Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

I made the decision years ago to quit my very demanding career to raise my 3 kids. I never regretted it but now that the kids are hitting their teens, it has become more difficult to deal with my reality. Being a sahm is still very much a full-time job, as exhausting (and yet not as stimulating) as when they were little. On top of that the kids have started making hurtful comments about it. Just the other day, my 13 year old DD said to me, “What do you even do all day.” The other kids have made similar comments, for example, when complaining about their homework load: “You don’t get how hard it is—It’s not like you ever have to work.” I try to stay calm when these things happen because I know they are just trying to push buttons and test boundaries, but the truth is, those comments really hit a nerve and I feel miserabile. Anyone else dealing with this?

[Anonymous]

Yes I can totally relate. I graduated from college making more money than my husband got my masters degree etc. but at one point decided to be a SAHM for personal reasons. The other day I told my daughter she needed to reign back on the Starbucks as it’s connected to our credit card and she said it’s not even YOUR money it’s Dad‘s. Oh hell, no!

[Anonymous]

Do they ever hear their dad say things like this?

[Anonymous]

I don't let those comments pass. But I heard them when my kids were younger

"I've always made more than your dad and if he had a uterus, he'd be the one with you now."

For the rest, own your choices.

[Anonymous]

My mom was a SAHM and in my brother and mine early teen ahole days, we said comments like this to my mom. For a week she didn't do anything for us/the house that she would normally do for us and my dad didn't step up so we would see how much she does.

It was a good wake up call for us. And it also gave me mom pause and she got involved in some more volunteer activities and did more for herself.

[Anonymous]

I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't let those comments pass. But I heard them when my kids were younger

"I've always made more than your dad and if he had a uterus, he'd be the one with you now."

For the rest, own your choices.

Good response.

Your kids are old enough to hear the hard truth: If I wasn't a sahm you would have to do more things for yourself, and therefore, your life would actually be harder. Why don't we try that for a couple of weeks -- you can do your own laundry, prepare your own food, clean the bathroom all by yourself, in addition to your HW and getting to/from your activity.

BTW, I wfh, but I was a sahm for 1.5 years. It wasn't for me, but I only have two kids. If I had more than two kids, I don't think I could be a FT wohm without going insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they ever hear their dad say things like this?

PP here with the "its not your money comment" No and Dad set her straight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a SAHM and in my brother and mine early teen ahole days, we said comments like this to my mom. For a week she didn't do anything for us/the house that she would normally do for us and my dad didn't step up so we would see how much she does.

It was a good wake up call for us. And it also gave me mom pause and she got involved in some more volunteer activities and did more for herself.

Bravo!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't let those comments pass. But I heard them when my kids were younger

"I've always made more than your dad and if he had a uterus, he'd be the one with you now."

For the rest, own your choices.

What does this mean?

If you've been a SAHP your kids' whole life how is your spouse not making more than you? How is your family being supported if your spouse makes less than a SAHP?

Are you saying that only people with uteruses can stay home with teenagers? What a bizarre thing to tell your kids.

I would absolutely call my kids on these statements. I'm not a SAHP now, but have been. However I have no idea what these responses even mean.

[Anonymous]

you and your DH failed raising your kids. it's a parenting issue, not about SHAM vs working.

[Anonymous]

Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a SAHM and in my brother and mine early teen ahole days, we said comments like this to my mom. For a week she didn't do anything for us/the house that she would normally do for us and my dad didn't step up so we would see how much she does.

It was a good wake up call for us. And it also gave me mom pause and she got involved in some more volunteer activities and did more for herself.

I like this idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

[Anonymous]

Your children are incredibly rude.