The insanity of 1%er East Coast parents and college

[Anonymous]

It boggles my mind why people who don't like information shared in a public forum (i) continue to use the site for information and (ii) take the time to post indendiary comments.

If you are beholden to continuing on a site for which you have no respect, please get counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What 1% are you talking about?
Income in the 99th percentile?
Or kids in the 99th percentile of test scores?

I'd like to know where this insult is aiming at.

Both types of 1%ers are obviously at a severe disadvantage in college admissions 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

But we aren't talking about your children's achievements. We are talking about the insane efforts of 1%ers to get their kids into a small number of elite colleges by any means necessary, including (and in fact primarily), via parental effort and not student achievement.

Ambition and striving are not the same thing. Ambition is "I'm going to do as much as I can with what I have to achieve as much as possible." No one is criticizing ambition -- if your kids are ambitious I wish them well. Start companies, patent inventions, become leaders in business, law, politics, art, culture. I love ambitious people.

Striving is "I'm going to get myself or my child into XYZ elite institution because I believe that admission to these institutions will validate our family's social status as elite and better than others." I have zero respect for striving. It serves no useful purpose and people who drive themselves and their children crazy over striving are a cultural drag because their behavior divorces success from actual achievement or merit.

Best of luck to you and your kids.

And it’s also all the endless whining about how unfair this or that is, the not-so-subtle put downs of perfectly good (but relatively less prestigious) colleges, the terrible values being conveyed to the kids, the harm they are doing to their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their efforts and activity which you deem insane is the very reason they are 1% and you are not OP. They focus on and do things that you do not.

And I find that completely morally bankrupt.

Elaborate please

because they are exclusively focused on themselves, fail to see how privileged their kids are, resort to griping about how other groups are taking away opportunities from their kids, are totally tone-deaf about other people who don’t have their level of privilege, AND exhibit greed and lack of generosity in other parts of their lives. And oh yeah, seem to be making their kids pretty miserable.

Again, exactly what privileges are you talking about?

what do you think I’m talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the peanut gallery watching several 1%ers in the college admissions process. It is INSANE. please folks get ahold of yourselves. Your super privileged kids are going to be fine.

emvious much? stop judging and focus on your own kids. Crowd-sourcing here for affirmation will get you nowhere in life or in assisting your own kids. You are wasting time being bitter.

NP. My kid is going to school with a ton of merit at a school that most of you wouldn't deign to even allow them to apply to. DC will have a ton of money left over for grad school, too. (And she got into "elite" schools in the NE but opted for a better financial situation- DC's choice). Sometimes it's not jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their efforts and activity which you deem insane is the very reason they are 1% and you are not OP. They focus on and do things that you do not.

And I find that completely morally bankrupt.

Elaborate please

because they are exclusively focused on themselves, fail to see how privileged their kids are, resort to griping about how other groups are taking away opportunities from their kids, are totally tone-deaf about other people who don’t have their level of privilege, AND exhibit greed and lack of generosity in other parts of their lives. And oh yeah, seem to be making their kids pretty miserable.

Again, exactly what privileges are you talking about?

what do you think I’m talking about?

I thought you were talking about they're simply more successful than you, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

What? Are you disgruntled because you are a 1%er with a kid who wants to go to an elite school because of name and thinks their wealth makes them entitled ? Those days were over a generation ago. Mine are at different ivies. We are top3% income ie full pay & make it work because we saved. Most there are on aid. Smart is the new rich. Me and many of my elite college peers went there highly aided in the 90s, now we make enough for our kids to be full pay. Since they are as smart or smarter than we are they got in just fine no hooks (in fact their demographic is a bit of a negative yet they still got in). There are plenty of non elite but still T75 for 1% wealth who are not in the top% of smarts/talent.

I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make, that your kids only got in because they are full pay? And you’re only 3 percent not 1 percent?

Or that they went to an an Ivy but came out with the same shit grammar that signals a poor education and unintelligent cohort?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their efforts and activity which you deem insane is the very reason they are 1% and you are not OP. They focus on and do things that you do not.

And I find that completely morally bankrupt.

Elaborate please

because they are exclusively focused on themselves, fail to see how privileged their kids are, resort to griping about how other groups are taking away opportunities from their kids, are totally tone-deaf about other people who don’t have their level of privilege, AND exhibit greed and lack of generosity in other parts of their lives. And oh yeah, seem to be making their kids pretty miserable.

Again, exactly what privileges are you talking about?

what do you think I’m talking about?

I thought you were talking about they're simply more successful than you, no?

I mean private schools, full pay college, significant inheritances, HHIs well into 7 figures …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their efforts and activity which you deem insane is the very reason they are 1% and you are not OP. They focus on and do things that you do not.

And I find that completely morally bankrupt.

Elaborate please

because they are exclusively focused on themselves, fail to see how privileged their kids are, resort to griping about how other groups are taking away opportunities from their kids, are totally tone-deaf about other people who don’t have their level of privilege, AND exhibit greed and lack of generosity in other parts of their lives. And oh yeah, seem to be making their kids pretty miserable.

Again, exactly what privileges are you talking about?

what do you think I’m talking about?

I thought you were talking about they're simply more successful than you, no?

I mean private schools, full pay college, significant inheritances, HHIs well into 7 figures …

How is that an advantage for elite college admissions? It's actually a disadvantage unless you're legacy. You can say they're privileged in life, but not in college admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

But we aren't talking about your children's achievements. We are talking about the insane efforts of 1%ers to get their kids into a small number of elite colleges by any means necessary, including (and in fact primarily), via parental effort and not student achievement.

Ambition and striving are not the same thing. Ambition is "I'm going to do as much as I can with what I have to achieve as much as possible." No one is criticizing ambition -- if your kids are ambitious I wish them well. Start companies, patent inventions, become leaders in business, law, politics, art, culture. I love ambitious people.

Striving is "I'm going to get myself or my child into XYZ elite institution because I believe that admission to these institutions will validate our family's social status as elite and better than others." I have zero respect for striving. It serves no useful purpose and people who drive themselves and their children crazy over striving are a cultural drag because their behavior divorces success from actual achievement or merit.

Best of luck to you and your kids.

The term "striver" has been co-opted by DCUM to define it in a way that really isn't universally believed.

Below is from a 2024 Forbes article:

Most people fail to get what they want out of their careers and lives for one simple reason: they don't try hard enough or strive for what they want. They lack a striver mindset and give up easily. They have never learned to persist and strive for higher achievement.

The highest achievers in every field are strivers who overcome failures and setbacks, keep learning and improving, and have grit, discipline, and a strong work ethic. A striver mindset also harbors a positive self-belief that expects success when faced with any adversity.

Some people are born with this mindset. They are naturally more tenacious and grittier than others. But for most people, their parents instill a striver mindset, usually at an early age. Kids develop this culture of striving through observation, repetition, and practice. If you wish to raise your child to reach for excellence and shine in the face of adversity, create an environment that allows them to build a striver mindset. This is a skill that will help them throughout their lives.

What is a Striver Mindset?
A striver mindset is best described by the words of Dr. Martin Luther King: "Don’t just set out to do a good job. Set out to do such a good job that the living, the dead, or the unborn couldn’t do it any better.” If you help your kids approach tasks with this mindset, nothing can stop them. A striver mindset sets a high bar and teaches kids that nothing is unattainable if they put their minds to it. It toughens kids and instills an elevated level of confidence in them.

The concept of a culture of striving was initially developed by Lew Hardy and his co-researchers, who studied the psychological makeup of the most accomplished athletes in England. They showed that “super-elite” athletes (multiple gold medalists) grew up in an environment that enabled the development of four traits that combined to create a striver mindset: (1) An expectation of achievement, where they believed they could achieve whatever they set their mind to; (2) a strong work ethic; (3) a drive to win, by developing a highly competitive environment at home; and (4) a high value on task mastery, or a desire to keep honing skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

What? Are you disgruntled because you are a 1%er with a kid who wants to go to an elite school because of name and thinks their wealth makes them entitled ? Those days were over a generation ago. Mine are at different ivies. We are top3% income ie full pay & make it work because we saved. Most there are on aid. Smart is the new rich. Me and many of my elite college peers went there highly aided in the 90s, now we make enough for our kids to be full pay. Since they are as smart or smarter than we are they got in just fine no hooks (in fact their demographic is a bit of a negative yet they still got in). There are plenty of non elite but still T75 for 1% wealth who are not in the top% of smarts/talent.

I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make, that your kids only got in because they are full pay? And you’re only 3 percent not 1 percent?

The point is that the wealthy families believe their kids are entitled to a spot in elite colleges purely by virtue of their wealth, and are besides themselves when they realize this is not true.

Bingo

[Anonymous]

I disagree. This site is at its best when people share info without judgment. I do believe there are strivers everywhere regardless of geography. But good people everywhere too. Here’s to the good folks trying to help one another out. And good luck to all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

What? Are you disgruntled because you are a 1%er with a kid who wants to go to an elite school because of name and thinks their wealth makes them entitled ? Those days were over a generation ago. Mine are at different ivies. We are top3% income ie full pay & make it work because we saved. Most there are on aid. Smart is the new rich. Me and many of my elite college peers went there highly aided in the 90s, now we make enough for our kids to be full pay. Since they are as smart or smarter than we are they got in just fine no hooks (in fact their demographic is a bit of a negative yet they still got in). There are plenty of non elite but still T75 for 1% wealth who are not in the top% of smarts/talent.

I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make, that your kids only got in because they are full pay? And you’re only 3 percent not 1 percent?

The point is that the wealthy families believe their kids are entitled to a spot in elite colleges purely by virtue of their wealth, and are besides themselves when they realize this is not true.

In your view, what makes the supposed "elite colleges" elite today?

They have the highest percent of the smartest kids so they can have a broad collection of truly challenging courses, yet small enough to know faculty. Additionally they have almost unlimited resources for the students, including but not limited to real research and international summer experiences. The mix leads to the best outcomes, provided the student is ready for the competition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on.

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers.

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements.

But we aren't talking about your children's achievements. We are talking about the insane efforts of 1%ers to get their kids into a small number of elite colleges by any means necessary, including (and in fact primarily), via parental effort and not student achievement.

Ambition and striving are not the same thing. Ambition is "I'm going to do as much as I can with what I have to achieve as much as possible." No one is criticizing ambition -- if your kids are ambitious I wish them well. Start companies, patent inventions, become leaders in business, law, politics, art, culture. I love ambitious people.

Striving is "I'm going to get myself or my child into XYZ elite institution because I believe that admission to these institutions will validate our family's social status as elite and better than others." I have zero respect for striving. It serves no useful purpose and people who drive themselves and their children crazy over striving are a cultural drag because their behavior divorces success from actual achievement or merit.

Best of luck to you and your kids.

The term "striver" has been co-opted by DCUM to define it in a way that really isn't universally believed.

Below is from a 2024 Forbes article:

Most people fail to get what they want out of their careers and lives for one simple reason: they don't try hard enough or strive for what they want. They lack a striver mindset and give up easily. They have never learned to persist and strive for higher achievement.

The highest achievers in every field are strivers who overcome failures and setbacks, keep learning and improving, and have grit, discipline, and a strong work ethic. A striver mindset also harbors a positive self-belief that expects success when faced with any adversity.

Some people are born with this mindset. They are naturally more tenacious and grittier than others. But for most people, their parents instill a striver mindset, usually at an early age. Kids develop this culture of striving through observation, repetition, and practice. If you wish to raise your child to reach for excellence and shine in the face of adversity, create an environment that allows them to build a striver mindset. This is a skill that will help them throughout their lives.

What is a Striver Mindset?
A striver mindset is best described by the words of Dr. Martin Luther King: "Don’t just set out to do a good job. Set out to do such a good job that the living, the dead, or the unborn couldn’t do it any better.” If you help your kids approach tasks with this mindset, nothing can stop them. A striver mindset sets a high bar and teaches kids that nothing is unattainable if they put their minds to it. It toughens kids and instills an elevated level of confidence in them.

The concept of a culture of striving was initially developed by Lew Hardy and his co-researchers, who studied the psychological makeup of the most accomplished athletes in England. They showed that “super-elite” athletes (multiple gold medalists) grew up in an environment that enabled the development of four traits that combined to create a striver mindset: (1) An expectation of achievement, where they believed they could achieve whatever they set their mind to; (2) a strong work ethic; (3) a drive to win, by developing a highly competitive environment at home; and (4) a high value on task mastery, or a desire to keep honing skills.

Yes, but we are on DCUM and needed a simple term to describe the weird, status-obsessed social climbers who think their kids’ lives are over if they don’t attend a T20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, life would be much easier if we lived in bumble town North Dakota and my kid just applied to State U or Directional State U. I am somewhat envious of that.

But we are not there.

What? Are you disgruntled because you are a 1%er with a kid who wants to go to an elite school because of name and thinks their wealth makes them entitled ? Those days were over a generation ago. Mine are at different ivies. We are top3% income ie full pay & make it work because we saved. Most there are on aid. Smart is the new rich. Me and many of my elite college peers went there highly aided in the 90s, now we make enough for our kids to be full pay. Since they are as smart or smarter than we are they got in just fine no hooks (in fact their demographic is a bit of a negative yet they still got in). There are plenty of non elite but still T75 for 1% wealth who are not in the top% of smarts/talent.

I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make, that your kids only got in because they are full pay? And you’re only 3 percent not 1 percent?

Or that they went to an an Ivy but came out with the same shit grammar that signals a poor education and unintelligent cohort?