I commited a micro aggression against my manager, now what?

[Anonymous]

Adding that emailing information to the wrong party presents a lot of risks both in terms of your professional reputation as well as privacy and cyber security. Even if you don't consider the racial dimension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does race have to do with it?

Slow down and be more mindful. Your list sounds like a good plan. If you aren't actively treating the ADHD then do that.

Don't over apologize.

Says the ignorant white person who doesn’t understand microaggression.

I’m SO sick of this. I used to be the staunchest liberal you could imagine and fully made every attempt to bring awareness to issues related to diversity and inclusion. But this example of mixing up an email name and having to flog yourself for being such a racist is just…. Enough. Quit looking for reasons to be upset about things, folks.

Literally no one is telling OP to flog herself. Even the people she got mixed up didnt' seem all that upset. Literally you have seen no one "flogging" her. Calm down.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are overwhelmed by your job. Are you happy with your position? Maybe you are sabotaging subconsciously. Could be time to reevaluate and apply somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a microaggression. The word is code for made up drama and people looking to be offended.

Agreed. One manifestation of DEI run amok and individuals from a certain race being criticized and demeaned for having the audacity to exist in the world.

You wouldn't last a day as anyone other than yourself. Accept that and stop projecting your nonsense.

[Anonymous]

It is not clear to me this is about race. Even if it is, that would be subconscious and unintentional.

You sound very conscientious and quick to blame yourself.

Just try not to do too much, but don’t beat yourself up.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Wow, this really blew up. I’m going to try to let this die down after this but thought I’d respond generally to a few things.

I treat (ie medicate, meet with a doctor regularly and meditate and exercise) my ADHD to the best of my abilities. I don’t spend my executive functioning energy on editing my posts here, so sorry for that.

While I don’t tend to be overly anxious generally, I did find it EXTREMELY anxiety provoking that this happened with my manager and that I offended a woman (likely multiple women) I deeply respect. I actually find the idea that some of you could have a conversation like this with your manager and not find it stressful very foreign to how my reactions and emotions work. I also find the bar being perfection to be stressful.

Next, I understand the poster who noted I seem more concerned about my experience than harm done to others and understand that perspective. I’m not really sure what I can do to mitigate harm to others at this point.

In terms of whether my job is overwhelming, generally no, and whether I like it, generally yes. But sometimes (including two of these circumstances) things come up that make it harder. For instance, in one case I had to take over leading a project through an important phase, with a few quick deadlines, when the project lead was out sick unexpectedly for two weeks.

Finally, my manager and I talked today and it was a big relief not to be anticipating the conversation. It generally went well with honest feedback / discussion (both praise and advice) about work and she offered some really helpful suggestions to a few things I brought up. It reaffirmed for me that, despite my recent concerns, I’m glad she kept me as one of the people she manages.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read the comments. Definitely let them know about adhd! You don’t want to have some silly accusations on file! ADHD trumps their hypersensitivity! Checkmate

[Anonymous]

Race has nothing to do with this.

[Anonymous]

Sorry Op I’m on a new job now and like 4 white women are about the same age and all have the same hair color. I’m doomed. Hair is how I tell people apart because I can barely see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

Wait!! I almost forgot, they are also both white. So am I a homophobe or a racist?!

[Anonymous]

People send emails to the wrong person all the time. I was ccing myself and managed to type in my own email address wrong!

Also, I think it is a matter of slowing down. If you worked for someone along time it is a habit to type in the name. There’s also the auto populating that, if you are not slowing down and truly looking, lets you just click on any name.

This is really not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Sending emails to the wrong people is a really bad look and I agree with the manager that it's especially bad if you repeatedly mix up two black women. But she brought it up, you communicated that you care about the potential for racial context and apologized, and it's done.

I'm a cisgendered white woman and I don't understand why so many white people get so up in arms about this. If you f&^ up, you're going to get feedback. It's okay to just own it, apologize and move on. We're all working on unconscious bias all the time, so it's not some huge offensive to be called out for it if you mess up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

+1. If someone told me that sending an email to the wrong person was a micro-aggression, I’d quietly take note that they were insane and limit future contact.

+2. Two members on my team are both gay, with several other shared characteristics of being men, middle aged, same role, some geolocation. If I mixed up their names or emails does that make me a biased homophobe?

Please, enlighten me.

Wait!! I almost forgot, they are also both white. So am I a homophobe or a racist?!

Well you're a little hysterical so start with that. The OP's manager didn't call her "a racist" lol. Honestly just saying "a racist" is a good way to get labeled as someone to avoid. And the OP didn't mix up emails once, she did it several times.