What would you do if your spouse drank every night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a glass of wine almost every night with my spouse. It’s pretty much a ritual for us. Everyone I know does this. Seems odd to me to have an issue with it.

That's the definition of alcoholism. I don't know anyone who does it.

No it’s not. Literally it’s not. If you think everyone is an alcoholic, then no one is an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One beer or three or five?

Depends on the night, but I don't have time to drink anything. I'm a grown-up.

Only grown ups can legally drink. It’s definitely a grown up thing to do.

I assume you knew he drank alcohol when you met him? If you are anti drinking you should have married someone who also didn’t drink.

I'm not anti-drinking, I'm just in my mid-40s. I enjoy the taste of cocktails and wine and some beer, and if we're out to dinner or hanging with friends, it's nice to have some, but who just drinks at home for no reason?

Also, now that we're learning about the link between alcohol and cancer and seeing how many 40-somethings who were "fun" in their 20s and 30s are now turning into functioning (sometimes) alcoholics, I am kind of becoming anti-alcohol. Aren't you?

I’m becoming kind of anti-you, if I’m being honest. I think I understand why your husband drinks. I wish I could buy him a beer.

[Anonymous]

Just one drink a day is bad for your health. A lot of research out there on this. Google it.

I don’t think it makes a person an alcoholic. And I’m not offended or judgmental about it like OP. But do it knowing what you’re doing and comparing it to a daily coffee habit is silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes have a drink while preparing dinner. It’s not about not having time. You sound very self-righteous, OP. Sounds to me like your DH is lounging and drinking while you do all the work of making dinner and you’re resentful.

No just as I’ve gotten older I don’t find it to be particularly relaxing - it’s a stimulant. It’s bad for sleep, I can feel the effects the next day and now with all the cancer stuff … if it’s not a relaxed social event why would you bother? I can’t think of any of my favorite relaxation pastimes (besides sitting and chatting with friends on the patio on a sunny day) that it would improve - it’s a social lubricant - and every difficult thing in my life would only be made worse by drinking.

I see so many peers in their 40s and 50s who have tipped over from “fun” social drinkers to people who sit at home and drink too much while “relaxing”. Seems like a shitty way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a glass of wine almost every night with my spouse. It’s pretty much a ritual for us. Everyone I know does this. Seems odd to me to have an issue with it.

That's the definition of alcoholism. I don't know anyone who does it.

No it’s not. Literally it’s not. If you think everyone is an alcoholic, then no one is an alcoholic.

The quantity doesn’t matter - if you’re compulsively drinking, you’re an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a glass of wine each day after work while catching up with my family. If it was 3, I think that would be problematic. I can’t see an issue with 1.

Do you struggle to socialize with your family if you don’t have wine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just one drink a day is bad for your health. A lot of research out there on this. Google it.

I don’t think it makes a person an alcoholic. And I’m not offended or judgmental about it like OP. But do it knowing what you’re doing and comparing it to a daily coffee habit is silly.

Why is it silly? Addiction is a dependency on something. I hear a lot more people saying they can’t function without coffee than without booze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just one drink a day is bad for your health. A lot of research out there on this. Google it.

I don’t think it makes a person an alcoholic. And I’m not offended or judgmental about it like OP. But do it knowing what you’re doing and comparing it to a daily coffee habit is silly.

Why is it silly? Addiction is a dependency on something. I hear a lot more people saying they can’t function without coffee than without booze.

Smashes a couple drinks while they struggle to talk to their family and then can’t get going in the morning without a chemical to pep them.

Booze is so bad for your sleep, of course you boneheads need coffee!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just one drink a day is bad for your health. A lot of research out there on this. Google it.

I don’t think it makes a person an alcoholic. And I’m not offended or judgmental about it like OP. But do it knowing what you’re doing and comparing it to a daily coffee habit is silly.

Why is it silly? Addiction is a dependency on something. I hear a lot more people saying they can’t function without coffee than without booze.

Evidence does not show coffee is bad for your health increasing your chance of various cancers and dementia.

[Anonymous]

I divorced her eventually, having waited way too long. Within the next 6 years, she drank herself to death.

[Anonymous]

Probably needs a drink to deal with OP.

Not wanting to drink too frequently for health or other reasons - fine.

This "I don't have time bc I'm an adult" is the most bizarre self righteous thing I've heard. Many people have a glass of wine sometimes while cooking dinner, while eating dinner, or afterward with a book or TV show etc. There is nothing objectively odd about drinking "at home" especially like other PPs who are having a drink with their spouse.

[Anonymous]

I feel better overall when I don’t consume any alcohol so I don’t. If my spouse was having a drink per night that would be fine. 2 would be ehhhhh. 3 would be an issue.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you think people with a wine fridge in their home are alcoholics?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it’s out of your control. He has to want to stop. You really can’t influence that decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes have a drink while preparing dinner. It’s not about not having time. You sound very self-righteous, OP. Sounds to me like your DH is lounging and drinking while you do all the work of making dinner and you’re resentful.

This!