I commited a micro aggression against my manager, now what?

[Anonymous]

Boss is miseducated and accidentally became a minor bully. She is microagressing you prosopagnosia.
Only good thing you can do is move on with life as if it never happened, and eventually forget about it. Be the better person

Reflecting on it further, including reading this thread, who only make healing harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

It sounds like you're just trying to be edgy here. I hope you don't discount the well-documented concept that people struggle with cross-race identification. Look up the cross-race effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

It sounds like you're just trying to be edgy here. I hope you don't discount the well-documented concept that people struggle with cross-race identification. Look up the cross-race effect.

If it’s normal to struggle with cross race identification, why is it considered a microaggression?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

It sounds like you're just trying to be edgy here. I hope you don't discount the well-documented concept that people struggle with cross-race identification. Look up the cross-race effect.

If it’s normal to struggle with cross race identification, why is it considered a microaggression?

It's common, which exactly is how a microaggression is defined:

Microaggression is a term used for commonplace verbal, behavioral or environmental slights, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups.

[Anonymous]

Can't wait for the victim olympics this summer. OP's boss has a head start!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

Wait!! I almost forgot, they are also both white. So am I a homophobe or a racist?!

Well you're a little hysterical so start with that. The OP's manager didn't call her "a racist" lol. Honestly just saying "a racist" is a good way to get labeled as someone to avoid. And the OP didn't mix up emails once, she did it several times.

You don’t have to use the word “racist” for the implication to be there.

But still would like to get clarification if I mix up my gay, male, middle aged, Cheyenne-based, white colleagues multiple times, does that demonstrate multiple instances of homophobia, racism, sexism, locationism… what kind of awful am I? Still waiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

It sounds like you're just trying to be edgy here. I hope you don't discount the well-documented concept that people struggle with cross-race identification. Look up the cross-race effect.

You can call me edgy and hysterical all you want. You’re still not able to address the very real point that you can’t definitively diagnose whether a person has committed a micro aggression or not in these scenarios. There are too many characteristics that are shared across us that it could be one, two, or none of them that the OP is mixing up. Also, being in a hurry while also ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

It sounds like you're just trying to be edgy here. I hope you don't discount the well-documented concept that people struggle with cross-race identification. Look up the cross-race effect.

If it’s normal to struggle with cross race identification, why is it considered a microaggression?

It's common, which exactly is how a microaggression is defined:

Microaggression is a term used for commonplace verbal, behavioral or environmental slights, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups.

That definition basically encompasses anything anyone does. How stupid.

[Anonymous]

The problem I have with the faulting of OP here is that I fail to see how you can inadvertently engage in micro-aggression. The manager seems to have stopped just short of the line by saying that the email "came across as" a micro-aggression but doesn't aggression require some level of intent? I'm not saying that we shouldn't be careful to be aware of our own unconscious biases but there is a meaningful difference between having a bias and engaging in a micro-aggression. One is negligent and the other is intentional. I find it strange that the manager didn't give the benefit of the doubt. Parents call their kids by the wrong names all the time, and mix up male and female. I've done it with my colleagues. It happens when you categorize people together, which can be a racial thing but also can be simply that they belong to a benign category (bosses, kids, etc.). I find it a little odd that OP's manager decided to imply the mistaken was a small but intentional racial slight, rather than just letting it be the mistake it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

It sounds like you're just trying to be edgy here. I hope you don't discount the well-documented concept that people struggle with cross-race identification. Look up the cross-race effect.

If it’s normal to struggle with cross race identification, why is it considered a microaggression?

It's common, which exactly is how a microaggression is defined:

Microaggression is a term used for commonplace verbal, behavioral or environmental slights, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups.

That definition basically encompasses anything anyone does. How stupid.

You should look up examples of micro aggressions. Common one is “you speak English well” to a naturalized citizen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

It sounds like you're just trying to be edgy here. I hope you don't discount the well-documented concept that people struggle with cross-race identification. Look up the cross-race effect.

If it’s normal to struggle with cross race identification, why is it considered a microaggression?

It's common, which exactly is how a microaggression is defined:

Microaggression is a term used for commonplace verbal, behavioral or environmental slights, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups.

How does a common struggle with cross race identification equal “hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

It sounds like you're just trying to be edgy here. I hope you don't discount the well-documented concept that people struggle with cross-race identification. Look up the cross-race effect.

If it’s normal to struggle with cross race identification, why is it considered a microaggression?

It's common, which exactly is how a microaggression is defined:

Microaggression is a term used for commonplace verbal, behavioral or environmental slights, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups.

That definition basically encompasses anything anyone does. How stupid.

You should look up examples of micro aggressions. Common one is “you speak English well” to a naturalized citizen.

Naturalized non-Native speaker here. How exactly is that an aggression? I do speak English well. Am I supposed to be offended by this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem I have with the faulting of OP here is that I fail to see how you can inadvertently engage in micro-aggression. The manager seems to have stopped just short of the line by saying that the email "came across as" a micro-aggression but doesn't aggression require some level of intent? I'm not saying that we shouldn't be careful to be aware of our own unconscious biases but there is a meaningful difference between having a bias and engaging in a micro-aggression. One is negligent and the other is intentional. I find it strange that the manager didn't give the benefit of the doubt. Parents call their kids by the wrong names all the time, and mix up male and female. I've done it with my colleagues. It happens when you categorize people together, which can be a racial thing but also can be simply that they belong to a benign category (bosses, kids, etc.). I find it a little odd that OP's manager decided to imply the mistaken was a small but intentional racial slight, rather than just letting it be the mistake it was.

All of this is spot on. The manager got upset because we’ve gone overboard with trying to right past faults. And believe me, I know there were and still are many, serious faults with the way minorities have and are treated. But when we begin assuming that someone is biased because they mixed up names and emails, we’re diluting the great and needed work to increase pay equality, end harassment, provide upward career mobility, etc.

[Anonymous]

TBH, I would get a workplace accommodation filed with HR for your ADHD so they can't use these incidents as part of a future case in the off chance they want to railroad you out of the agency or the division.

Do you sit in a cubicle? Lots of distractions at work? If so, a reasonable accommodation would be a private office or being situated in a quieter space. If you can tie these mistakes happening when situated in a distracting work environment, even better for you.

https://www.reddit.com/r/fednews/comments/1bjd3fh/reasonable_accommodation_for_adhd/

[Anonymous]

In your outlook contacts label them as #1 and #2 if they look the same and have the same names, we did that our Indian company for multiple people with the same first name including the CEO who we name a1