The insanity of 1%er East Coast parents and college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

As a fellow formerly poor person, I concur. I and my siblings launched from poverty to top schools and are all in or near the top 1% income, providing top education k-12 that we never got. I am proud of my accomplishments as well, and have noted the same “striver” mockery from bitter long-term wealthy families who do not have children smart or driven enough to get in to the same level of elite college they attended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

As a fellow formerly poor person, I concur. I and my siblings launched from poverty to top schools and are all in or near the top 1% income, providing top education k-12 that we never got. I am proud of my accomplishments as well, and have noted the same “striver” mockery from bitter long-term wealthy families who do not have children smart or driven enough to get in to the same level of elite college they attended.

That's why "elitist" is a better term to use than striver. For some reason, achieving financial success with less than noble motives gets you the "stiver" label.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their efforts and activity which you deem insane is the very reason they are 1% and you are not OP. They focus on and do things that you do not.

And I find that completely morally bankrupt.

Elaborate please

because they are exclusively focused on themselves, fail to see how privileged their kids are, resort to griping about how other groups are taking away opportunities from their kids, are totally tone-deaf about other people who don’t have their level of privilege, AND exhibit greed and lack of generosity in other parts of their lives. And oh yeah, seem to be making their kids pretty miserable.

Again, exactly what privileges are you talking about?

what do you think I’m talking about?

I thought you were talking about they're simply more successful than you, no?

I mean private schools, full pay college, significant inheritances, HHIs well into 7 figures …

How is that an advantage for elite college admissions? It's actually a disadvantage unless you're legacy. You can say they're privileged in life, but not in college admissions.

Way to miss the point!!! Or prove the point, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

As a fellow formerly poor person, I concur. I and my siblings launched from poverty to top schools and are all in or near the top 1% income, providing top education k-12 that we never got. I am proud of my accomplishments as well, and have noted the same “striver” mockery from bitter long-term wealthy families who do not have children smart or driven enough to get in to the same level of elite college they attended.

OP here. The problem is seeing your children as an extension of your striving. While I can appreciate that some kids are talented and self-motivated and strive for a top college, what I’m talking about is the atmosphere of bitter panic at facing the fact that Larlo may not get into as elite a college as they had hoped. Perhaps your attitude and values are better than that because you acknowledge it actually is about working hard, not entitlement or gaming the system or blaming other kids for your kids (actually perfectly acceptable but less elite) college choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

But we aren't talking about your children's achievements. We are talking about the insane efforts of 1%ers to get their kids into a small number of elite colleges by any means necessary, including (and in fact primarily), via parental effort and not student achievement.

Ambition and striving are not the same thing. Ambition is "I'm going to do as much as I can with what I have to achieve as much as possible." No one is criticizing ambition -- if your kids are ambitious I wish them well. Start companies, patent inventions, become leaders in business, law, politics, art, culture. I love ambitious people.

Striving is "I'm going to get myself or my child into XYZ elite institution because I believe that admission to these institutions will validate our family's social status as elite and better than others." I have zero respect for striving. It serves no useful purpose and people who drive themselves and their children crazy over striving are a cultural drag because their behavior divorces success from actual achievement or merit.

Best of luck to you and your kids.

The term "striver" has been co-opted by DCUM to define it in a way that really isn't universally believed.

Below is from a 2024 Forbes article:

Most people fail to get what they want out of their careers and lives for one simple reason: they don't try hard enough or strive for what they want. They lack a striver mindset and give up easily. They have never learned to persist and strive for higher achievement.

The highest achievers in every field are strivers who overcome failures and setbacks, keep learning and improving, and have grit, discipline, and a strong work ethic. A striver mindset also harbors a positive self-belief that expects success when faced with any adversity.

Some people are born with this mindset. They are naturally more tenacious and grittier than others. But for most people, their parents instill a striver mindset, usually at an early age. Kids develop this culture of striving through observation, repetition, and practice. If you wish to raise your child to reach for excellence and shine in the face of adversity, create an environment that allows them to build a striver mindset. This is a skill that will help them throughout their lives.

What is a Striver Mindset?
A striver mindset is best described by the words of Dr. Martin Luther King: "Don’t just set out to do a good job. Set out to do such a good job that the living, the dead, or the unborn couldn’t do it any better.” If you help your kids approach tasks with this mindset, nothing can stop them. A striver mindset sets a high bar and teaches kids that nothing is unattainable if they put their minds to it. It toughens kids and instills an elevated level of confidence in them.

The concept of a culture of striving was initially developed by Lew Hardy and his co-researchers, who studied the psychological makeup of the most accomplished athletes in England. They showed that “super-elite” athletes (multiple gold medalists) grew up in an environment that enabled the development of four traits that combined to create a striver mindset: (1) An expectation of achievement, where they believed they could achieve whatever they set their mind to; (2) a strong work ethic; (3) a drive to win, by developing a highly competitive environment at home; and (4) a high value on task mastery, or a desire to keep honing skills.

Yes, but we are on DCUM and needed a simple term to describe the weird, status-obsessed social climbers who think their kids’ lives are over if they don’t attend a T20.

According to OP, these parents are already very wealthy, the kids have large trust funds etc. Those are not "strivers". Strivers are UPM chasing the wealthy, or ambitious UMC. The term has been used in derogatory manner for as long as I've been on DCUM (many years) but it was always with a point that strivers are different from the old money who don't feel the need to show off, prove themselves and strive so hard. The opposite of striving is being effortless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM, where ambition is a dirty word.

Other people's ambition, that is.

^
THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

As a fellow formerly poor person, I concur. I and my siblings launched from poverty to top schools and are all in or near the top 1% income, providing top education k-12 that we never got. I am proud of my accomplishments as well, and have noted the same “striver” mockery from bitter long-term wealthy families who do not have children smart or driven enough to get in to the same level of elite college they attended.

OP here. The problem is seeing your children as an extension of your striving. While I can appreciate that some kids are talented and self-motivated and strive for a top college, what I’m talking about is the atmosphere of bitter panic at facing the fact that Larlo may not get into as elite a college as they had hoped. Perhaps your attitude and values are better than that because you acknowledge it actually is about working hard, not entitlement or gaming the system or blaming other kids for your kids (actually perfectly acceptable but less elite) college choices.

Our children are our extension. Parents want their children to be better, or at least, not worse, than themselves. Children's success makes them proud. It's the most natural thing in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their efforts and activity which you deem insane is the very reason they are 1% and you are not OP. They focus on and do things that you do not.

And I find that completely morally bankrupt.

Elaborate please

because they are exclusively focused on themselves, fail to see how privileged their kids are, resort to griping about how other groups are taking away opportunities from their kids, are totally tone-deaf about other people who don’t have their level of privilege, AND exhibit greed and lack of generosity in other parts of their lives. And oh yeah, seem to be making their kids pretty miserable.

Again, exactly what privileges are you talking about?

what do you think I’m talking about?

I thought you were talking about they're simply more successful than you, no?

I mean private schools, full pay college, significant inheritances, HHIs well into 7 figures …

How is that an advantage for elite college admissions? It's actually a disadvantage unless you're legacy. You can say they're privileged in life, but not in college admissions.

Way to miss the point!!! Or prove the point, actually.

You're a stupid communist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

As a fellow formerly poor person, I concur. I and my siblings launched from poverty to top schools and are all in or near the top 1% income, providing top education k-12 that we never got. I am proud of my accomplishments as well, and have noted the same “striver” mockery from bitter long-term wealthy families who do not have children smart or driven enough to get in to the same level of elite college they attended.

OP here. The problem is seeing your children as an extension of your striving. While I can appreciate that some kids are talented and self-motivated and strive for a top college, what I’m talking about is the atmosphere of bitter panic at facing the fact that Larlo may not get into as elite a college as they had hoped. Perhaps your attitude and values are better than that because you acknowledge it actually is about working hard, not entitlement or gaming the system or blaming other kids for your kids (actually perfectly acceptable but less elite) college choices.

Our children are our extension. Parents want their children to be better, or at least, not worse, than themselves. Children's success makes them proud. It's the most natural thing in the world.

But if you are already top 1% in terms of wealth and you define success as income or wealth, you are painting yourself into a corner. The expectation that your child will be able to top your financial success is delusional.

Now, if you define success in terms of pursuing a field about which they have passion and then achieving within that field, then you have something. But your kid doesn't have to go to one of a tiny number of elite colleges to do this. Is your child's true passion really "management consulting"? If not, they don't actually have to attend Harvard. If they are a top student and get a bit lucky they can go anyway (especially since you will no doubt have guaranteed them K-12 at a top feeder and access to any extra curricular their heart desires and tutors and test prep) but they don't need to do so in order to be successful. So you can chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

As a fellow formerly poor person, I concur. I and my siblings launched from poverty to top schools and are all in or near the top 1% income, providing top education k-12 that we never got. I am proud of my accomplishments as well, and have noted the same “striver” mockery from bitter long-term wealthy families who do not have children smart or driven enough to get in to the same level of elite college they attended.

OP here. The problem is seeing your children as an extension of your striving. While I can appreciate that some kids are talented and self-motivated and strive for a top college, what I’m talking about is the atmosphere of bitter panic at facing the fact that Larlo may not get into as elite a college as they had hoped. Perhaps your attitude and values are better than that because you acknowledge it actually is about working hard, not entitlement or gaming the system or blaming other kids for your kids (actually perfectly acceptable but less elite) college choices.

Our children are our extension. Parents want their children to be better, or at least, not worse, than themselves. Children's success makes them proud. It's the most natural thing in the world.

But if you are already top 1% in terms of wealth and you define success as income or wealth, you are painting yourself into a corner. The expectation that your child will be able to top your financial success is delusional.

Now, if you define success in terms of pursuing a field about which they have passion and then achieving within that field, then you have something. But your kid doesn't have to go to one of a tiny number of elite colleges to do this. Is your child's true passion really "management consulting"? If not, they don't actually have to attend Harvard. If they are a top student and get a bit lucky they can go anyway (especially since you will no doubt have guaranteed them K-12 at a top feeder and access to any extra curricular their heart desires and tutors and test prep) but they don't need to do so in order to be successful. So you can chill.

Ok, I actually don't believe that people worth tens of millions of dollars are pulling hair re: ivy admissions. I just don't buy the facts as OP presented them.

But I also resent this idea of pursuing one's passion as some sort of healthy alternative to striving where, today, it leads to near poverty or failure or some kind of fake/bought for success in a vast majority of cases. Becoming a famous a Harvard employed entomologist is not easier than creating a business worth 20 million dollars. It's not a more modest or loftier goal. It's just a different kind of gamble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

As a fellow formerly poor person, I concur. I and my siblings launched from poverty to top schools and are all in or near the top 1% income, providing top education k-12 that we never got. I am proud of my accomplishments as well, and have noted the same “striver” mockery from bitter long-term wealthy families who do not have children smart or driven enough to get in to the same level of elite college they attended.

OP here. The problem is seeing your children as an extension of your striving. While I can appreciate that some kids are talented and self-motivated and strive for a top college, what I’m talking about is the atmosphere of bitter panic at facing the fact that Larlo may not get into as elite a college as they had hoped. Perhaps your attitude and values are better than that because you acknowledge it actually is about working hard, not entitlement or gaming the system or blaming other kids for your kids (actually perfectly acceptable but less elite) college choices.

Our children are our extension. Parents want their children to be better, or at least, not worse, than themselves. Children's success makes them proud. It's the most natural thing in the world.

But if you are already top 1% in terms of wealth and you define success as income or wealth, you are painting yourself into a corner. The expectation that your child will be able to top your financial success is delusional.

Now, if you define success in terms of pursuing a field about which they have passion and then achieving within that field, then you have something. But your kid doesn't have to go to one of a tiny number of elite colleges to do this. Is your child's true passion really "management consulting"? If not, they don't actually have to attend Harvard. If they are a top student and get a bit lucky they can go anyway (especially since you will no doubt have guaranteed them K-12 at a top feeder and access to any extra curricular their heart desires and tutors and test prep) but they don't need to do so in order to be successful. So you can chill.

Ok, I actually don't believe that people worth tens of millions of dollars are pulling hair re: ivy admissions. I just don't buy the facts as OP presented them.

But I also resent this idea of pursuing one's passion as some sort of healthy alternative to striving where, today, it leads to near poverty or failure or some kind of fake/bought for success in a vast majority of cases. Becoming a famous a Harvard employed entomologist is not easier than creating a business worth 20 million dollars. It's not a more modest or loftier goal. It's just a different kind of gamble.

oh they are though.

And unless you’re caught up in this morally bankrupt delusion, you can see the obvious: there’s a massive middle ground between “poverty and failure” and wasting your life as a management consultant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t just an east coast phenomena. Wealthy enclaves all over the US are largely the same. Nothing special about east coasters except maybe their admiration of NE SLACS. USNWR, Princeton Review, etc. are available to everyone and influencing even if some don’t admit it.

It is worse in the DCUM and Northeast. Lived there and PNW. I'll take the more laid back approach in the PNW anyway. Yes there are those strivers, but there are way less and it's not as prevalent of a nasty attitude in MS/HS

Is striver the new fangled way of saying "NEEEERDS!!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

But we aren't talking about your children's achievements. We are talking about the insane efforts of 1%ers to get their kids into a small number of elite colleges by any means necessary, including (and in fact primarily), via parental effort and not student achievement.

Ambition and striving are not the same thing. Ambition is "I'm going to do as much as I can with what I have to achieve as much as possible." No one is criticizing ambition -- if your kids are ambitious I wish them well. Start companies, patent inventions, become leaders in business, law, politics, art, culture. I love ambitious people.

Striving is "I'm going to get myself or my child into XYZ elite institution because I believe that admission to these institutions will validate our family's social status as elite and better than others." I have zero respect for striving. It serves no useful purpose and people who drive themselves and their children crazy over striving are a cultural drag because their behavior divorces success from actual achievement or merit.

Best of luck to you and your kids.

Who really says the latter? I mean, everyone thinks they are doing the former.

When white kids do it; it is the former and when asian kids do it; it is the latter, you dummy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

But we aren't talking about your children's achievements. We are talking about the insane efforts of 1%ers to get their kids into a small number of elite colleges by any means necessary, including (and in fact primarily), via parental effort and not student achievement.

Ambition and striving are not the same thing. Ambition is "I'm going to do as much as I can with what I have to achieve as much as possible." No one is criticizing ambition -- if your kids are ambitious I wish them well. Start companies, patent inventions, become leaders in business, law, politics, art, culture. I love ambitious people.

Striving is "I'm going to get myself or my child into XYZ elite institution because I believe that admission to these institutions will validate our family's social status as elite and better than others." I have zero respect for striving. It serves no useful purpose and people who drive themselves and their children crazy over striving are a cultural drag because their behavior divorces success from actual achievement or merit.

Best of luck to you and your kids.

And it’s also all the endless whining about how unfair this or that is, the not-so-subtle put downs of perfectly good (but relatively less prestigious) colleges, the terrible values being conveyed to the kids, the harm they are doing to their kids.

What are people whining about?
What colleges are being put down?
What terrible values?
What harm are they doing to their own kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the peanut gallery watching several 1%ers in the college admissions process. It is INSANE. please folks get ahold of yourselves. Your super privileged kids are going to be fine.

emvious much? stop judging and focus on your own kids. Crowd-sourcing here for affirmation will get you nowhere in life or in assisting your own kids. You are wasting time being bitter.

NP. My kid is going to school with a ton of merit at a school that most of you wouldn't deign to even allow them to apply to. DC will have a ton of money left over for grad school, too. (And she got into "elite" schools in the NE but opted for a better financial situation- DC's choice). Sometimes it's not jealousy.

I say this as a striver asian parent. A lot of us aren't as rich as most of the people on this website and we can either help our kids with college or a down payment but not both.
A full ride is an entirely valid reason to attend pretty much any college.
In my mind outside of HYPSM I would ask my child to consider a GMU full ride over Georgetown or USC with the idea that I would be able to provide more help if they attended graduate school or wanted to become house poor.