The insanity of 1%er East Coast parents and college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

True, but nothing's stopping you and your child from following that path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the peanut gallery watching several 1%ers in the college admissions process. It is INSANE. please folks get ahold of yourselves. Your super privileged kids are going to be fine.

What exactly did they do to make you so mad (jealous)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

True, but nothing's stopping you and your child from following that path.

This. And actually your situation is a million times better for financial reasons.

I really respect it when I hear that one of my [wealthy, very privileged] friend's kids is going to a school outside the T25 or even T50 because they just found a school that was a great fit. Like I have a friend whose daughter is going to to a state school you probably wouldn't even think about but it has a terrific program in forestry and environmental science and that's what her DD wants to do. I know another kid who wound up at a smaller school in Texas because of their photography program and because he really likes that part of the country. I think these kids are going to do great in life because they know themselves and what they want AND they have supportive and wealthy parents who can help them with the finance side.

Kids who are actually from bumble**** North Dakota often don't have that kind of support and their options can be super limited as a result. They also often haven't seen enough of the world to really have a sense of what is possible, what different career paths look like, etc. I know because I was one of those kids. It's incredibly hard navigating the world when you grow up with a narrow viewpoint and your parents don't have much knowledge of the world either. I was a super academic kid who wanted more and knew I wouldn't be happy just getting some management/white collar job locally -- I wanted to see more of the world. But I was really ill-prepared for it and made a ton of mistakes along the way and my parents were of no help.

I have to roll my eyes hard at people who lament that they would be "better off" if they lived in some rural town and their kid just went to the state flagship. You are assuming you'd still have all your other privileges -- your education and understanding of the world, your connections, etc. And that sending your kid to the state flagship would pose no economic burden whatsoever (I needed a scholarship that required me to maintain a 3.8 in honors classes in order to afford college). Most people in that situation have none of the above.

You all sound like whiny children. Grow up. I'm sorry your kid might not get into Brown? Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the peanut gallery watching several 1%ers in the college admissions process. It is INSANE. please folks get ahold of yourselves. Your super privileged kids are going to be fine.

You realize that this forum is just a small subset of parents DC area and a few others? Most people I know aren't like the ones posting here.

I have a HS senior and find that this forum is occasionally helpful. Fingers crossed that he will get into State U!

[Anonymous]

DCUM, where ambition is a dirty word.

Other people's ambition, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

What? Are you disgruntled because you are a 1%er with a kid who wants to go to an elite school because of name and thinks their wealth makes them entitled ? Those days were over a generation ago. Mine are at different ivies. We are top3% income ie full pay & make it work because we saved. Most there are on aid. Smart is the new rich. Me and many of my elite college peers went there highly aided in the 90s, now we make enough for our kids to be full pay. Since they are as smart or smarter than we are they got in just fine no hooks (in fact their demographic is a bit of a negative yet they still got in). There are plenty of non elite but still T75 for 1% wealth who are not in the top% of smarts/talent.

I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make, that your kids only got in because they are full pay? And you’re only 3 percent not 1 percent?

The point is that the wealthy families believe their kids are entitled to a spot in elite colleges purely by virtue of their wealth, and are besides themselves when they realize this is not true.

In your view, what makes the supposed "elite colleges" elite today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

True, but nothing's stopping you and your child from following that path.

This. And actually your situation is a million times better for financial reasons.

I really respect it when I hear that one of my [wealthy, very privileged] friend's kids is going to a school outside the T25 or even T50 because they just found a school that was a great fit. Like I have a friend whose daughter is going to to a state school you probably wouldn't even think about but it has a terrific program in forestry and environmental science and that's what her DD wants to do. I know another kid who wound up at a smaller school in Texas because of their photography program and because he really likes that part of the country. I think these kids are going to do great in life because they know themselves and what they want AND they have supportive and wealthy parents who can help them with the finance side.

Kids who are actually from bumble**** North Dakota often don't have that kind of support and their options can be super limited as a result. They also often haven't seen enough of the world to really have a sense of what is possible, what different career paths look like, etc. I know because I was one of those kids. It's incredibly hard navigating the world when you grow up with a narrow viewpoint and your parents don't have much knowledge of the world either. I was a super academic kid who wanted more and knew I wouldn't be happy just getting some management/white collar job locally -- I wanted to see more of the world. But I was really ill-prepared for it and made a ton of mistakes along the way and my parents were of no help.

I have to roll my eyes hard at people who lament that they would be "better off" if they lived in some rural town and their kid just went to the state flagship. You are assuming you'd still have all your other privileges -- your education and understanding of the world, your connections, etc. And that sending your kid to the state flagship would pose no economic burden whatsoever (I needed a scholarship that required me to maintain a 3.8 in honors classes in order to afford college). Most people in that situation have none of the above.

You all sound like whiny children. Grow up. I'm sorry your kid might not get into Brown? Whatever.

New poster here. There are plenty and I mean plenty of folks who went to their “state flagship“ who were doing better than fine. This is a ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the peanut gallery watching several 1%ers in the college admissions process. It is INSANE. please folks get ahold of yourselves. Your super privileged kids are going to be fine.

You realize that this forum is just a small subset of parents DC area and a few others? Most people I know aren't like the ones posting here.

I have a HS senior and find that this forum is occasionally helpful. Fingers crossed that he will get into State U!

No OP is not talking about this forum. Sometimes you see posts here from people who could be the 1%ers. But mostly this is UMC people freaking out.

The 1%ers are in fact insane about this stuff and they have the ability to do absolutely crazy things in order to achieve their goals of getting their kids into specific colleges. At that level it's not about "can we boost Junior's SAT score another 50 points" or "should we push for another AP?" It's about access, connections, a huge sums of money changing hands. It is crazy and ultimately weird because the kids of these people have the least to lose by just going to State U. They all have massive trust funds and have access to career paths no one else's kid has access to (like "start your own hedge fund in your 20s" or "work for editor of Vogue and then found own fashion website"). It truly doesn't matter where they go to school and many of them don't really need college. They've often gotten extremely elite K-12 educations and can already write and communicate at a high enough level to serve them in most industries. They don't need it for connections or relationships. They only need college if they want to be lawyers or doctors or something and most of them don't want to do that because those are actually really bourgeois for this crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

True, but nothing's stopping you and your child from following that path.

Something only a white person can say. Non-white people don't have this luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

True, but nothing's stopping you and your child from following that path.

This. And actually your situation is a million times better for financial reasons.

I really respect it when I hear that one of my [wealthy, very privileged] friend's kids is going to a school outside the T25 or even T50 because they just found a school that was a great fit. Like I have a friend whose daughter is going to to a state school you probably wouldn't even think about but it has a terrific program in forestry and environmental science and that's what her DD wants to do. I know another kid who wound up at a smaller school in Texas because of their photography program and because he really likes that part of the country. I think these kids are going to do great in life because they know themselves and what they want AND they have supportive and wealthy parents who can help them with the finance side.

Kids who are actually from bumble**** North Dakota often don't have that kind of support and their options can be super limited as a result. They also often haven't seen enough of the world to really have a sense of what is possible, what different career paths look like, etc. I know because I was one of those kids. It's incredibly hard navigating the world when you grow up with a narrow viewpoint and your parents don't have much knowledge of the world either. I was a super academic kid who wanted more and knew I wouldn't be happy just getting some management/white collar job locally -- I wanted to see more of the world. But I was really ill-prepared for it and made a ton of mistakes along the way and my parents were of no help.

I have to roll my eyes hard at people who lament that they would be "better off" if they lived in some rural town and their kid just went to the state flagship. You are assuming you'd still have all your other privileges -- your education and understanding of the world, your connections, etc. And that sending your kid to the state flagship would pose no economic burden whatsoever (I needed a scholarship that required me to maintain a 3.8 in honors classes in order to afford college). Most people in that situation have none of the above.

You all sound like whiny children. Grow up. I'm sorry your kid might not get into Brown? Whatever.

New poster here. There are plenty and I mean plenty of folks who went to their “state flagship“ who were doing better than fine. This is a ridiculous.

PP here and yes, I am one of them. The point is that the PP who is like "this would be so much easier of we lived in North Dakota and my kid just went to the University of North Dakota" is being ridiculous because their kid CAN go to the University of North Dakota. Literally nothing stopping them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

What? Are you disgruntled because you are a 1%er with a kid who wants to go to an elite school because of name and thinks their wealth makes them entitled ? Those days were over a generation ago. Mine are at different ivies. We are top3% income ie full pay & make it work because we saved. Most there are on aid. Smart is the new rich. Me and many of my elite college peers went there highly aided in the 90s, now we make enough for our kids to be full pay. Since they are as smart or smarter than we are they got in just fine no hooks (in fact their demographic is a bit of a negative yet they still got in). There are plenty of non elite but still T75 for 1% wealth who are not in the top% of smarts/talent.

exactly!! These families I am talking about *actively and expressly* talk about how disadvantaged they are by their privilege.

You're right that they're disadvantaged. So where is the privilege?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

What? Are you disgruntled because you are a 1%er with a kid who wants to go to an elite school because of name and thinks their wealth makes them entitled ? Those days were over a generation ago. Mine are at different ivies. We are top3% income ie full pay & make it work because we saved. Most there are on aid. Smart is the new rich. Me and many of my elite college peers went there highly aided in the 90s, now we make enough for our kids to be full pay. Since they are as smart or smarter than we are they got in just fine no hooks (in fact their demographic is a bit of a negative yet they still got in). There are plenty of non elite but still T75 for 1% wealth who are not in the top% of smarts/talent.

exactly!! These families I am talking about *actively and expressly* talk about how disadvantaged they are by their privilege.

Well they need to get a reality hit soon. I'm certain they dont want to relive the last 18+ years living like most who are getting full FA (or close to it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t just an east coast phenomena. Wealthy enclaves all over the US are largely the same. Nothing special about east coasters except maybe their admiration of NE SLACS. USNWR, Princeton Review, etc. are available to everyone and influencing even if some don’t admit it.

It is worse in the DCUM and Northeast. Lived there and PNW. I'll take the more laid back approach in the PNW anyway. Yes there are those strivers, but there are way less and it's not as prevalent of a nasty attitude in MS/HS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

True, but nothing's stopping you and your child from following that path.

Something only a white person can say. Non-white people don't have this luxury.

There are diverse versions of the public universities in North Dakota. Look at state schools in the South or Southwest. If you are black, HBCUs are also a great option. If the demographics of North Dakota are not to your liking, there are many other schools outside the T50 with very diverse campuses and in diverse parts of the country that could be.

Also while I don't know the demographics of schools in North Dakota, I went to a state university with a very small black student population but very large hispanic and native student populations (about 40% of students were hispanic, native, or mixed race including one of those). It was in a part of the country with large hispanic and native populations but few black people so this made sense.

Actually a lot more native and hispanic people at my alma mater than Harvard, actually.