Who Is Wrong Here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

The guy who fills a kettle for eveyone's use- BEFORE IT IS EVEN NEEDED is the selfish guy? Not the woman who literally throws water away to suit ONLY HER NEEDS?

Why do you hate men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

This is a lot of words to say you think DH is an AH because he doesn’t have want to wait for cold water to boil but you don’t think OP is an AH because she doesn’t want to wait for the full kettle to boil.

Yes. The difference in boiling time bc 50% of the water has just come from the tap is negligible. It’s not a full 2 min worth of difference (sorry I don’t believe him). And he’s throwing out her tea and then accusing her of wasting water. I don’t just think he’s an AH. I think he’s nuts. And that’s not fixable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I use an electric kettle for morning beverages. Him for his French press coffee, me for tea.

He fills the kettle each night before bed under the rationale that it a.) saves a minute in the am and, b.) gets the water temp to room temp overnight, therefore decreasing the amount of time needed to bring it to a boil. I am up first and often don't want t o wait for the entire kettle to boils o I dump out half the water, boil what I need, refill the kettle and set it to boil again.

He's 'caught' me doing this enough times that it now bothers him enough to call me wasteful and inconsiderate. I refuse to apologize for dumping ~11 ounces of water down the drain in the interest of saving myself time. He is upset about this, so..... he has taken to dumping my brewed tea down the drain anytime I live it unattended.

Who ITA here?

Tell your husband to grow up.

[Anonymous]

The man who sets out enough water for both of you each evening is the problem? Goodness, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

The guy who fills a kettle for eveyone's use- BEFORE IT IS EVEN NEEDED is the selfish guy? Not the woman who literally throws water away to suit ONLY HER NEEDS?

Why do you hate men?

“literally throws water away”?? lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

This is a lot of words to say you think DH is an AH because he doesn’t have want to wait for cold water to boil but you don’t think OP is an AH because she doesn’t want to wait for the full kettle to boil.

the AH part is the DH retaliating by throwing her tea away. That’s too much escalation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

The guy who fills a kettle for eveyone's use- BEFORE IT IS EVEN NEEDED is the selfish guy? Not the woman who literally throws water away to suit ONLY HER NEEDS?

Why do you hate men?

“literally throws water away”?? lol.

Is it factually inaccurate? We'll wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

The guy who fills a kettle for eveyone's use- BEFORE IT IS EVEN NEEDED is the selfish guy? Not the woman who literally throws water away to suit ONLY HER NEEDS?

Why do you hate men?

“literally throws water away”?? lol.

Is it factually inaccurate? We'll wait.

lol keep waiting dear

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

This is a lot of words to say you think DH is an AH because he doesn’t have want to wait for cold water to boil but you don’t think OP is an AH because she doesn’t want to wait for the full kettle to boil.

the AH part is the DH retaliating by throwing her tea away. That’s too much escalation.

This, above.

People who do this seem likely to be people who could escalate further. OP has let herself dig in too much on her side of this, but the DH's response is excessive and I'd wonder if he makes a practice of trashing things when he's angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

The guy who fills a kettle for eveyone's use- BEFORE IT IS EVEN NEEDED is the selfish guy? Not the woman who literally throws water away to suit ONLY HER NEEDS?

Why do you hate men?

“literally throws water away”?? lol.

You know water scarcity is a serious environmental issue, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

The guy who fills a kettle for eveyone's use- BEFORE IT IS EVEN NEEDED is the selfish guy? Not the woman who literally throws water away to suit ONLY HER NEEDS?

Why do you hate men?

“literally throws water away”?? lol.

Is it factually inaccurate? We'll wait.

lol keep waiting dear

Oh, I will. Every minute is just more testimony that you're wrong and petty. Refusing to answer = I win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

This is a lot of words to say you think DH is an AH because he doesn’t have want to wait for cold water to boil but you don’t think OP is an AH because she doesn’t want to wait for the full kettle to boil.

Yes. The difference in boiling time bc 50% of the water has just come from the tap is negligible. It’s not a full 2 min worth of difference (sorry I don’t believe him). And he’s throwing out her tea and then accusing her of wasting water. I don’t just think he’s an AH. I think he’s nuts. And that’s not fixable.

He has to be on the spectrum to even think that any part of this saving time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

This is a lot of words to say you think DH is an AH because he doesn’t have want to wait for cold water to boil but you don’t think OP is an AH because she doesn’t want to wait for the full kettle to boil.

Yes. The difference in boiling time bc 50% of the water has just come from the tap is negligible. It’s not a full 2 min worth of difference (sorry I don’t believe him). And he’s throwing out her tea and then accusing her of wasting water. I don’t just think he’s an AH. I think he’s nuts. And that’s not fixable.

He has to be on the spectrum to even think that any part of this saving time

Yep. Not sava in ng time at all. The water is not significantly warming overnight. The whole thing is controlling and weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I use an electric kettle for morning beverages. Him for his French press coffee, me for tea.

He fills the kettle each night before bed under the rationale that it a.) saves a minute in the am and, b.) gets the water temp to room temp overnight, therefore decreasing the amount of time needed to bring it to a boil. I am up first and often don't want t o wait for the entire kettle to boils o I dump out half the water, boil what I need, refill the kettle and set it to boil again.

He's 'caught' me doing this enough times that it now bothers him enough to call me wasteful and inconsiderate. I refuse to apologize for dumping ~11 ounces of water down the drain in the interest of saving myself time. He is upset about this, so..... he has taken to dumping my brewed tea down the drain anytime I live it unattended.

Who ITA here?

Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I think I get it. OP’s DH’s stance is that she is adding two minutes to his boiling time because she is adding new (colder) water to the kettle. Without the addition of the new water, it would take less time for him to boil his water. Which says to me, he looks at this kettle and says, that’s my kettle, my water, and my space. This is how I make my morning beverage. Not, this is a kettle that we share.

She is not leaving her DH with an empty kettle. The addition of the new water is adding two minutes to his boiling time (for a total of 4 min), because he does not view the kettle as shared. Because she is using “his” kettle, he dumps her tea.

If this is the only instance of this behavior from him I’d be shocked. The “it’s wasting water” argument is classic distraction from the real issue; this guy is selfish. To be fair, I think a lot of men look at the world this way. They occupy it first, and women need to accommodate their own needs without disturbing them. When women behave otherwise, men can’t/won’t articulate it (because you have to really own being an ahole to say it out loud) but they do become irrationally angry. Think about how this would sound if he actually said it: “we have a shared kettle, and a shared stove. But I want to make my morning drink without accommodating or even remembering that you’re here. I want your morning tea to have no effect on how I make my morning drink”. And rather than just buying a separate kettle so he can have his way of it’s that important. he expects her to silently make it happen.

Good luck OP. It’s a tough way to live.

This is a lot of words to say you think DH is an AH because he doesn’t have want to wait for cold water to boil but you don’t think OP is an AH because she doesn’t want to wait for the full kettle to boil.

Yes. The difference in boiling time bc 50% of the water has just come from the tap is negligible. It’s not a full 2 min worth of difference (sorry I don’t believe him). And he’s throwing out her tea and then accusing her of wasting water. I don’t just think he’s an AH. I think he’s nuts. And that’s not fixable.

He has to be on the spectrum to even think that any part of this saving time

Yep. Not sava in ng time at all. The water is not significantly warming overnight. The whole thing is controlling and weird.

You are a fool. It's rising from 50 to 75. A 50% rise isn't significant? LOL.