Jewish boyfriend says I hate him

[Anonymous]

I disagree they are so different.

He and his parents like to think that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. Yeah I can’t deal with whatever chip is on his shoulder and is applying it to me. Am in Japan right now so email is not suffice.

No trials and tribulations other than finding a job and things like that.

My last name is typical of Catholics from Chicago. So I must be evil!

I already ran his email past my Jewish friends from college and back home. Something is off and his father, playing bad cop, is making him choose between love and his family.

We have a lot of other things in common, just not our secular-like religious practices. No matter how I understand his is more important to him than vice versa.

-OP

There are plenty of Catholic guys in this country. Start going to mass at different places, seek them out online, maybe see if your mom or aunts know anyone.

It's pretty common for Jewish guys to waste Christian girls' time by dating them for a while and then dumping them because they aren't Jewish. Be wary of that and don't waste too much time with someone who is Jewish (meaning make sure you get engaged within 18 months or move on) or don't date them at all.

Over 60% of Jewish marriages since 2010 are to non-Jews, so can’t blame OP for thinking this would work, but these are unusual times and the guy sounds neurotic and immature (easily manipulated by his pushy parents). Dump him and move on. You do not want these people for in-laws in any event.

Most of the Jews I know who married non-Jews were older, some were second marriages. I think when you are talking about 25yo, you will still find lots of young Jewish men being pressured by their families to marry within the faith. The family has less power when the young man is 40; and it is not even a thing when the couple are older and not going to have any children. (For example, I know of an elderly Jewish women who was married to a Jewish man, had Jewish children, was widowed and then married a non-Jew in her senior years.)

That’s interesting. All but one of the Jew/nonJew marriages I know were Jewish men in their 20s/early 30s marrying non-Jewish women in their 20s/early 30s. Usually they met in college, grad school or first jobs. Only one was over 40 and the Jewish man divorced his Jewish wife, the mother of his two children, to marry a younger woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bummer when it goes south so badly. But eventually you find the right one and chalk it all up to learning experiences. Dont do 2 years again. If no ring/promise in 6 months time to move on. 25 is young. No need to settle.

Please don't follow this advice.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I had something similar happen when I was in my mid twenties. My Jewish boyfriend at the time, who was a few years older, was great. I thought we were in love and moving toward marriage. Then one weekend he went home to his mom in NYC and phoned me, late at night, to say he was there to talk to her about me and ask her advice. Her advice was that I sounded "very sweet", but she wanted Jewish grandchildren and that she told him eventually it WOULD matter to him that I wasn't Jewish, even if I converted. And he was very conflicted, but that was it.

I can't understand exactly what the cultural forces are at play here, but this happened to me and to several of my friends. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

A piece of advice - all men, no matter how progressive they seem, revert back to whatever their parents raised them as and become more extreme as they get older.

I've seen it happen to me and my friends over and over. The guy who is sweet at 25 becomes a stark raving mad Trump fan who screams at his wife for not being submissive enough at 40 (it happened to me).

Men eventually turn into their fathers. Sounds like your bf is well on his way. You dodged a bullet by getting out now instead of after kids.

Also, never, ever, EVER convert for a man. Don't do it. No good ever comes of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A piece of advice - all men, no matter how progressive they seem, revert back to whatever their parents raised them as and become more extreme as they get older.

I've seen it happen to me and my friends over and over. The guy who is sweet at 25 becomes a stark raving mad Trump fan who screams at his wife for not being submissive enough at 40 (it happened to me).

Men eventually turn into their fathers. Sounds like your bf is well on his way. You dodged a bullet by getting out now instead of after kids.

Also, never, ever, EVER convert for a man. Don't do it. No good ever comes of that.

+1

This happened to me too. Exactly. Also right around the time he was 40. Mine was a really sweet guy at 25 but eventually became a lot like his father. I’d advise women to take a close look at the guy’s father before marrying- would they be happy if their future DH was “just like his father” at the same age? If the answer is no- think twice.

[Anonymous]

I can only speak to what happened in my family. My Jewish dad married my non-Jewish mom, and they were married nearly 60 years before my dad passed. My Jewish grandmother loved all her non-Jewish (atheist) grandkids.

Then my sister married a Jewish man, and they've been married 44 years. She did convert for him, and they raised their 4 kids Jewish. Only 1 of them is the least bit religious, but all have a good foundation in the Jewish faith.

My brother married a Jewish woman, and they're both atheist. The entire Jewish family on his side has been nothing but loving and accepting of all of us.

Just throwing it out there that, in my family's case, all has worked beautifully. I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree they are so different.

He and his parents like to think that.

Exclusive and insular attitude. Not a good look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only speak to what happened in my family. My Jewish dad married my non-Jewish mom, and they were married nearly 60 years before my dad passed. My Jewish grandmother loved all her non-Jewish (atheist) grandkids.

Then my sister married a Jewish man, and they've been married 44 years. She did convert for him, and they raised their 4 kids Jewish. Only 1 of them is the least bit religious, but all have a good foundation in the Jewish faith.

My brother married a Jewish woman, and they're both atheist. The entire Jewish family on his side has been nothing but loving and accepting of all of us.

Just throwing it out there that, in my family's case, all has worked beautifully. I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time, OP.

I’m sorry that she found a bigot.

Anyone would’ve a difficult time with that.

Anyhow, sounds like it’s over. He went out with a bang.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A piece of advice - all men, no matter how progressive they seem, revert back to whatever their parents raised them as and become more extreme as they get older.

I've seen it happen to me and my friends over and over. The guy who is sweet at 25 becomes a stark raving mad Trump fan who screams at his wife for not being submissive enough at 40 (it happened to me).

Men eventually turn into their fathers. Sounds like your bf is well on his way. You dodged a bullet by getting out now instead of after kids.

Also, never, ever, EVER convert for a man. Don't do it. No good ever comes of that.

Because culture is stronger than politics. This isn’t specific to Jews, and I’m not sure why people are so indignant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh sweetie, you are 25. This situation will never have a happy ending. Cut him loose. This doesn’t make anyone a bad person, just different.

NP but this was so extremely condescending. I was married three years by the time I was OP’s age and just celebrated my 28th anniversary. The age of OP doesn’t have any bearing on this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A piece of advice - all men, no matter how progressive they seem, revert back to whatever their parents raised them as and become more extreme as they get older.

I've seen it happen to me and my friends over and over. The guy who is sweet at 25 becomes a stark raving mad Trump fan who screams at his wife for not being submissive enough at 40 (it happened to me).

Men eventually turn into their fathers. Sounds like your bf is well on his way. You dodged a bullet by getting out now instead of after kids.

Also, never, ever, EVER convert for a man. Don't do it. No good ever comes of that.

Because culture is stronger than politics. This isn’t specific to Jews, and I’m not sure why people are so indignant.

Not ALL men. I know FOUR interfaith couples with Jewish husbands all bar mitzvahed who married Christian women and raised their kids interfaith. Men don’t turn into their fathers any more than women turn into their mothers. People decide what to emulate in both of their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can only speak to what happened in my family. My Jewish dad married my non-Jewish mom, and they were married nearly 60 years before my dad passed. My Jewish grandmother loved all her non-Jewish (atheist) grandkids.

Then my sister married a Jewish man, and they've been married 44 years. She did convert for him, and they raised their 4 kids Jewish. Only 1 of them is the least bit religious, but all have a good foundation in the Jewish faith.

My brother married a Jewish woman, and they're both atheist. The entire Jewish family on his side has been nothing but loving and accepting of all of us.

Just throwing it out there that, in my family's case, all has worked beautifully. I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time, OP.

I’m sorry that she found a bigot.

Anyone would’ve a difficult time with that.

Anyhow, sounds like it’s over. He went out with a bang.

+1

Funny how one’s stereotyping and rejecting others by label ends up creating and reinforcing one’s own (stereotypes & labels).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your last name?

Woodcock

While that’s a hilarious last name and you should get married immediately and get rid of it, just not to him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People only get crazier as they age. So this is only get worst.
What he is doing is a form of abuse. Move on now and be thankful.

It’s not abuse.

Calling someone a racist, antisemite and Nazi just for existing as a person of a different race or religion IS abuse.