Reply to The insanity of 1%er East Coast parents and college

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you think this is limited to the 1% you have blinkers on. [/quote]

True but the point is it’s most insane for the 1%ers. [/quote]

NO. It is easier for 1%. The degree to which it is "most insane" is entirely a dynamic they magic out of their own neuroses and has absolutely ZERO to do with actual limitations on their options.

The 1%ers who choose to go the route of massive donations or spending enormous sums on private school/test prep/college advising/etc. in order to guarantee their kids entry into one of a very narrow range of schools are just being stupid. That's it. It's a stupid game akin to the billionaires who compete over who has the biggest yacht. Only worse because in this scenario their children are the yachts and their educations are being used in a d*ck-measuring contest. Gross. But not actually that hard to opt out of. Just don't.[/quote]

We are in the top 1% or .5%. I grew up as a poor immigrant kid. I was equally focused, if not more, than my current high school student. Education was my ticket out of poverty. There was no back up plan. My rich kid can go to any school and will probably do fine.

Ambition and striving are popular to put down on DCUM. I wonder if this is what non ambitious say. I hear this in real life from adults who come from family money, but are unimpressive themselves or have unimpressive children. They call the achieving people strivers and look down on them.

I am proud of my achievements. I am proud of my children’s achievements. [/quote]

But we aren't talking about your children's achievements. We are talking about the insane efforts of 1%ers to get their kids into a small number of elite colleges by any means necessary, including (and in fact primarily), via parental effort and not student achievement.

Ambition and striving are not the same thing. Ambition is "I'm going to do as much as I can with what I have to achieve as much as possible." No one is criticizing ambition -- if your kids are ambitious I wish them well. Start companies, patent inventions, become leaders in business, law, politics, art, culture. I love ambitious people.

Striving is "I'm going to get myself or my child into XYZ elite institution because I believe that admission to these institutions will validate our family's social status as elite and better than others." I have zero respect for striving. It serves no useful purpose and people who drive themselves and their children crazy over striving are a cultural drag because their behavior divorces success from actual achievement or merit.

Best of luck to you and your kids.[/quote]

The term "striver" has been co-opted by DCUM to define it in a way that really isn't universally believed.

Below is from a 2024 Forbes article:

Most people fail to get what they want out of their careers and lives for one simple reason: they don't try hard enough or strive for what they want. They lack a striver mindset and give up easily. They have never learned to persist and strive for higher achievement.

The highest achievers in every field are strivers who overcome failures and setbacks, keep learning and improving, and have grit, discipline, and a strong work ethic. A striver mindset also harbors a positive self-belief that expects success when faced with any adversity.

Some people are born with this mindset. They are naturally more tenacious and grittier than others. But for most people, their parents instill a striver mindset, usually at an early age. Kids develop this culture of striving through observation, repetition, and practice. If you wish to raise your child to reach for excellence and shine in the face of adversity, create an environment that allows them to build a striver mindset. This is a skill that will help them throughout their lives.

What is a Striver Mindset?
A striver mindset is best described by the words of Dr. Martin Luther King: "Don’t just set out to do a good job. Set out to do such a good job that the living, the dead, or the unborn couldn’t do it any better.” If you help your kids approach tasks with this mindset, nothing can stop them. A striver mindset sets a high bar and teaches kids that nothing is unattainable if they put their minds to it. It toughens kids and instills an elevated level of confidence in them.

The concept of a culture of striving was initially developed by Lew Hardy and his co-researchers, who studied the psychological makeup of the most accomplished athletes in England. They showed that “super-elite” athletes (multiple gold medalists) grew up in an environment that enabled the development of four traits that combined to create a striver mindset: (1) An expectation of achievement, where they believed they could achieve whatever they set their mind to; (2) a strong work ethic; (3) a drive to win, by developing a highly competitive environment at home; and (4) a high value on task mastery, or a desire to keep honing skills.

[/quote]

Yes, but we are on DCUM and needed a simple term to describe the weird, status-obsessed social climbers who think their kids’ lives are over if they don’t attend a T20. [/quote]

According to OP, these parents are already very wealthy, the kids have large trust funds etc. Those are not "strivers". Strivers are UPM chasing the wealthy, or ambitious UMC. The term has been used in derogatory manner for as long as I've been on DCUM (many years) but it was always with a point that strivers are different from the old money who don't feel the need to show off, prove themselves and strive so hard. The opposite of striving is being effortless.[/quote]

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