Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s laughable that you claim being a sahm to teens is just as difficult as being a sahm to babies/toddlers. If you’re that exhausted scale back the Pilates and tennis.

If your kid is asking “what do you do all day” then it seems like you’re not doing a great job being a sahm

Teens are much harder. We are going from after school till 10pm some nights with activities. Sports are sometimes at 5 am.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think I need to justify to anyone, especially a child, why I made the decision to be a SAHM. The OP’s child made a nasty comment to his mother. In my house, that would happen one time. First and foremost, my DH would have reacted to this inappropriate comment. If it happened again, his kid’s sweet life would change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure teenagers say insensitive comments to their work outside the home moms too.

Of course they do. My kids have said stuff about how I can’t volunteer in their classroom or chaperone field trips like the stay at home moms can. They’re kids, they don’t have enough perspective or context to see the trade offs in either situation. Only the insecure parents need to come to a message board to post their kids’ very normal kid comments to get validation for whichever path they chose.

[Anonymous]

If my kid said anything like that, it would be the one and only time. But playing tennis and doing Pilates is just asking for a comment. You’re a kept women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my kid said anything like that, it would be the one and only time. But playing tennis and doing Pilates is just asking for a comment. You’re a kept women.

Is any mom who plays tennis and goes to Pilates a kept woman? What if she goes after working hours, and what if there are a bunch of WOHMs in her Pilates class? What if she played tennis on Saturdays with a former colleague? What if she meets up with doctors or nurses who work a night shift?!

Is it the activity or the timing that defines being a kept woman in your world? OP has her personal “me” time during the school day, but has already “worked” a few hours early in the morning making food, cleaning, and schlepping kids around, and she’ll pick up the rest of her split shift after tennis…

[Anonymous]

Tell them you are exercising to keep in shape so you can watch 4+ grandkids in your 60s and 70s, because their parents can't afford daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid said anything like that, it would be the one and only time. But playing tennis and doing Pilates is just asking for a comment. You’re a kept women.

Is any mom who plays tennis and goes to Pilates a kept woman? What if she goes after working hours, and what if there are a bunch of WOHMs in her Pilates class? What if she played tennis on Saturdays with a former colleague? What if she meets up with doctors or nurses who work a night shift?!

Is it the activity or the timing that defines being a kept woman in your world? OP has her personal “me” time during the school day, but has already “worked” a few hours early in the morning making food, cleaning, and schlepping kids around, and she’ll pick up the rest of her split shift after tennis… [/quote


She is a kept woman because she is an adult who is financially dependent on someone else. She’s like a grown child. No wonder her kids ask her what she does during the day.

[Anonymous]

I would probably join them in the complaints about the homework load.
I really do feel bad for my teens with how much homework they have. It’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Teens are much harder. We are going from after school till 10pm some nights with activities. Sports are sometimes at 5 am.

100% agree with this. I am a working mom of 2 with a demanding job outside the house. I went back to work a few weeks after I gave birth and was comfortable doing so as we were lucky to have a wonderful nanny who was like family to us.
Fast forward 14 years later and now my kids need ME around. Sure, I can hire someone to cook, clean and do laundry, but they need me to help with homework when they come from school, they need me to help with high school applications, they need me to drive them around their sports practices and they need me to take them to games and tournaments on weekends.
When my daughter comes home upset from school because she’s dealing with mean girl behavior in middle school , she needs me to be around. I need to be around to make sure my kids aren’t hanging out with the wrong crowd at school.
Some things you just can’t delegate.
I’ve had to switch my work schedule to part time at work and plan to do so for the next few years until they go to college.

Looks like I’m not alone in feeling this way. There are several articles about parents taking “ teen-ternity “ leaves from work to spend more time with their teen kids.

https://parentingteensandtweens.com/parents-of-teens-are-taking-career-breaks/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s laughable that you claim being a sahm to teens is just as difficult as being a sahm to babies/toddlers. If you’re that exhausted scale back the Pilates and tennis.

If your kid is asking “what do you do all day” then it seems like you’re not doing a great job being a sahm

Teens are much harder. We are going from after school till 10pm some nights with activities. Sports are sometimes at 5 am.

But you have 6 hours to yourself to do whatever you want. And your teens can wipe their own butts and make their own snacks. SAHm to babies and toddlers is a relentless slog all day then they go to sleep and you’re cleaning up from the mess and then sleep and repeat.

YOURE not the one doing the activities; youre just driving. Its not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s laughable that you claim being a sahm to teens is just as difficult as being a sahm to babies/toddlers. If you’re that exhausted scale back the Pilates and tennis.

If your kid is asking “what do you do all day” then it seems like you’re not doing a great job being a sahm

Teens are much harder. We are going from after school till 10pm some nights with activities. Sports are sometimes at 5 am.

But you have 6 hours to yourself to do whatever you want. And your teens can wipe their own butts and make their own snacks. SAHm to babies and toddlers is a relentless slog all day then they go to sleep and you’re cleaning up from the mess and then sleep and repeat.

YOURE not the one doing the activities; youre just driving. Its not that hard.

Babies and toddlers sleep like 14 hours a day. If you have no time to yourself as a SAHM of babies and toddlers, you are doing it wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

Minus the driving to friends/sports, they should be doing all that other stuff anyway.

Are you their maid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

Why exactly did you post this then? I think I might agree with your kids….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not usually a very strict parent, but if my 13 year old said that to me I would make them submit to a week where I: do not drive them anywhere, including their favorite sports and classes, make them take the school bus, make them make their own meals, stop cleaning the house or doing the dishes, and stop doing laundry. If they have no idea what adulting looks like, we need to show them.

The issue with this (to me) is parents who both work do all these things for their children and their home. Adulting for most people looks like both parents holding down a job and doing all these things.

I think rather than react defensively, view it as an opportunity to have honest conversations about why it's a privilege to have the choice, pros and cons of the choice, why more often women do this than men, what it does to earning power, risks involved, rewards involved, why it was the right choice for you and what it means for your family. Ask them if they could see themselves doing this as parents and why. Listen to what they have to say. Treat them like thinking people and have a conversation with them about it.

I like this response. The reality is my DH and I work FT and because we've never stopped working, and now have the flexibility to get people where they need to go, make family dinner, etc. because we were able to set up our jobs to accommodate family needs. This was the benefit of not stopping. Your kids see this in other families I'm sure.

Also are you too invested in their lives? The SAHMs are the ones I know who do the bulk of the social engineering. They don't have much going on apart from their kids so they are in deep. Maybe your kids are actually asking you to back off and get something going that is not involving them, or pilates. Maybe volunteer in the morning a few days a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

I like doing stuff like this too. I feel bad for my kids that they have no free time. Their homework load IS kind of awful