To my husband’s work AP

[Anonymous]

So your DH cheats and instead of divorcing him or working it out privately you go after the OW? Maybe reconsider your strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

Don't go after his livelihood. Even if you plan to divorce, he still needs to pay child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

I'm figuring you've considered this, because you sound methodical, but if this also torches things like health insurance through his work for you or for any kids you have, be ready for that. Same goes for savings for kids' college or your retirement, though I figure those finances get worked out in a divorce and custody agreement. I am NOT saying to let this go, OP! Just saying: Be prepared for his career dive to affect all aspects of family finances and coverage. (A friend's DH lost his job when they divorced; she ended up with much less robust health coverage for her and their kids, which was an issue later on when one child developed a chronic condition that has cost $$$ and always will. That's why this issue is one which occurs to me when people divorce.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

I'm figuring you've considered this, because you sound methodical, but if this also torches things like health insurance through his work for you or for any kids you have, be ready for that. Same goes for savings for kids' college or your retirement, though I figure those finances get worked out in a divorce and custody agreement. I am NOT saying to let this go, OP! Just saying: Be prepared for his career dive to affect all aspects of family finances and coverage. (A friend's DH lost his job when they divorced; she ended up with much less robust health coverage for her and their kids, which was an issue later on when one child developed a chronic condition that has cost $$$ and always will. That's why this issue is one which occurs to me when people divorce.)

She doesn't sound methodical. She sounds unhinged and erratic.

[Anonymous]

This is juicy. Please post update on how this goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What field? I’d be surprised if garden variety infidelity destroys a man’s career so don’t get your hopes up.

OP said he and the OP work together; depending on their jobs, and things like whether it's a manager-subordinate affair, then yes, it could harm him professionally. Maybe not his entire career, but it could affect him at this current job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

I'm figuring you've considered this, because you sound methodical, but if this also torches things like health insurance through his work for you or for any kids you have, be ready for that. Same goes for savings for kids' college or your retirement, though I figure those finances get worked out in a divorce and custody agreement. I am NOT saying to let this go, OP! Just saying: Be prepared for his career dive to affect all aspects of family finances and coverage. (A friend's DH lost his job when they divorced; she ended up with much less robust health coverage for her and their kids, which was an issue later on when one child developed a chronic condition that has cost $$$ and always will. That's why this issue is one which occurs to me when people divorce.)

She doesn't sound methodical. She sounds unhinged and erratic.

AP found the thread....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm assuming you don't have kids if you're proposing going so public it ruins his career. I've been in your shoes, but had kids so chose to keep things private and divorce quietly. I don't want to ruin his career as that has financial consequences for the family, nor does making my children choose sides. You can be a good dad and a crappy unfaithful husband.

OP: Ruining his career isn’t my intention. His business is set up in such a way that this will end it. The two of them are key players in a small business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

I'm figuring you've considered this, because you sound methodical, but if this also torches things like health insurance through his work for you or for any kids you have, be ready for that. Same goes for savings for kids' college or your retirement, though I figure those finances get worked out in a divorce and custody agreement. I am NOT saying to let this go, OP! Just saying: Be prepared for his career dive to affect all aspects of family finances and coverage. (A friend's DH lost his job when they divorced; she ended up with much less robust health coverage for her and their kids, which was an issue later on when one child developed a chronic condition that has cost $$$ and always will. That's why this issue is one which occurs to me when people divorce.)

She doesn't sound methodical. She sounds unhinged and erratic.

Sorry, honey. It’s coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your DH cheats and instead of divorcing him or working it out privately you go after the OW? Maybe reconsider your strategy.

NP here: This is what happens when you play with fire, sometimes things blow up. Why people expect someone who is cheated on to protect the AP’s marriage is beyond me. Don’t hate the player, hate the game, etc.

[Anonymous]

Going scorched earth always seems more enticing in theory than it is in reality. It tends to ruin everything, including for the people who wanted to go down that path in the first place. Destroying your DH’s career may be short-sighted if you or your children need his income or health insurance. Not to mention the impact it will have on your kids, if you have any. I get that you’re hurt but take a breath and give some thought about how you really need to play this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm assuming you don't have kids if you're proposing going so public it ruins his career. I've been in your shoes, but had kids so chose to keep things private and divorce quietly. I don't want to ruin his career as that has financial consequences for the family, nor does making my children choose sides. You can be a good dad and a crappy unfaithful husband.

OP: Ruining his career isn’t my intention. His business is set up in such a way that this will end it. The two of them are key players in a small business.

DP. Are you the OP of the other thread about how the DH spends all day talking with his business partner??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

OP: Oh, he will. This is going to destroy his career.

I'm figuring you've considered this, because you sound methodical, but if this also torches things like health insurance through his work for you or for any kids you have, be ready for that. Same goes for savings for kids' college or your retirement, though I figure those finances get worked out in a divorce and custody agreement. I am NOT saying to let this go, OP! Just saying: Be prepared for his career dive to affect all aspects of family finances and coverage. (A friend's DH lost his job when they divorced; she ended up with much less robust health coverage for her and their kids, which was an issue later on when one child developed a chronic condition that has cost $$$ and always will. That's why this issue is one which occurs to me when people divorce.)

She doesn't sound methodical. She sounds unhinged and erratic.

Sorry, honey. It’s coming.

What does this even mean? But thanks for confirming what I said, loony tunes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm assuming you don't have kids if you're proposing going so public it ruins his career. I've been in your shoes, but had kids so chose to keep things private and divorce quietly. I don't want to ruin his career as that has financial consequences for the family, nor does making my children choose sides. You can be a good dad and a crappy unfaithful husband.

OP: Ruining his career isn’t my intention. His business is set up in such a way that this will end it. The two of them are key players in a small business.

So you’re not ruining his career, just his business? How is that different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably already knows.

OP: I doubt it based on what I can gather. Even still, I’m happy to help him confirm if he is suspicious.

Anonymously send to HR.