I commited a micro aggression against my manager, now what?

[Anonymous]

My black male boss has sent me (white woman) a half dozen emails in the last few weeks calling me by the name of the also white woman who was in my position previously.

It’s a brain fart, not a micro aggression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just need to find ways to be more careful and pay attention to detail. You already did what you needed to do - apologize and explain; so now move on. Aside from the racial aspect (which is real, despite how most of DCUM will deny), you just need to make less mistakes.

Agreed. Slow down.

I would make yourself a little checklist. You can put it on a post-it note and stick it to your computer. EVERY TIME you send an email, check: a.) spelling and punctuation; b.) are ALL NAMES correct; c.) is it concise and clear?

[Anonymous]

Does boss A and boss B have similar names? As in autocomplete have anything to do with this. If not computer, could it be autocomplete in your head just automatically going to your old boss the way people can take until April to get the correct year on checks? Or are you (OP) saying you really do know that you are intentionally confusing people based on race?

[Anonymous]

If you were fired or passed over for a promotion because of this, you could hire a lawyer and have a field day with the case. I’m frankly really irritated that D&I has to go this far these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does boss A and boss B have similar names? As in autocomplete have anything to do with this. If not computer, could it be autocomplete in your head just automatically going to your old boss the way people can take until April to get the correct year on checks? Or are you (OP) saying you really do know that you are intentionally confusing people based on race?

Op here. They don’t have similar names. I absolutely know who each is (and their partner / children’s names, favorite hobbies etc) …like they don’t look at all alike to me and I call them by the correct name when I see either of them. But for some reason made this repeated email mistake. I have had the experience before (including with white men and women) where I have trouble telling apart two people who look alike (let’s say two tall men with beards) if I’ve only met them a few times and then I just will try to avoid names until I’m confident. That’s not the situation here.

[Anonymous]

Op, start sending random mix up emails to everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My black male boss has sent me (white woman) a half dozen emails in the last few weeks calling me by the name of the also white woman who was in my position previously.

It’s a brain fart, not a micro aggression.

Emily! Emily! (devil wears prada)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does race have to do with it?

Slow down and be more mindful. Your list sounds like a good plan. If you aren't actively treating the ADHD then do that.

Don't over apologize.

Says the ignorant white person who doesn’t understand microaggression.

[Anonymous]

"Slow is Smooth Smooth is Fast"

Slow down, especially when you are in a hurry. Mistakes are costly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does race have to do with it?

Slow down and be more mindful. Your list sounds like a good plan. If you aren't actively treating the ADHD then do that.

Don't over apologize.

Says the ignorant white person who doesn’t understand microaggression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were fired or passed over for a promotion because of this, you could hire a lawyer and have a field day with the case. I’m frankly really irritated that D&I has to go this far these days.

I know. People wanting to be called their actual names! Lunacy. Sit down, Jane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does race have to do with it?

Slow down and be more mindful. Your list sounds like a good plan. If you aren't actively treating the ADHD then do that.

Don't over apologize.

Says the ignorant white person who doesn’t understand microaggression.

I’m SO sick of this. I used to be the staunchest liberal you could imagine and fully made every attempt to bring awareness to issues related to diversity and inclusion. But this example of mixing up an email name and having to flog yourself for being such a racist is just…. Enough. Quit looking for reasons to be upset about things, folks.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Years ago I was one of two women in my early 20s at a small nonprofit. A man asked me a question about something that happened to the other woman (let’s say “is your mom out of the hospital”?) and I said “actually, that was Larla’s mom, but I think she’s doing well.” He said “no, I remember you telling me X, Y, Z” and I said “again, that was actually Larla.” A few months later I made a pitch for a raise and / or consideration for a different role and the president told me “you can’t be in X role because that role requires someone who can be one of the guys. I’ve found women do well in your role.” I quit. I get that the situations are different, but I also think getting names and details wrong can add up and create a bad culture. I have no idea how often my manager deals with people calling her the wrong name in her life generally and at work particularly, but I think it’s reasonable to not want to deal with that at all at work and I appreciate her flagging it for me even if I now feel a bit unsure how to proceed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does race have to do with it?

Slow down and be more mindful. Your list sounds like a good plan. If you aren't actively treating the ADHD then do that.

Don't over apologize.

Says the ignorant white person who doesn’t understand microaggression.

So is OP saying she mixed up the women because they are black? Educate me, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does race have to do with it?

Slow down and be more mindful. Your list sounds like a good plan. If you aren't actively treating the ADHD then do that.

Don't over apologize.

Says the ignorant white person who doesn’t understand microaggression.

By the way, I am white. I am also visibly physically disabled. I use a walker and clearly struggle to move my legs. The off hand "could be offensive" comments happen daily.