I commited a micro aggression against my manager, now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does race have to do with it?

Slow down and be more mindful. Your list sounds like a good plan. If you aren't actively treating the ADHD then do that.

Don't over apologize.

Says the ignorant white person who doesn’t understand microaggression.

So is OP saying she mixed up the women because they are black? Educate me, please.

Op here. Yes, the concern is that I confused the women because of their race. Whether or not that is why I confused them, that is how it felt / came across to my manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does race have to do with it?

Slow down and be more mindful. Your list sounds like a good plan. If you aren't actively treating the ADHD then do that.

Don't over apologize.

Says the ignorant white person who doesn’t understand microaggression.

Neither do you, apparently. This is not a microaggression, it's mistake by a person with adhd.

Good Lord.

[Anonymous]

This thread is dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does race have to do with it?

Slow down and be more mindful. Your list sounds like a good plan. If you aren't actively treating the ADHD then do that.

Don't over apologize.

Says the ignorant white person who doesn’t understand microaggression.

So is OP saying she mixed up the women because they are black? Educate me, please.

Op here. Yes, the concern is that I confused the women because of their race. Whether or not that is why I confused them, that is how it felt / came across to my manager.

I don't think you did this based on race but your manager thinks you did. I think it's BS, but every training will tell you it's about how the other person *feels*, so unfortunately, if you try to defend yourself, they'll just think worse of you (which is wrong and sucks). Just move on and be more careful.

Frankly, I think this microaggression stuff is BS. Basically people assuming the worst of other people when often they do not mean what you are getting all offended about. Half the examples they give in the trainings are not microaggressions, they are straight out aggressions. It's just muddying the waters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were fired or passed over for a promotion because of this, you could hire a lawyer and have a field day with the case. I’m frankly really irritated that D&I has to go this far these days.

I know. People wanting to be called their actual names! Lunacy. Sit down, Jane.

This was a mistake. She calls them their names in person. You sit down, pot-stirrer.

[Anonymous]

There is no such thing as a microaggression. The word is code for made up drama and people looking to be offended.

[Anonymous]

The manager sounds like a bad mentor and leader. After working with OP for a long time to the point where they know one another, she chalks OP’s mistakes up to microaggression instead of trying to find out why OP’s performance is now sliding.

[Anonymous]

I think it's funny how the rest of the culture has mostly moved on from this variety of cringe identity politics but it still rules over the federal workforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Years ago I was one of two women in my early 20s at a small nonprofit. A man asked me a question about something that happened to the other woman (let’s say “is your mom out of the hospital”?) and I said “actually, that was Larla’s mom, but I think she’s doing well.” He said “no, I remember you telling me X, Y, Z” and I said “again, that was actually Larla.” A few months later I made a pitch for a raise and / or consideration for a different role and the president told me “you can’t be in X role because that role requires someone who can be one of the guys. I’ve found women do well in your role.” I quit. I get that the situations are different, but I also think getting names and details wrong can add up and create a bad culture. I have no idea how often my manager deals with people calling her the wrong name in her life generally and at work particularly, but I think it’s reasonable to not want to deal with that at all at work and I appreciate her flagging it for me even if I now feel a bit unsure how to proceed.

OP, i want to say this kindly because I think it will help you, but you use too many words. You need to slow down and edit yourself in all of your written communication. Slow down, re-read everything you write, correct mistakes, take out any redundancies, and add correct punctuation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does race have to do with it?

Slow down and be more mindful. Your list sounds like a good plan. If you aren't actively treating the ADHD then do that.

Don't over apologize.

Says the ignorant white person who doesn’t understand microaggression.

So is OP saying she mixed up the women because they are black? Educate me, please.

Op here. Yes, the concern is that I confused the women because of their race. Whether or not that is why I confused them, that is how it felt / came across to my manager.

Yes, don’t let reality get in the way of being offended.

[Anonymous]

I think the manager was giving her a heads up that her mix up of emails of the two Black women COULD be seen as a microaggression and that she needs to make an effort not to have it happen again. This could be a career limiting move and the manager I'd letting her know that mistakes can be misinterpreted and t's time to stop making them. OP needs to be more careful with executive functioning skills, not keep worrying about it and searching her soul for subconscious reasons. Ruminating on it is also not doing anything. The manager told her what to do and she needs to do it.

I had a colleague who used to make excuses for what people saw as her direct report's rude behavior. She felt that it was not her intention and excused it. That got old after a while. You can make mistakes a couple of times but then you have to change the behavior. People judge you on your actions.

[Anonymous]

“Microagression”=micro-problem.

Go find somebody begging for money and buy them lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how it's a "microaggression." Is the insinuation that to you, all black people look the same or something? Because THAT insinuation would be a bit more than a "microaggression."

It's a mistake. Shit happens. Move on. Worry less. You're right to slow down and be more careful. But I think you're focused on the wrong things here.

+1

Especially since most of your work is in Teams. It’s not like you mistook them in the hallway. You convoluted names in an email. Happens all the time. I sent the wrong James Smith an email to a different James Smith in my company 3 times. Both are white men. Was that a microaggression? Nope, it was an accident and mild oversight. Did I get berated or called out? Nope, I got an email saying “I think this was intended for the other James Smith”. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

I’d worry less about microagressions and more about how you keep writing in the wrong email addresses. Do you know these people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a microaggression. The word is code for made up drama and people looking to be offended.

Agreed. One manifestation of DEI run amok and individuals from a certain race being criticized and demeaned for having the audacity to exist in the world.