Reply to Trigger warning: Feels like sexual abuse but “a doctor told her to”. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Trigger warning: Feels like sexual abuse but “a doctor told her to”. Am I wrong to feel this way?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it sounds like you're conflating things.

Your mom sounds like you don't have the best relationship and that she is unkind and did not raise you in a loving and supportive household. And you sound like you clearly have a lot of resentment towards her.

You happen to have also had this poop issue as a child. The treatment for which was very invasive and required you to be treated by someone who you didn't trust very much (your mom).

As an adult you're working through this for some reason (did you just have children of your own? I had to do a lot of therapy to unpack trauma I thought I had long dealt with after I had kids, having your own really brings all this to the surface). So you likely see a lot of vague reasons for this relationship feeling unsafe, like your lack of trust, feeling like you were neglected, feeling like you were unsupported etc. And when you wonder why you feel this way you are examining events in your childhood. One large traumatic memory is this poop issue. And it is one that seems really clear cut and puts what could potentially be a really clear cut label of 'abuse' on your mother's behavior so you're latching onto it.

Like other PPs I don't think this was abuse. This was a mother dealing with a medical issue with her kid that can be life threatening in the way the child's doctors instructed and was commonplace at the time. I believe the whole situation was traumatic for sure but I don't think this was abuse.

But just because this was not abuse does not mean that you didn't suffer emotional abuse as a child. And just because you don't have some big event that you can easily point to and feel comfortable calling abuse doesn't mean you have to excuse your mother's behavior.

Therapy really helped me sort through my childhood, which sounds in some ways not dissimilar to your relationship with your mom. [/quote]

I agree with this. Not pooping over long periods of time can be serious. If you want to read up on something read up on kids who have to wear diapers into adulthood for messing up their bowel movement functions. Or ones who have to have any number of surgeries to address the short-term and long-term consequences.

I doubt another doctor would have recommended anything different.  I agree with seeking counseling and I would be really cautious about getting too much of your thoughts on this via the Internet.  We have a family friend going through this with a young adult child who has turned virtually everything into abuse.  It’s been based on Internet advice. It’s led to constant rumination and a cycle of accusations and anger over many typical parenting things like helping preschoolers take a bath and reminders about homework completion. (I’m not exaggerating.) [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics