To my husband’s work AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should feel free to speak whatever truths are available to you.

You are getting dragged on this thread because you are being smug and excited to ruin this woman's life, happy to tell her husband, posting this gloating anonymous post and then responding aggressively to everyone who disagrees with you. To me, that is the part that speaks to YOUR character in this situation. Your husband's affair has clearly brought out the worst in your character, and you think it makes you brave.

- not an AP, so back off with your paranoid garbage

She's venting anonymously to strangers. Probably so she doesn't vent to people in her real life. She may sound "happy" to you but she's furious and, yeah, hurting, and out for blood, all of which are normal reactions.

What she does with those reactions IRL is what matters next, but we'll never know for sure what she will do IRL.

Meanwhile she can vent here and be as mean, petty and angry as she wants with us strangers and that's a release for her. You can choose not to read it and choose not to post. Venting doesn't make her a terrible person like you insist she must be; it makes her human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be considered a moral obligation to tell. I think most people would want to know.

+1million

[Anonymous]

Team OP.

Burn them to the ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm assuming you don't have kids if you're proposing going so public it ruins his career. I've been in your shoes, but had kids so chose to keep things private and divorce quietly. I don't want to ruin his career as that has financial consequences for the family, nor does making my children choose sides. You can be a good dad and a crappy unfaithful husband.

OP: Ruining his career isn’t my intention. His business is set up in such a way that this will end it. The two of them are key players in a small business.

How does that happen? I can’t think of a business where its existence depends on two key people not having sex.

OP: I’m not really willing to fully disclose the business field or why it will cause an implosion because I think AP is on this thread. It’s one reason I started searching a little bit more diligently. There were responses to previous threads that just had a little too much information or seemed like they knew the situation a little too well.

You sound paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should feel free to speak whatever truths are available to you.

You are getting dragged on this thread because you are being smug and excited to ruin this woman's life, happy to tell her husband, posting this gloating anonymous post and then responding aggressively to everyone who disagrees with you. To me, that is the part that speaks to YOUR character in this situation. Your husband's affair has clearly brought out the worst in your character, and you think it makes you brave.

- not an AP, so back off with your paranoid garbage

She's venting anonymously to strangers. Probably so she doesn't vent to people in her real life. She may sound "happy" to you but she's furious and, yeah, hurting, and out for blood, all of which are normal reactions.

What she does with those reactions IRL is what matters next, but we'll never know for sure what she will do IRL.

Meanwhile she can vent here and be as mean, petty and angry as she wants with us strangers and that's a release for her. You can choose not to read it and choose not to post. Venting doesn't make her a terrible person like you insist she must be; it makes her human.

I can also choose to point out that her attitude is gross. Many of these reactions are, as you say, normal. Not all normal reactions are healthy. Lots of people manage to be angry and hurt without taking pride in inflicting MORE suffering. It's like the argument here is that because the husband and AP did this bad thing, OP has license to be as angry and cruel as she wants. I disagree with that across the board.

You can have a completely understandable anger/hurt reaction to being wronged deeply without being excited to inflict pain on someone else - whether it's the righteous infliction of pain y'all think is happening when she tells the husband, who may or may not want to know, or the pain she's admitted to be happy to inflict on the AP. I was taught that two wrong don't make a right. Dunno what YOU were taught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be considered a moral obligation to tell. I think most people would want to know.

+1million

I wouldn’t. But I don’t care what OP does unless the other woman has kids.

[Anonymous]

100% Team OP.

I cannot do this in my own wreck of a life because of financial considerations, but I so, so wish I was able to go full scorched earth.

My focus has never been the AP, but neither would I care if she is collateral damage. Light it up.

Solidarity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I’m telling AP’s husband. There really isn’t any 1950s housewife “keep it contained in your own home” bullshit that is going to make a difference here.

She slept with my husband with the full knowledge we are married. It’s on. AP, please know it’s coming.

Do you really care about your husband’s dick that much? Aren’t you in your 50s? You’re winding down that part of your life, and good riddance. Now you don’t have to sleep with him anymore, unless you really feel like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
To those sayng the OP should not tell the AP's husband:

The cheated-on husband needs to know. He needs to get tested for STDs (as does the OP). Who knows whether his cheating wife has slept with other men as well as the OP's DH? Basic health is one reason to tell the spouse of an AP partner about an affair.

So is fairness: He deserves to live a life where he is fully informed as he makes choices. When people have affairs, they are taking away their cheated-on spouses' agency in their own lives.

Imagine finding out years later than your spouse was cheating on you while together, as a couple, you made plans for your kids, bought a home or made other big changes, shared experiences on vacations, planned your retirement together etc. All while you thought you actually WERE a couple, and the whole time, you were not; a third person was part of the relationship all along, but was invisible to you.

That is part of the deep destruction cheating creates; the cheated-on spouse has lived, maybe for years or decades, believing that choices were made, memories forged, kids raised, by a team of two. When that wasn't real. The cheater can compartmentalize it as "It was just sex!" but the cheated-on spouse's day to day life is actually a lie. That's why the AP's DH should know. It will hurt him but at least he'll get back real agency over his own life and choices.

I mean, if you managed to do all those things—vacationing, planning retirement, buying a home, etc, while your spouse was having an affair, and it didn’t impact anything (ie, you didn’t ever know about it), then how was it all a lie? It didn’t have any effect on your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should feel free to speak whatever truths are available to you.

You are getting dragged on this thread because you are being smug and excited to ruin this woman's life, happy to tell her husband, posting this gloating anonymous post and then responding aggressively to everyone who disagrees with you. To me, that is the part that speaks to YOUR character in this situation. Your husband's affair has clearly brought out the worst in your character, and you think it makes you brave.

- not an AP, so back off with your paranoid garbage

She's venting anonymously to strangers. Probably so she doesn't vent to people in her real life. She may sound "happy" to you but she's furious and, yeah, hurting, and out for blood, all of which are normal reactions.

What she does with those reactions IRL is what matters next, but we'll never know for sure what she will do IRL.

Meanwhile she can vent here and be as mean, petty and angry as she wants with us strangers and that's a release for her. You can choose not to read it and choose not to post. Venting doesn't make her a terrible person like you insist she must be; it makes her human.

I can also choose to point out that her attitude is gross. Many of these reactions are, as you say, normal. Not all normal reactions are healthy. Lots of people manage to be angry and hurt without taking pride in inflicting MORE suffering. It's like the argument here is that because the husband and AP did this bad thing, OP has license to be as angry and cruel as she wants. I disagree with that across the board.

You can have a completely understandable anger/hurt reaction to being wronged deeply without being excited to inflict pain on someone else - whether it's the righteous infliction of pain y'all think is happening when she tells the husband, who may or may not want to know, or the pain she's admitted to be happy to inflict on the AP. I was taught that two wrong don't make a right. Dunno what YOU were taught.

+1

Just because you experienced pain doesn’t give you a license to lash out. OP wasn’t taught anything about how to behave. They clearly have no problem losing face; it’s embarrassing and ugly.

OP deal with your own life. It sounds like you have plenty there to keep you busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Actions have consequences. let her burn. Make sure you burn your husband also though.

+1 million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I’m telling AP’s husband. There really isn’t any 1950s housewife “keep it contained in your own home” bullshit that is going to make a difference here.

She slept with my husband with the full knowledge we are married. It’s on. AP, please know it’s coming.

Do you really care about your husband’s dick that much? Aren’t you in your 50s? You’re winding down that part of your life, and good riddance. Now you don’t have to sleep with him anymore, unless you really feel like it.

If she wrote the other thread, she I believe wanted to have a good sex life but said it dried up. She seems to suggest her husband was less interested. Which seems unusual given the ages, that she’d have a stronger libido than he at 50+….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should feel free to speak whatever truths are available to you.

You are getting dragged on this thread because you are being smug and excited to ruin this woman's life, happy to tell her husband, posting this gloating anonymous post and then responding aggressively to everyone who disagrees with you. To me, that is the part that speaks to YOUR character in this situation. Your husband's affair has clearly brought out the worst in your character, and you think it makes you brave.

- not an AP, so back off with your paranoid garbage

She's venting anonymously to strangers. Probably so she doesn't vent to people in her real life. She may sound "happy" to you but she's furious and, yeah, hurting, and out for blood, all of which are normal reactions.

What she does with those reactions IRL is what matters next, but we'll never know for sure what she will do IRL.

Meanwhile she can vent here and be as mean, petty and angry as she wants with us strangers and that's a release for her. You can choose not to read it and choose not to post. Venting doesn't make her a terrible person like you insist she must be; it makes her human.

I can also choose to point out that her attitude is gross. Many of these reactions are, as you say, normal. Not all normal reactions are healthy. Lots of people manage to be angry and hurt without taking pride in inflicting MORE suffering. It's like the argument here is that because the husband and AP did this bad thing, OP has license to be as angry and cruel as she wants. I disagree with that across the board.

You can have a completely understandable anger/hurt reaction to being wronged deeply without being excited to inflict pain on someone else - whether it's the righteous infliction of pain y'all think is happening when she tells the husband, who may or may not want to know, or the pain she's admitted to be happy to inflict on the AP. I was taught that two wrong don't make a right. Dunno what YOU were taught.

To The PP, She owes zero to the AP and has every single right to tell APs partner. You reap what you sow. YOU need to Stop telling women to be silent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should feel free to speak whatever truths are available to you.

You are getting dragged on this thread because you are being smug and excited to ruin this woman's life, happy to tell her husband, posting this gloating anonymous post and then responding aggressively to everyone who disagrees with you. To me, that is the part that speaks to YOUR character in this situation. Your husband's affair has clearly brought out the worst in your character, and you think it makes you brave.

- not an AP, so back off with your paranoid garbage

She's venting anonymously to strangers. Probably so she doesn't vent to people in her real life. She may sound "happy" to you but she's furious and, yeah, hurting, and out for blood, all of which are normal reactions.

What she does with those reactions IRL is what matters next, but we'll never know for sure what she will do IRL.

Meanwhile she can vent here and be as mean, petty and angry as she wants with us strangers and that's a release for her. You can choose not to read it and choose not to post. Venting doesn't make her a terrible person like you insist she must be; it makes her human.

I can also choose to point out that her attitude is gross. Many of these reactions are, as you say, normal. Not all normal reactions are healthy. Lots of people manage to be angry and hurt without taking pride in inflicting MORE suffering. It's like the argument here is that because the husband and AP did this bad thing, OP has license to be as angry and cruel as she wants. I disagree with that across the board.

You can have a completely understandable anger/hurt reaction to being wronged deeply without being excited to inflict pain on someone else - whether it's the righteous infliction of pain y'all think is happening when she tells the husband, who may or may not want to know, or the pain she's admitted to be happy to inflict on the AP. I was taught that two wrong don't make a right. Dunno what YOU were taught.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He probably already knows.

OP: I doubt it based on what I can gather. Even still, I’m happy to help him confirm if he is suspicious.

Why don't you focus on you and your marriage? Your husband made the choice to cheat on you - that is your business.

+1