To my husband’s work AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

Not even if he's a politician. Nobody gives a $hit.

You should leave the other husband alone, it's not your business. Your husband is your business.

Not OP, but: The cheated-on husband needs to know. He needs to get tested for STDs (as does the OP). Who knows whether his cheating wife has slept with other men as well as the OP's DH? Basic health is one reason to tell the spouse of an AP partner about an affair.

So is fairness: He deserves to live a life where he is fully informed as he makes choices. When people have affairs, they are taking away their cheated-on spouses' agency in their own lives. Imagine finding out years later than your spouse was cheating on you while together, as a couple, you made plans for your kids together, bought a home or made other big changes, shared happy experiences on vacations together, planned your retirement together etc. All while you thought you actually WERE a couple, and the whole time, you were not; a third person was part of the relationship all along. That is part of the deep destruction cheating creates; the cheated-on spouse has lived, maybe for years or decades, believing that choices were made and memories forged and kids raised, as a team of two. When that wasn't real. The cheater can compartmentalize it as "It was just sex!" but the cheated-on spouse's day to day life is actually a lie. That's why the AP's DH should know. It will hurt him but at least he'll get back real agency over his own life and choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am solidly team OP.

What her DH did is the ultimate betrayal. They got caught. Now they pay the price.

Her DH. Everyone else is just not her problem. She should focus on fixing her own house. Or destroying it/her DH, whatever. But leave other people out of it.

The AP and DH didn’t leave other people out (OP’s family). Why op should?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep with the AP's husband.

+1
Perfect solution...I've seen in work before.

Andrew Shue and TJ Holme's ex-spouses. They look way happier than the two cheaters who are now in counseling and miserable now that it isn't an illicit affair. They both have drinking problems too, Amy and TJ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am solidly team OP.

What her DH did is the ultimate betrayal. They got caught. Now they pay the price.

Her DH. Everyone else is just not her problem. She should focus on fixing her own house. Or destroying it/her DH, whatever. But leave other people out of it.

Obviously the other couple is already in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably already knows.

OP: I doubt it based on what I can gather. Even still, I’m happy to help him confirm if he is suspicious.

What evidence do you have?

I’d appreciate it if my spouse’s AP’s spouse discreetly shared evidence with me. What I would do with that information is my business alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, focus on your own life. You come across as scary vindictive.

so?

-not op.

+1 There are some scared people responding here. If your house is in order you have nothing to fear. Why would strangers care if other strangers face consequences for their actions? That’s why one should live honestly and honorably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a better than 100% chance that this is the same OP of the “Husband and his partner” thread.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1219915.page

If OP is also the OP of this thread, damn, the AP is pregnant. After OP outs the affair, I'd want to know whose baby it is, and I'd bet the AP's husband will want to know the same thing.

I sure hope she is not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am solidly team OP.

What her DH did is the ultimate betrayal. They got caught. Now they pay the price.

Her DH. Everyone else is just not her problem. She should focus on fixing her own house. Or destroying it/her DH, whatever. But leave other people out of it.

The AP and DH didn’t leave other people out (OP’s family). Why op should?

AP messed with the whole family. Her spouse deserves to know and AP doesn't get to decide how OP responds. Shouldn’t have come into ops marriage if she cared that much about her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I’m telling AP’s husband. There really isn’t any 1950s housewife “keep it contained in your own home” bullshit that is going to make a difference here.

She slept with my husband with the full knowledge we are married. It’s on. AP, please know it’s coming.

Love it. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I applaud you for this.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should feel free to speak whatever truths are available to you.

You are getting dragged on this thread because you are being smug and excited to ruin this woman's life, happy to tell her husband, posting this gloating anonymous post and then responding aggressively to everyone who disagrees with you. To me, that is the part that speaks to YOUR character in this situation. Your husband's affair has clearly brought out the worst in your character, and you think it makes you brave.

- not an AP, so back off with your paranoid garbage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm assuming you don't have kids if you're proposing going so public it ruins his career. I've been in your shoes, but had kids so chose to keep things private and divorce quietly. I don't want to ruin his career as that has financial consequences for the family, nor does making my children choose sides. You can be a good dad and a crappy unfaithful husband.

This. OP: you don’t sound too bright.

[Anonymous]

To those sayng the OP should not tell the AP's husband:

The cheated-on husband needs to know. He needs to get tested for STDs (as does the OP). Who knows whether his cheating wife has slept with other men as well as the OP's DH? Basic health is one reason to tell the spouse of an AP partner about an affair.

So is fairness: He deserves to live a life where he is fully informed as he makes choices. When people have affairs, they are taking away their cheated-on spouses' agency in their own lives.

Imagine finding out years later than your spouse was cheating on you while together, as a couple, you made plans for your kids, bought a home or made other big changes, shared experiences on vacations, planned your retirement together etc. All while you thought you actually WERE a couple, and the whole time, you were not; a third person was part of the relationship all along, but was invisible to you.

That is part of the deep destruction cheating creates; the cheated-on spouse has lived, maybe for years or decades, believing that choices were made, memories forged, kids raised, by a team of two. When that wasn't real. The cheater can compartmentalize it as "It was just sex!" but the cheated-on spouse's day to day life is actually a lie. That's why the AP's DH should know. It will hurt him but at least he'll get back real agency over his own life and choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm assuming you don't have kids if you're proposing going so public it ruins his career. I've been in your shoes, but had kids so chose to keep things private and divorce quietly. I don't want to ruin his career as that has financial consequences for the family, nor does making my children choose sides. You can be a good dad and a crappy unfaithful husband.

OP: I have a good career myself and don’t really care if he tanks. I can support myself and any children. I talked to him about this issue multiple times— about how I felt uncomfortable with their relationship, how I wanted to strengthen our bond so I wouldn’t feel so insecure, how boundaries should be established in their working relationship— and he lied to my face every time. I have too much self respect to give a damn about him after all of that. He takes me for a fool.

Keep in mind that if his career takes, you will be paying him to child support and possibly alimony. Don’t be an idiot. Don’t try to ruin somebody’s livelihood because it’s gonna blow back and burn you harder than you could imagine. Just get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
To those sayng the OP should not tell the AP's husband:

The cheated-on husband needs to know. He needs to get tested for STDs (as does the OP). Who knows whether his cheating wife has slept with other men as well as the OP's DH? Basic health is one reason to tell the spouse of an AP partner about an affair.

So is fairness: He deserves to live a life where he is fully informed as he makes choices. When people have affairs, they are taking away their cheated-on spouses' agency in their own lives.

Imagine finding out years later than your spouse was cheating on you while together, as a couple, you made plans for your kids, bought a home or made other big changes, shared experiences on vacations, planned your retirement together etc. All while you thought you actually WERE a couple, and the whole time, you were not; a third person was part of the relationship all along, but was invisible to you.

That is part of the deep destruction cheating creates; the cheated-on spouse has lived, maybe for years or decades, believing that choices were made, memories forged, kids raised, by a team of two. When that wasn't real. The cheater can compartmentalize it as "It was just sex!" but the cheated-on spouse's day to day life is actually a lie. That's why the AP's DH should know. It will hurt him but at least he'll get back real agency over his own life and choices.

I think she should absolutely tell the husband so he can make informed decisions.

I think the excitement she has about informing him, including making this post, is gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You two work together. You should know after all these years that he’s sloppy and can be less than thorough when he’s distracted.

I found evidence of your affair from your recent work trip and dug deeper to find screenshots and other useful material. It really wasn’t even that hard. You chose to gamble your future on a fool who doesn’t cover his tracks. Like I said, after the myriad of hours you spend talking and the years you’ve worked together, you should know how he is.

I’m going to share these with your husband. I don’t know when yet. I’m sitting on it and deciding. Your home situation is delicate right now, and I know this is the last thing you need. I’m going to enjoy it. Your poor husband. He has no idea. He seems like a nice man too.

Hope it was worth it. Good luck.

lol. Ooooh you got her good! Oooh we got a bada$$ over here! Yass sister.