Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

This is what people say to justify their own decisions and put down people who made different decisions.

Anyway a household with teens should always have clean clothes (because the teens should be doing their own laundry, no excuses) and a home cooked dinner. ANY household with teens is not eating diner together every night because those teens have activities in the evening.

I eat dinner with my teen every night. He might have one Friday night activity every six weeks or so at 7pm. We just eat dinner earlier that night.

Some people have more than one kid, and their daily activities don’t line up perfectly. We eat dinner with at least one of our kids/one parent every night, but the line-up changes depending on the day.

I have another teen in college. We all are at home every night except occasionally during the summer when they were sometimes offered overtime at work. I honestly can’t think of any activity that is more important than us spending quality time with each other. I think it’s odd how so many parents don’t seem to want to be with their kids. They are so over scheduled and I don’t get it.

Well, that’s a *you* problem, ma’am. We personally find our childrens’ athletic, academic, musical, and social activities and enrichment to be extremely important. It’s also normal and healthy for teens to pull away from constant quality time with their parents. I honestly can’t imagine my teens coming home for dinner every night when they’re in college; surely you must realize that is highly unusual?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

This is what people say to justify their own decisions and put down people who made different decisions.

Anyway a household with teens should always have clean clothes (because the teens should be doing their own laundry, no excuses) and a home cooked dinner. ANY household with teens is not eating diner together every night because those teens have activities in the evening.

I eat dinner with my teen every night. He might have one Friday night activity every six weeks or so at 7pm. We just eat dinner earlier that night.

Some people have more than one kid, and their daily activities don’t line up perfectly. We eat dinner with at least one of our kids/one parent every night, but the line-up changes depending on the day.

I have another teen in college. We all are at home every night except occasionally during the summer when they were sometimes offered overtime at work. I honestly can’t think of any activity that is more important than us spending quality time with each other. I think it’s odd how so many parents don’t seem to want to be with their kids. They are so over scheduled and I don’t get it.

Well, that’s a *you* problem, ma’am. We personally find our childrens’ athletic, academic, musical, and social activities and enrichment to be extremely important. It’s also normal and healthy for teens to pull away from constant quality time with their parents. I honestly can’t imagine my teens coming home for dinner every night when they’re in college; surely you must realize that is highly unusual?

He lives at home. Not everyone has DCUM money. 30-45 minutes per day to have a meal together is not a lot of time. I value it. It’s sad that others don’t.

[Anonymous]

What do your kids do? I make mine do their laundry and very minor chores. Do your kids ever make meals? Can they adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Then don't be upset when they say you don't work. Tennis and pilates?? Seriously? That's what you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It bothers you OP because there's truth in what they say: playing tennis all day and doing pilates is not work it just isn't.

But why is “work” somehow a more meaningful way to fill time? Work is a means to make money. If you don’t need the money, there nothing superior about working. Most people are not working super fulfilling meaningful jobs, and they are replaceable near immediately anyhow.

Mm, you're literally doing nothing meaningful and claim to be a SAhM you are not. You can't be mad at your kid for pointing out you do nothing all day, you also can't be mad at your kid for saying you don't know what hard work is when you don't work. In short be quiet and sip your wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Then don't be upset when they say you don't work. Tennis and pilates?? Seriously? That's what you do?

If you read the thread then you would know that was a troll, not OP.

It’s sad to see the usual scrapping over other families’ choices. Single parents, SAHM, SAHD, two working parents, all can be great. It’s not for others to condemn.

These kids were insulting and disrespectful to their mother. It’s unfortunate we can’t focus on dealing with that instead of tearing each other down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

Why is “clean” in quotations? Do you think working parents don’t actually do laundry or are you talking about yourself?

I work and my child has actual clean clothes available at all times and we eat a home cooked meal (that was cooked by me) every night. I also make most of our food from scratch including bread and snacks and keep a pretty clean house. Child also participates in activities including one sport per season, music class, and scouts.

Op, what do you actually do all day? I had a stay at home mom and I was pretty awful as a teenager but I always knew and had an appreciation for all the things my mom did for our family. Which was A LOT, not spending her day on Pilates. If you are a sahm who has a lot of help and spends your days perfecting your physique and relaxing it’s a pretty valid question to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you actually DO house stuff? Just asking bc my mom was a SAHM who watched tv and napped all day. She made dinner about four nights a week when I was little but eventually my dad took that over.

She'd drive us to after-school activities and otherwise didn't do much. But we were raised to never insult our parents so though we didn't respect her, didn't say anything about it to her face.

Sounds like she was depressed.

+1 I grew up with a single mom who worked because she had to and then spent the rest of her time sleeping. She was depressed throughout my childhood, and we didn’t have dad around to make dinner either. We scrounged and ate stuff like crackers and frozen corn for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

This is what people say to justify their own decisions and put down people who made different decisions.

Anyway a household with teens should always have clean clothes (because the teens should be doing their own laundry, no excuses) and a home cooked dinner. ANY household with teens is not eating diner together every night because those teens have activities in the evening.

I eat dinner with my teen every night. He might have one Friday night activity every six weeks or so at 7pm. We just eat dinner earlier that night.

Some people have more than one kid, and their daily activities don’t line up perfectly. We eat dinner with at least one of our kids/one parent every night, but the line-up changes depending on the day.

I have another teen in college. We all are at home every night except occasionally during the summer when they were sometimes offered overtime at work. I honestly can’t think of any activity that is more important than us spending quality time with each other. I think it’s odd how so many parents don’t seem to want to be with their kids. They are so over scheduled and I don’t get it.

Well, that’s a *you* problem, ma’am. We personally find our childrens’ athletic, academic, musical, and social activities and enrichment to be extremely important. It’s also normal and healthy for teens to pull away from constant quality time with their parents. I honestly can’t imagine my teens coming home for dinner every night when they’re in college; surely you must realize that is highly unusual?

He lives at home. Not everyone has DCUM money. 30-45 minutes per day to have a meal together is not a lot of time. I value it. It’s sad that others don’t.

You’re right, of course. You’re the only mother who values time with her children. We all bow to your superior mothering skills and your selfless love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

Why is “clean” in quotations? Do you think working parents don’t actually do laundry or are you talking about yourself?

I work and my child has actual clean clothes available at all times and we eat a home cooked meal (that was cooked by me) every night. I also make most of our food from scratch including bread and snacks and keep a pretty clean house. Child also participates in activities including one sport per season, music class, and scouts.

Op, what do you actually do all day? I had a stay at home mom and I was pretty awful as a teenager but I always knew and had an appreciation for all the things my mom did for our family. Which was A LOT, not spending her day on Pilates. If you are a sahm who has a lot of help and spends your days perfecting your physique and relaxing it’s a pretty valid question to ask.

Lady, NO ONE CARES how you choose to live your life. Stop trying to have dick measuring contest with a bunch of random women and worry about yourself. It’s actually not a competition.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure teenagers say insensitive comments to their work outside the home moms too.

[Anonymous]

It’s laughable that you claim being a sahm to teens is just as difficult as being a sahm to babies/toddlers. If you’re that exhausted scale back the Pilates and tennis.

If your kid is asking “what do you do all day” then it seems like you’re not doing a great job being a sahm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Then don't be upset when they say you don't work. Tennis and pilates?? Seriously? That's what you do?

What do you plan to do when you’re retired?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the best response is to lean into it and laugh. Weeeellllll after the pool boy leaves every day, I barely have any time to relax on the couch eating bon bons. It's a tough life, but someone has to live it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The thing is that all this gets done if both parents work. It’s not like their friends who have working parents don’t play sports, wear clean clothes or have dinner. Talk to your child about the pros and cons of staying home and why it works for you and DH and it may or may not work for then if they have families.

dp..

They may have "clean" clothes and eat dinner, but not necessarily home cooked meals, or eat dinner together.

And those parents are probably way more stressed out, which translates into more stress at home. And/or they outsource a lot of stuff, including their meals.

-signed a wfh mom

This is what people say to justify their own decisions and put down people who made different decisions.

Anyway a household with teens should always have clean clothes (because the teens should be doing their own laundry, no excuses) and a home cooked dinner. ANY household with teens is not eating diner together every night because those teens have activities in the evening.

My kids each did a year round sport, were in theater and orchestra, and it was rare that we did not have dinner together as a family.

We spend tons of time together but we all don’t eat. Kid has multiple activities a night plus homework and tutoring. There is no way your kid is in a year round sport, theater and orchestra (assuming orchestra is out of school) and you all eat together every night except if it’s very late or early.