What would you do if your spouse drank every night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a glass of wine each day after work while catching up with my family. If it was 3, I think that would be problematic. I can’t see an issue with 1.

Try not having it for a month and see how you feel. Whether it's alcohol, caffeine, sugar, or any other number of substances, people indeed do become addicted to both the actual substance and the ritual. Is drinking a coffee every morning or a glass of wine once home every night of real concern? A bit, from a health perspective possibly, but to me it can be tested like any potentially bad habit. If you can break it, then you're not addicted. If you can't, then you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:One beer or three or five?

Depends on the night, but I don't have time to drink anything. I'm a grown-up.

Only grown ups can legally drink. It’s definitely a grown up thing to do.

I assume you knew he drank alcohol when you met him? If you are anti drinking you should have married someone who also didn’t drink.

I'm not anti-drinking, I'm just in my mid-40s. I enjoy the taste of cocktails and wine and some beer, and if we're out to dinner or hanging with friends, it's nice to have some, but who just drinks at home for no reason?

Also, now that we're learning about the link between alcohol and cancer and seeing how many 40-somethings who were "fun" in their 20s and 30s are now turning into functioning (sometimes) alcoholics, I am kind of becoming anti-alcohol. Aren't you?

I’m becoming kind of anti-you, if I’m being honest. I think I understand why your husband drinks. I wish I could buy him a beer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just one drink a day is bad for your health. A lot of research out there on this. Google it.

I don’t think it makes a person an alcoholic. And I’m not offended or judgmental about it like OP. But do it knowing what you’re doing and comparing it to a daily coffee habit is silly.

It's really not though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think people with a wine fridge in their home are alcoholics?

Ha, we have a huge stocked bar, two beverage fridges (for wine and beer), and a big wine rack. We rarely drink but we host a lot. People also bring wine/liquor as gifts to parties and I have had many clients over the years that own liquor companies, so I suppose someone coming into our house might think we drink a lot but we don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it wasn't problematic at least some of the time you wouldn't be posting about it. You should probably check out Al-anon with the caveat that it can be hard to find a good meeting from what I hear. (I'm in the other program).

So hard to find a good meeting. And so many fewer options than the other program.

But I think in-person is important for Al-Anon and due to my spouse's drinking habits I could only do online. Can't leave your kids with a drunk spouse.

I did regular therapy with someone who did specialize in addiction because I didn't like Al Anon meetings and couldn't find one that "fit" me.

[Anonymous]

CDC guidelines say do not drink OR drink in moderation (defined as less than two drinks nightly).

https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/about-alcohol-use/moderate-alcohol-use.html

“Findings from strong studies show that having about 2 drinks per day doesn't lower the risk of death compared to not drinking at all.“

So if OP’s husband is truly sticking to a beer a night, he’s fine.

[Anonymous]

And?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just one drink a day is bad for your health. A lot of research out there on this. Google it.

I don’t think it makes a person an alcoholic. And I’m not offended or judgmental about it like OP. But do it knowing what you’re doing and comparing it to a daily coffee habit is silly.

Why is it silly? Addiction is a dependency on something. I hear a lot more people saying they can’t function without coffee than without booze.

I am definitely ok with being addicted to coffee. Who cares? Yes I need it to wake up, no I have no intentions of changing this.

At someone with addicts in my family tree I am not okay being addicted to anything, including coffee. But I understand that that doesn't apply to everyone. Personally, I don't like the idea of "needing" anything to function, whether an upper or a downer or anything in between. But that's also why I've never smoked a cigarette because I'm afraid I could become addicted to it even though it disgusts me. I do drink, probably a dozen times a year, and I'd probably miss the freedom of being able to do it if I couldn't anymore but I would be fine. I got morphine when I was in the hospital for appendicitis as an adult and it was the absolute most amazing thing I had ever experienced and it terrified me. Again, that doesn't happen for everyone, so if you're ok with your coffee addiction then that's fine. I'm just answering your question of who cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him it concerned me and he stopped.

My mom is an alcoholic (sober seven years though) and I told him that I didn't like seeing it become a habit.

We drink occasionally (last weekend at my birthday dinner, for example, before that probably a Super Bowl party), so when he started doing it daily during COVID I brought it up.

In my opinion, anyone who drinks every day has a serious alcohol problem.

Are you OP?

No, I was someone answering OP's question of what would you do if your spouse drank every night. That's what I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In my opinion, anyone who drinks every day has a serious alcohol problem.

And? Why would your opinion matter?

It doesn't. You don't have to agree with me. Hence why I said it was my opinion. You are entitled to your own.

[Anonymous]

Having a beer is something he enjoys the same way you enjoy reading to relax. Neither is wrong and you are certainly no more "grown up" than he is because he does this. Leave him alone and go read your book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him it concerned me and he stopped.

My mom is an alcoholic (sober seven years though) and I told him that I didn't like seeing it become a habit.

We drink occasionally (last weekend at my birthday dinner, for example, before that probably a Super Bowl party), so when he started doing it daily during COVID I brought it up.

In my opinion, anyone who drinks every day has a serious alcohol problem.

Wrong. I drink a scotch nightly. I did an entire dry January without any issue. I am definitely not an alcoholic because otherwise I would have had an issue doing so. To be honest, I just didn’t see the health effects dry January promised. I didn’t sleep better, have clearer skin etc.

I mean, then you don't drink every day if you didn't drink for an entire month...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I have a glass of wine almost every night with my spouse. It’s pretty much a ritual for us. Everyone I know does this. Seems odd to me to have an issue with it.

That's the definition of alcoholism. I don't know anyone who does it.

I know someone who does it and they are most definitely an alcoholic. I am quite certain they would be very sick if they didn't drink every day.

I bet they are drinking more than a glass and you just don’t know it.

Sorry, they definitely have more than one glass every day, I was responding to the daily drinking part not the amount part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a glass of wine almost every night with my spouse. It’s pretty much a ritual for us. Everyone I know does this. Seems odd to me to have an issue with it.

That's the definition of alcoholism. I don't know anyone who does it.

It literally is not: Alcoholism, also known as alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a medical condition characterized by an inability to control drinking despite negative consequences, such as health issues or problems in personal relationships.

Yeah if you drink every day, regardless of the quantity, and you don’t have the ability to not do it… you’re an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a glass of wine almost every night with my spouse. It’s pretty much a ritual for us. Everyone I know does this. Seems odd to me to have an issue with it.

That's the definition of alcoholism. I don't know anyone who does it.

I know someone who does it and they are most definitely an alcoholic. I am quite certain they would be very sick if they didn't drink every day.

I bet they are drinking more than a glass and you just don’t know it.

Sorry, they definitely have more than one glass every day, I was responding to the daily drinking part not the amount part.

But that's really different than one glass of beer a night that could be stopped if the drinker wanted it to.

There's the whole middle ground of alcohol misuse, but being chemically dependent on alcohol is alcohol use disorder and yeah, those people are all by definition daily drinkers. But there are daily drinkers who don't misuse alcohol and daily drinkers who do misuse alcohol but don't have alcohol use disorder. It shades into alcohol use disorder when the misuse causes issues (like chemical dependency).