Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
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Anonymous
The happiest, healthiest, wealthiest families are strongly bonded and mutually supportive. |
Anonymous
The meet/meat market is a market, no matter how we dress it up. |
Anonymous
| Unless he wants a tradwife or gold digger, there is no reason to pay for 100%. |
Anonymous
Is this a girlfriend or a prostitute |
Anonymous
| Maybe only at the beginning if he has asked her out. But after a few dates a college age or older young woman should offer to split the bill. My husband and I both had good jobs and just about the same income when we met and I’d often pay or split the bill. It seemed fair to me. |
Anonymous
| Male here - not to be crude but if I was in my early 20s and the girl expected me to pay for everything she’d better be awesome in bed to make up for her cheapness. Needless to say, it would likely not be a long term relationship. |
Anonymous
| So hypothetically a good looking girl with low ethics can eat out every day for free. |
Anonymous
| No matter you've boys or girls, teach them to share with friends and boyfriends, not be moochers. |
Anonymous
| *friends, dates, girlfriends, boyfriends |
Anonymous
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There are no hard and fast rules about this anymore. Some girls expect it and others expect to go 50:50. It’s up for him to negotiate what he wants to do and who he is compatible with.
Generally speaking, agree with those who say the most common arrangement is whomever asks out first (usually the guy) pays and once you are in a relationship you split or alternate paying. |
Anonymous
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When I was in high school in the 1990’s boys always paid for dates. In college they paid most of the time.
I definitely hope things are changing because I have sons and college is expensive enough without funding 100% of dates! |
Anonymous
In the 1960s. And not at all in a college dorm. Assuming OP’s scenario— etiquette wise, I would tell my daughter to pull out her credit card and be prepared to split on a first date. And then going forward. Or if the boy offered to buy dinner, to pay for the movie or whatever. And by the second date to say “I’m not comfortable having you pay each time. How about we split (or take turns, or whatever).” But DD has some spending money, can earn more and will come out of college without debt. She can afford her half of reasonable entertainment. I would tell my son to strongly consider whether a girl who assumes he will always pay for the whole date after the first couple and never offers is worth worth a 4th date. But beyond the who pays for what, my big message would be that you must learn to communicate about money to have a successful relationship. How they divvy things up once it gets to the regular dating phase should entail a discussion and take into account the finances and preferences of both parties. I started dating DH when he was working in tech and I was a law student and I tried to pay for the second date (mid to late 1990s) and his response was— I know your finances are tight. And I can afford this. Please let me pay while you are in law school. After you graduate, we can reassess. Who knows, maybe you’ll be working at a big firm and rich enough then to keep me in the style to which I’d like to be accustomed. But I hope not, because you’d be working so much I’d never see you (which a grin, so I knew he was kidding, sort of). Until then, I’m not comfortable with a student paying when I have a good job. I would enjoy our dates a lot less, knowing they put you in a tough place financially. And they would have. I was basically living at the poverty level at that point. To me, that was a great answer. He saw me as a person who valued independence, he took my concerns seriously, he took a lot of pressure off me, and made it easy for me to accept him paying without it feeling demeaning or like I owed him something, and he saw a future for me where we were equals— or I could out earn him. That one conversation told me a lot about him and how he viewed me and would treat me going forward. We got married a week after I took the Bar (became a Fed, have never out-earned him, but the wage gap right now is pretty small, and becomes non-existent or tilted in my favor with the pension and health insurance). 25 years this summer. Never once had a serious regret. It’s an important discussion to have. If for no other reason than because a marriage where you can’t communicate/ the parties aren’t on the same page about important things like money is going to go South, pretty soon after the Honeymoon. OP— if your kid is dating someone and they are both of equal, early 20s shaky financial footing, this is a discussion they should have. He (you?) have legit concerns here. If she blows off his concerns, that’s a problem. Now, maybe she has something going on financially you don’t know about, like helping to support an ill family member or tons of student loans. So I would not push a specific outcome. But, the conversation is important. |
Anonymous
| It’s not the norm anymore but I’ve taught my son to pay when he’s on a date. |
Anonymous
| Wow. This is not the norm according to my DD. She says a first date may have the guy paying more often than not (but most girls are happy to split the check). And by the time they are in an actual relationship, it is usually split or taking turns unless there is a serious imbalance (like someone is working and someone is still on school). |
Anonymous
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I dated a rich beautiful girl for two years. Much richer than me. Her family had a multimillion dollar home.
I paid all the dates. Her explanation was if we married it is all our money anyhow. I cheated on her she dumped me. Smart girl. |