Jewish boyfriend says I hate him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To accuse you of being antisemitic is beyond the pale, and terribly disrespectful. He needs to have the ba**s to tell you he wants to break up and end it civilly. I’m sorry.

Please put this ^ in your reply email

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. Yeah I can’t deal with whatever chip is on his shoulder and is applying it to me. Am in Japan right now so email is not suffice.

No trials and tribulations other than finding a job and things like that.

My last name is typical of Catholics from Chicago. So I must be evil!

I already ran his email past my Jewish friends from college and back home. Something is off and his father, playing bad cop, is making him choose between love and his family.

We have a lot of other things in common, just not our secular-like religious practices. No matter how I understand his is more important to him than vice versa.

-OP

There are plenty of Catholic guys in this country. Start going to mass at different places, seek them out online, maybe see if your mom or aunts know anyone.

It's pretty common for Jewish guys to waste Christian girls' time by dating them for a while and then dumping them because they aren't Jewish. Be wary of that and don't waste too much time with someone who is Jewish (meaning make sure you get engaged within 18 months or move on) or don't date them at all.

Jealous Jewish woman ^^.

No, actually, I am a WASP who has dated WASPS, Catholics, and Jewish guys, and now am married to a guy who is half Catholic and half Jewish.

You can’t be half religions. You either believe or don’t believe whatever you believe in.

[Anonymous]

Dating expats from all over is the funnest part of being in Japan! Cheers!

[Anonymous]

That’s pretty weird. I’m Jewish. Married someone non Jewish who didn’t convert (more because of weird circumstances…he went through two conversion classes but unexpected bad events happened both times before classes ended) but we raised our kid Jewish. I don’t agree with people saying not to trust Jewish people that they’re going to string you along. I mean, there are jerks in every group of people. It sounds like this guy was one of them.

Maybe has something to do with all the Middle East misery going on? I do know I’ve felt especially sensitive about antisemitism for the last year. But my husband and I are are always on the same political page. So maybe that had something to do with it? But the father comment? That’s really odd. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Jewish man. I'm a little surprised that none of the responses mentioned the impact of October 7 and Israel's response to it on romantic relationships. For some people, October 7 was just another unpleasant headline, but for some people October 7 was a defining moment.

October 7 has put major stress on some relationships. Since then, I've noticed that many people seem to react differently to me and pretty much all Jews. I sometimes feel like Jews have become the most hated ethnic group in America. I've been experiencing or observing mild antisemitism on at least a weekly and sometimes daily basis, even though I hate Netanyahu and support a two state solution. (By the way, the worst offenders are usually white progressive women, not Muslim women, who tend to be very good at having nuanced conversations about the Middle East.) I personally have felt closer to my Jewish identify since October 7 and I would not be surprised if something similar happened to OP's boyfriend. That said, I still like non-Jewish women, and I don't fault OP.

Jewish woman. I totally relate to this. Still think guy is a jerk, though. He could literally say that. This has made me rethink my feelings about marrying a non Jewish woman. At least it would be honest.

[Anonymous]

Also, my mom really hated I was dating a non Jew. Then she got used to it. I married him. Now she likes him a lot better than me. So, it’s not always true that Jewish parents won’t come around.

I know that the mom on Nobody Wants This is going to end up liking Kristen Bell!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had something similar happen when I was in my mid twenties. My Jewish boyfriend at the time, who was a few years older, was great. I thought we were in love and moving toward marriage. Then one weekend he went home to his mom in NYC and phoned me, late at night, to say he was there to talk to her about me and ask her advice. Her advice was that I sounded "very sweet", but she wanted Jewish grandchildren and that she told him eventually it WOULD matter to him that I wasn't Jewish, even if I converted. And he was very conflicted, but that was it.

I can't understand exactly what the cultural forces are at play here, but this happened to me and to several of my friends. It is what it is.

That is 1,000% total BS.

Jewish mothers and grandmothers want their sons to marry Jewish women, because according to Jewish tradition, the child's religion is passed down through the mother.

Please allow me to set the record straight, once and for all.

The reason that Jewish mother's have such a deep desire for their children to marry Jewish, is NOT because we think that Judaism is "the best" religion in the world, or because we think we're the chosen ones or we're the only faith that matters. All of that is complete nonsense (although, there will always be those who'll say that's the truth, so they have a reason to hate us). It's a very uninformed, narrow-minded point of view.

The ACTUAL reason it's important to Jewish parents, is because it's deeply tied to the trauma we still feel from the Holocaust, and the millions of Jews that perished then. There isn't a single Jewish family that's alive today, that didn't have family that was killed in the Holocaust. Whether they personally knew those family members or not, all jews feel an inherent responsibility to honor the millions of innocent lives that we lost, by ensuring the continuity and continuation of the Jewish lineage.

So, there it is.

With regards to you and your ex... when a woman converts to Judaism, she is FULLY accepted as Jewish, just as if she had been born Jewish.

Her children therefor by Jewish law, ARE Jewish. For life. Regardless of whether the mother changes her religion at a later date.

If the mother was Jewish at the time the child was born into the world, then her child will remain Jewish for their entire life (except if they convert, obviously) regardless of what their mom does with her own religion

As long as you had converted, your children would've been just as Jewish as your husband was. Every jew knows that.

So, that was a total BS excuse the gave to you (oh, and the several friends that it happened to, also).
His mom never said that.

[Anonymous]

Weird Pp post.

Lots of Jewish people say that- converts aren’t the same or as good as a bloodline Jewish mother. You inherit your Jewishess from your Jewish mothers Jewish lineage.

It’s much less controversial for a Jewish lady ti marry a non Jew than vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't like you much. The reasons don't matter. Break up.

This is the ONLY answer that OP needs to hear.

It doesn't matter the who's, what's, why's of this, that's all fluff coming from a man that's too much of a coward to break up with you, so he wants you to do it to him (and that has nothing to do with him being Jewish, he's just a mentally weak person).

HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE... break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird Pp post.

Lots of Jewish people say that- converts aren’t the same or as good as a bloodline Jewish mother. You inherit your Jewishess from your Jewish mothers Jewish lineage.

It’s much less controversial for a Jewish lady ti marry a non Jew than vice versa.

Duh, that's exactly what they said, lol.
The religion follows the mother.

"Lots of"? So, you're not Jewish, huh?
I'm conservative and can tell you that every woman who converts gets treated exactly the same as those born into the religion. Once you're in, you're in.

And it's got nothing to do with "jewishness". Such a bizarre thing to say.
Jewish mothers emphasize the importance of marrying within the faith, not just about "jewishness" or religious practice, but about the survival and resilience of Jewish identity post-Holocaust.

[Anonymous]

Honestly he sounds abusive. Trying to make you feel inherently bad about yourself because of your last name? At a bare minimum he is completely racist and a very unkind, stupid person. Why be around someone like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't like you much. The reasons don't matter. Break up.

This is the ONLY answer that OP needs to hear.

It doesn't matter the who's, what's, why's of this, that's all fluff coming from a man that's too much of a coward to break up with you, so he wants you to do it to him (and that has nothing to do with him being Jewish, he's just a mentally weak person).

HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE... break up.

Not sure what post you are reading but this one was they ar with in love and like each other but the guy is now forbidden to be with her bc she’s not Jewish.

His parents are making their 25 yo chose between her and his family and whatever else they chose to heap on.

And he can chosen. Bad form to do so on email whilst OP was on an overseas trips. Bad form to have dated a non Jew that long as well.

[Anonymous]

What are you not supportive of, the genocide in Gaza? Cut this guy and his persecution complex loose, he’s delusional or making excuses.

Anonymous wrote:Well two years, age 25, in love, lots of great memories, trips, trials and tribulations. I said I’d convert, went on a long business trip and have some of the craziest emails ever from him.

He says we are great but he can’t date a non Jew. He accuses me of not being supportive enough when he or his family suffer antisemitism. Not sure where that’s coming from, he tells some stories from once in awhile, I listen and agree. He tells me I must have “milked antisemitism from my upbringing but don’t realize it.” He said his father says my last name was nasty to Jews back in Poland.

He’s really going out with a bang and rewriting the narrative.

Is this a defense mechanism to make me give up or dislike him? Before I thought this was going to work out or be some tragic Romeo& Juliet breakup. He’s not an a-hole at all but seems to be trying that angle.

I guess it’s working because now I don’t want to raise children with the same hate and assumptions that he has about others.

[Anonymous]

Exactly this. This guy has low character.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, he sucks. He wanted to use you for sex and for fun but doesn't want to marry you, so to feel less guilty he is calling you anti-semitic. WTF.

Dont answer crazy with crazy. Calmly deny his accusations and then say obviously you cannot continue dating someone who feels this way about you. End it. And don't go back.

[Anonymous]

He sounds abusive and like he himself is racist