Are boys supposed to pay for everything?

[Anonymous]

I’ve always paid (I’m female). I’ve ended up with some real freeloaders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hasn't that always been the norm?

No there is no reason why GF can not pay for things as well.

Only until you are an established couple, even for people who believe guys should pay. Once you are a couple, both contribute as they are able. At least, that’s how it was through my serially monogamous 20’s and 30’s in the 90s through early 2010s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hasn't that always been the norm?

No there is no reason why GF can not pay for things as well.

+1. Guys pay only until you are an established couple, even for people who believe guys should pay. Once you are a couple, both contribute as they are able. At least, that’s how it was through my serially monogamous 20’s and 30’s in the 90s through early 2010s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated from 20-33 and paid every date unless GF taking me out birthday.

Some girls were just dates. I can’t imagine a girl on third date buying new outfit, getting nails done we go to dinner and have sex and while dropping her off I request her to pay for her food.

Equally me saying to a girl I am thinking of marrying I know once married it is all joint money anyhow but just to hedge my bets if I dump you can you pay for dinner.

When girls did offer to split bill first or second date was clear signal this is over, no kiss no good night I am running out of here.

Now when girls did pay I still offered to pay.

And I can’t imagine a multi couple date where you split bills and you force your date to be only girl splitting bills.

Also how does a man go big or go home on a split bill?

I took my wife on our first date to a very fancy expensive oceanfront restaurant at sunset in my Mercedes convertible. After fact she said she was a bit surprised by move she told me later but she bought new clothes had nails done and we went.

So am I supposed to then ask her to pay half. For what purpose.

Dropped her off, quick kiss did not ask to go inside. Make it clear the meal is just me showing intentions.

How does a man do that by saying let’s meet Starbucks we each pay first date.

Also what quality girls do that?

Men go on less dates and when you get the winner open the wallet.

Women losers looking for a cheap lap wavy you to split the bill at Burger King

ChatGPT is your friend when you can barely write in the English language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sort of out of touch maybe, but I feel when you're dating in college or in your twenties you split the expenses, may not always. DS 21 in college says he has to pay every time taking GF out also in college, for everything. They both do service jobs and internships. He says that's how it is and if you don't then you're considered a bad guy, says all his friends do too. What's the norm these days.

If a traditional marriage is the aim, in a modern equal marriage, you split equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always paid (I’m female). I’ve ended up with some real freeloaders.

This^. Don't get taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

If the goal is a marriage and a family, the guy should pay and pick the dates. If the goal is a "partnership" instead, they should split all costs from the beginning.

One of these is more likely to lead to more grandchildren. Choose accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always paid (I’m female). I’ve ended up with some real freeloaders.

This^. Don't get taken advantage of.

No matter what your or your date's gender is, two adults need to split the cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the goal is a marriage and a family, the guy should pay and pick the dates. If the goal is a "partnership" instead, they should split all costs from the beginning.

One of these is more likely to lead to more grandchildren. Choose accordingly.

A equal marriage and a happy family need a fair balance, its not about keeping scores, one can bring more money and do less chores, other can bring less money but do more childcare, one can add more to shared retirement savings and other can handle social life and account management.

[Anonymous]

Equality doesn't mean dollar to dollar after marriage as women bear pregnancy, child birth and breastfeeding where men can't match their burden but they can be good caregiver and supporter.

[Anonymous]

In dating however, ethically both need to pay equally as there is no legal, religious or ethical responsibility on anyone. Dates aren't female escorts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In dating however, ethically both need to pay equally as there is no legal, religious or ethical responsibility on anyone. Dates aren't female escorts.

The sexes are inherently unequal in many ways. Each offers something different to the other. Much of the current problems for those dating stem from the ridiculous idea that each needs to be "equal" in all facets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the goal is a marriage and a family, the guy should pay and pick the dates. If the goal is a "partnership" instead, they should split all costs from the beginning.

One of these is more likely to lead to more grandchildren. Choose accordingly.

I doubt the GF wants the guy to pick all the dates...just pay for them. No college-educated couple behaves this way, even if the guy is paying for everything.

However...you do bring up maybe a good way for this guy to give his freeloading GF a kick in the a**. Tell her that he will pay for everything, but he picks all the dates. He can tell her that she either accepts sports bars, top golf...the occasional strip club (great wings)...chipotle, etc. are where all the dates happen, or perhaps she can pick some dates and pay too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the goal is a marriage and a family, the guy should pay and pick the dates. If the goal is a "partnership" instead, they should split all costs from the beginning.

One of these is more likely to lead to more grandchildren. Choose accordingly.

I doubt the GF wants the guy to pick all the dates...just pay for them. No college-educated couple behaves this way, even if the guy is paying for everything.

However...you do bring up maybe a good way for this guy to give his freeloading GF a kick in the a**. Tell her that he will pay for everything, but he picks all the dates. He can tell her that she either accepts sports bars, top golf...the occasional strip club (great wings)...chipotle, etc. are where all the dates happen, or perhaps she can pick some dates and pay too.

A guy who takes charge and leads is well received by women, especially modern women. He doesn't even need to tell her what they're doing. Saying he'll pick her up at X time is generally sufficient, provided a normal wardrobe will suffice.

The "college-educated" description misses the fundamental truth. Reminds me how "college-educated" women have certain progressive political beliefs they drop the second they find a conservative man of sufficient value. Women talk a good game about wanting "empowerment," but the second the guy makes enough money they stay at home and assume the traditional role. You especially see this with Harvard Business School grads.

Feminism is a collection of politics designed to get women to behave in unfeminine ways. The fact people still cite that stuff as anything other than unnatural after so many decades is hilarious. We've come a long way from the abuse in the West that understandably drove women to organize in places like Wyoming. People should not use the term feminism as if it means the same thing across decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sort of out of touch maybe, but I feel when you're dating in college or in your twenties you split the expenses, may not always. DS 21 in college says he has to pay every time taking GF out also in college, for everything. They both do service jobs and internships. He says that's how it is and if you don't then you're considered a bad guy, says all his friends do too. What's the norm these days.

This isn't your business. If your son is a boy dating maybe he is too young. Let him figure it out