I commited a micro aggression against my manager, now what?

[Anonymous]

You have ADHD and you like efficiency, slow down. The why doesn't matter, as you've been told. It's the impact. If you can't explain it away by a fat-finger and you are emailing Sally Jones instead of Gertie Thomas, that's on you. Stop doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you are a fed, get a note from the psychologist or doctor about your disability with names. These managers know the ropes and will try to milk out some type of discrimination lawsuit against the government, so protect yourself.

How can a manager face unlawful discrimination from a subordinate?

You sound like racist garbage. Go crawl back into your hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy, yeah, as a fellow ADHD person this sounds like ADHD + being stretched to me.

Do you think there is an actual racial component to this? It sounds, from your description, that the racial stuff is incidental - and it's more a matter of there happens to be two Black women leading projects you're working on, and two white men who are lawyers at the agency.

I also have trouble with details/mixing stuff up that I would never regularly mix up when I am going through a bad ADHD spell.

It sounds to me like you are taking exactly the right approach - building in levels of fact-checking for yourself. Just be sure every time you send an email that you're triple checking it's the right person you're sending it to.

And also try to breathe. Talk to your therapist if you can. You didn't commit a crime, the person who talked to you still wants to work with you, people make mistakes, you are not a bad person - or a racist (I don't think). You made some easy to make mistakes that did not lead to anything catastrophic or, you're aware, you're making efforts not to repeat those mistakes. You're human!

Op here. I think eveyone has biases and that people can do things that are racist (or that show their bias) without being a racist person. Our training (which I actually used to be involved in) prompts us to ask “what if” in these situations. So, while I certainly don’t want to be / intend to be / think of myself as racist, I also think it’s possible there’s a race element here and that I have an unconscious bias. I truly don’t know if my brain is grouping people by “same team / same role” or race / age or something else. An area where I’m really struggling too is that one of my highest performing areas typically is really getting to know people as individuals and then leveraging those strengths. For years I’ve received comments about how well I get to know and help to motivate my team members. I’ve even won awards along those lines. So it’s really hard to feel like I’m not performing well in an area where I’m typically strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy, yeah, as a fellow ADHD person this sounds like ADHD + being stretched to me.

Do you think there is an actual racial component to this? It sounds, from your description, that the racial stuff is incidental - and it's more a matter of there happens to be two Black women leading projects you're working on, and two white men who are lawyers at the agency.

I also have trouble with details/mixing stuff up that I would never regularly mix up when I am going through a bad ADHD spell.

It sounds to me like you are taking exactly the right approach - building in levels of fact-checking for yourself. Just be sure every time you send an email that you're triple checking it's the right person you're sending it to.

And also try to breathe. Talk to your therapist if you can. You didn't commit a crime, the person who talked to you still wants to work with you, people make mistakes, you are not a bad person - or a racist (I don't think). You made some easy to make mistakes that did not lead to anything catastrophic or, you're aware, you're making efforts not to repeat those mistakes. You're human!

Op here. I think eveyone has biases and that people can do things that are racist (or that show their bias) without being a racist person. Our training (which I actually used to be involved in) prompts us to ask “what if” in these situations. So, while I certainly don’t want to be / intend to be / think of myself as racist, I also think it’s possible there’s a race element here and that I have an unconscious bias. I truly don’t know if my brain is grouping people by “same team / same role” or race / age or something else. An area where I’m really struggling too is that one of my highest performing areas typically is really getting to know people as individuals and then leveraging those strengths. For years I’ve received comments about how well I get to know and help to motivate my team members. I’ve even won awards along those lines. So it’s really hard to feel like I’m not performing well in an area where I’m typically strong.

This crazy woman totally overreacted. You should have never apologized because you did nothing wrong. Report her to HR.

[Anonymous]

It’s ok OP. Just put on your hairshirt, kneel on some rice, and give yourself 50 lashes all while apologizing for being white. You got this.

[Anonymous]

If not for the third black woman, I'd think you confuse A and B because they are/were both your managers and you email A out of habit.

I have ADHD as well, I think with the level of distress you felt, you won't make this mistake again.

[Anonymous]

Wow, talk about an overreaction. That’s not a micro aggression but I guess people want to be offended about something. I think you just need to slow way down. Every time you send out an email double check the name.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a bigger problem that you're long-winded and can't get to the point than you switched two people's names a couple of times. Just double-check names before sending emails. I always put the email address in absolutely last prior to hitting send.

[Anonymous]

TLDR. From the length of the post, you're probably nuts or insufferable. Or a troll.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't sound like a microagression to me unless it's something like "good seeing you today in the hallway!" and mistaking one woman for another because they "look" similar.

If you're just sending to one boss instead of another, especially if their names are remotely similar or the functions are similar, it's just a blip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy, yeah, as a fellow ADHD person this sounds like ADHD + being stretched to me.

Do you think there is an actual racial component to this? It sounds, from your description, that the racial stuff is incidental - and it's more a matter of there happens to be two Black women leading projects you're working on, and two white men who are lawyers at the agency.

I also have trouble with details/mixing stuff up that I would never regularly mix up when I am going through a bad ADHD spell.

It sounds to me like you are taking exactly the right approach - building in levels of fact-checking for yourself. Just be sure every time you send an email that you're triple checking it's the right person you're sending it to.

And also try to breathe. Talk to your therapist if you can. You didn't commit a crime, the person who talked to you still wants to work with you, people make mistakes, you are not a bad person - or a racist (I don't think). You made some easy to make mistakes that did not lead to anything catastrophic or, you're aware, you're making efforts not to repeat those mistakes. You're human!

Op here. I think eveyone has biases and that people can do things that are racist (or that show their bias) without being a racist person. Our training (which I actually used to be involved in) prompts us to ask “what if” in these situations. So, while I certainly don’t want to be / intend to be / think of myself as racist, I also think it’s possible there’s a race element here and that I have an unconscious bias. I truly don’t know if my brain is grouping people by “same team / same role” or race / age or something else. An area where I’m really struggling too is that one of my highest performing areas typically is really getting to know people as individuals and then leveraging those strengths. For years I’ve received comments about how well I get to know and help to motivate my team members. I’ve even won awards along those lines. So it’s really hard to feel like I’m not performing well in an area where I’m typically strong.

This crazy woman totally overreacted. You should have never apologized because you did nothing wrong. Report her to HR.

How did she overreact? There was no punishment, no consequences. Just 'hey don't do it again, someone else might think badly of you.'

And it's true - she is making mistakes. "Nothing wrong" ?? She's emailing the wrong person! Pay attention!

[Anonymous]

I never fill in the “To:” line of an email until the very last thing, to be deliberately sure I am sending the right email to the right person.

[Anonymous]

If As name is auto populating in Outlook, hit the X to delete it.

[Anonymous]

I am ADHD and I write the To: line last. I also double check who I have addressed the email to and compare to the To line once I enter it.

And yes...past mistakes are why I do this triple check!

I also know better than to fire off a reactive or quick response email. Those never go well for me!

[Anonymous]

Relax. Stop examining yourself for hidden racial animus. Be more mindful and careful about everything. People have given you good tips about managing email and double checking before sending. Use reminders of all kinds to help you remember details in order to manage your ADHD. I set a meeting on my Outlook calendar for things like reminding me to wrap up the day and 30 minutes later to go home so that it pops up and tells me. I use also for all deadlines. I use post-it notes to remind me of things too. Check email to? could be a post-it note on the side of your computer screen