked, I want to get in bed and read a book, not get a buzz on.

So you want him to help more around the house and fo to bed earlier with you. He is fine with letting the dishes sit in the sink after dinner and doesn't load the dishwasher they way you think he should and rather have a beer in the evening and watch a game.

You have read one to many Instagram posts and novels telling you there is something wrong with your relationship because your husband does want to read poems beside you late in the evenings.


You know deep down it's silly but you have largely nothing else to complain about in your mundane UMC life, so you decide it's a beer nigtly that is ruining your marriage and preventing your husband from being your Colin Firth or who ever the dream husband of the week on the mommy blogs is.

Well… we just got an insight into what the problems in YOUR marriage are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think people with a wine fridge in their home are alcoholics?

Ha, we have a huge stocked bar, two beverage fridges (for wine and beer), and a big wine rack. We rarely drink but we host a lot. People also bring wine/liquor as gifts to parties and I have had many clients over the years that own liquor companies, so I suppose someone coming into our house might think we drink a lot but we don't.

Same, enjoy drinking socially and love great cocktails… but honestly, most nights I look at the well stocked bar and think “ffs it’s a lot of work to make something nice” and I just have a lacroix and feel quite happy.

I love a good old fashioned and love love one that someone has taken the time to put the dash of bitters and muddled an orange peel, etc and don’t mind doing all that if we’ve got friends over, but to do that by myself… seems like a lot of work. It’s heartbreaking because I just found a really great book of cocktails - good, clearly explained drinks that have pretty minimal instructions and are arranged in a “if you like this, try this interesting thing…” format — which id love to use more but most nights I’m like “ugh, the simple syrup is on the top shelf and this lacroix is right here” and that’s kind of how I feel about drinking outside of a bar or party situation as an adult.

If someone ever made bottled fancy cocktails that you could just pour and enjoy I’d be an alcoholic… wine is nice but I long ago made a decision that I have enough things to stuff in my head and nerding out on wine is just something I don’t have the bandwidth for - and if I’m just buying and drinking a glass of wine based on the card on the shelf with the score that I don’t really understand, it feels like drinking for the sake of drinking.

Beer is cool, but as I’ve aged, the stuff that has interesting flavors also has a decent shot of making me feel bloated, giving me heartburn, etc and I’m not just going to drink miller lites - a lot of empty calories for not interesting flavor.

PP to whom you responded. I also always think it's not worth the effort to make a drink and Old Fashioneds are also my drink of choice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think people with a wine fridge in their home are alcoholics?

Ha, we have a huge stocked bar, two beverage fridges (for wine and beer), and a big wine rack. We rarely drink but we host a lot. People also bring wine/liquor as gifts to parties and I have had many clients over the years that own liquor companies, so I suppose someone coming into our house might think we drink a lot but we don't.

Same, enjoy drinking socially and love great cocktails… but honestly, most nights I look at the well stocked bar and think “ffs it’s a lot of work to make something nice” and I just have a lacroix and feel quite happy.

I love a good old fashioned and love love one that someone has taken the time to put the dash of bitters and muddled an orange peel, etc and don’t mind doing all that if we’ve got friends over, but to do that by myself… seems like a lot of work. It’s heartbreaking because I just found a really great book of cocktails - good, clearly explained drinks that have pretty minimal instructions and are arranged in a “if you like this, try this interesting thing…” format — which id love to use more but most nights I’m like “ugh, the simple syrup is on the top shelf and this lacroix is right here” and that’s kind of how I feel about drinking outside of a bar or party situation as an adult.

If someone ever made bottled fancy cocktails that you could just pour and enjoy I’d be an alcoholic… wine is nice but I long ago made a decision that I have enough things to stuff in my head and nerding out on wine is just something I don’t have the bandwidth for - and if I’m just buying and drinking a glass of wine based on the card on the shelf with the score that I don’t really understand, it feels like drinking for the sake of drinking.

Beer is cool, but as I’ve aged, the stuff that has interesting flavors also has a decent shot of making me feel bloated, giving me heartburn, etc and I’m not just going to drink miller lites - a lot of empty calories for not interesting flavor.

PP to whom you responded. I also always think it's not worth the effort to make a drink and Old Fashioneds are also my drink of choice!

Yeah, when drinking seems like too much trouble, you’ve either won or lost. I dunno.

[Anonymous]

I've done both. I've drunk every night, and I've drunk only when going out socially. Honestly the latter is more fun. Doing it every night at home by yourself is not that fun. And having a lower tolerance is more fun. Last night I drank one beer at a soccer game while chatting with friends and I had a nice little buzz.

My ex drinks 5 drinks, give or take, almost every night. It's not attractive and it's not fun. He's 46 years old and he never grew up. He puts no thought into his health, physical or otherwise. He never thinks, do I have healthy coping mechanisms? What can I do other than drink? Is alcohol a crutch? Is this a good example for my kids?

When I stopped drinking at home every night (a habit that solidified during COVID), I realized that I just wanted a little pop of sugar. So now I have a Poppi instead. It gives my brain that same, "Ah, I'm rewarding myself at the end of a long day" feeling.

[Anonymous]

I do nothing. What CAN I do? My husband drinks nearly every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a glass of wine almost every night with my spouse. It’s pretty much a ritual for us. Everyone I know does this. Seems odd to me to have an issue with it.

That's the definition of alcoholism. I don't know anyone who does it.

It literally is not: Alcoholism, also known as alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a medical condition characterized by an inability to control drinking despite negative consequences, such as health issues or problems in personal relationships.

Yeah if you drink every day, regardless of the quantity, and you don’t have the ability to not do it… you’re an alcoholic.

And the point that many of us are raising is that it’s possible to drink every day and have perfectly functional relationships, not be an alcoholic, and be able to not do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've done both. I've drunk every night, and I've drunk only when going out socially. Honestly the latter is more fun. Doing it every night at home by yourself is not that fun. And having a lower tolerance is more fun. Last night I drank one beer at a soccer game while chatting with friends and I had a nice little buzz.

My ex drinks 5 drinks, give or take, almost every night. It's not attractive and it's not fun. He's 46 years old and he never grew up. He puts no thought into his health, physical or otherwise. He never thinks, do I have healthy coping mechanisms? What can I do other than drink? Is alcohol a crutch? Is this a good example for my kids?

When I stopped drinking at home every night (a habit that solidified during COVID), I realized that I just wanted a little pop of sugar. So now I have a Poppi instead. It gives my brain that same, "Ah, I'm rewarding myself at the end of a long day" feeling.

Yup. Booze isn’t the great evil but i feel like you reach a point and it’s just like “really… you’re still drinking?” And people who still party are just … sad.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound incredibly controlling. Are you annoyed at the beer or the fact that he's not on the same wavelength as you? I often have a glass of wine while preparing dinner (but sometimes I take 2-3 nights off) and then carry that one drink while having dinner. I'm done drinking if I drink by 8pm and then switch to tea. Would it be better if he was drinking a beer at 5pm versus later at night? I think you need to give your husband some freedom to live his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


OP you sound incredibly controlling. Are you annoyed at the beer or the fact that he's not on the same wavelength as you? I often have a glass of wine while preparing dinner (but sometimes I take 2-3 nights off) and then carry that one drink while having dinner. I'm done drinking if I drink by 8pm and then switch to tea. Would it be better if he was drinking a beer at 5pm versus later at night? I think you need to give your husband some freedom to live his life.

He just sounds immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


OP you sound incredibly controlling. Are you annoyed at the beer or the fact that he's not on the same wavelength as you? I often have a glass of wine while preparing dinner (but sometimes I take 2-3 nights off) and then carry that one drink while having dinner. I'm done drinking if I drink by 8pm and then switch to tea. Would it be better if he was drinking a beer at 5pm versus later at night? I think you need to give your husband some freedom to live his life.

He just sounds immature.

The choice to drink has nothing to do with maturity. There are big cultural differences for example between Italians and Americans on this for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've done both. I've drunk every night, and I've drunk only when going out socially. Honestly the latter is more fun. Doing it every night at home by yourself is not that fun. And having a lower tolerance is more fun. Last night I drank one beer at a soccer game while chatting with friends and I had a nice little buzz.

My ex drinks 5 drinks, give or take, almost every night. It's not attractive and it's not fun. He's 46 years old and he never grew up. He puts no thought into his health, physical or otherwise. He never thinks, do I have healthy coping mechanisms? What can I do other than drink? Is alcohol a crutch? Is this a good example for my kids?

When I stopped drinking at home every night (a habit that solidified during COVID), I realized that I just wanted a little pop of sugar. So now I have a Poppi instead. It gives my brain that same, "Ah, I'm rewarding myself at the end of a long day" feeling.

Yup. Booze isn’t the great evil but i feel like you reach a point and it’s just like “really… you’re still drinking?” And people who still party are just … sad.

Drinking and partying are two different things. Having a glass of wine with dinner every day isn’t clubbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a glass or 2-3 each night and I’m a 49F.
What’s the problem? Is he not stepping up in other areas? Neglecting other responsibilities?

I must say the alcohol industry did a really good job normalizing alcohol. 2-3 each night is not normal. And as a woman you should keep in mind that alcohol is even worse for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've done both. I've drunk every night, and I've drunk only when going out socially. Honestly the latter is more fun. Doing it every night at home by yourself is not that fun. And having a lower tolerance is more fun. Last night I drank one beer at a soccer game while chatting with friends and I had a nice little buzz.

My ex drinks 5 drinks, give or take, almost every night. It's not attractive and it's not fun. He's 46 years old and he never grew up. He puts no thought into his health, physical or otherwise. He never thinks, do I have healthy coping mechanisms? What can I do other than drink? Is alcohol a crutch? Is this a good example for my kids?

When I stopped drinking at home every night (a habit that solidified during COVID), I realized that I just wanted a little pop of sugar. So now I have a Poppi instead. It gives my brain that same, "Ah, I'm rewarding myself at the end of a long day" feeling.

Yup. Booze isn’t the great evil but i feel like you reach a point and it’s just like “really… you’re still drinking?” And people who still party are just … sad.

Drinking and partying are two different things. Having a glass of wine with dinner every day isn’t clubbing.

And normals have a really strange view of alcoholism. Alcoholics don’t drink to party or be young. Almost all drink to numb out emotions, pain and trauma. Not all of us look like that bum passed out on a sidewalk, but emotionally we might as well be.