Friend bringing kids and dogs on our girls weekend trip

[Anonymous]

No no no no, none of this.
I would not be ok with this. I like the idea of telling her something like ‘doesn’t sound like the timing will work out if you have your kids. Here’s your portion back, let’s plan for another week/end when you can get away’
No to bringing her kids
No to bringing a dog
No to sharing a bed
No to ruining your trip!
Realistically the person changing the plans should be responsible for the cost, but it doesn’t sound like she would be able to afford it, so at least you’d be doing her a favor. She probably shouldn’t be spending hundreds/thousands on a weekend away if she’s that broke anyways.

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you decide to do?

[Anonymous]

Wait a sec. This is memorial day weekend - like a month a half away? Any chance with that much time she might be able to swing alternate child care? Is ex in the picture? Maybe they could swap weekends? Send the kids to friends houses and put dog in kennel?

Seems like there is still time to come up with alternatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Treat her like you would a sister- that's probably how she thinks of you. She probably really needs this trip, but if you do too and the kids and dog will significantly take away from it, cancel.

We have a annual girls trip and my 47 year old friend had surprise baby. She was breastfeeding and said she wouldn't come. We insisted she bring him and worked around that. She was so grateful to be able to sleep late and rest.

Was is just you and this friend or were there other women that could spend time with while she was sleeping or taking care of the baby?

Did you have to share a bed with her while she was up at night with the newborn?

This is nowhere near the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ahhh this is hard. I feel sorry for your single friend of course, but if I were in her situation I wouldn’t just say “I have to bring my kids and dog now” I would say “I’m so sorry, I know this changes the trip. We could still come and I can share a room with my kids or I can back out, what do you think is best for you?”

But the fact that she changed and told you instead of asking you tells me a lot of how the trip will go.

I would say that you need a kid free weekend and you can either buy her out of the rental or she could buy YOU out of the rental, but no I wouldn’t go with her kids and dog. I love kids (I’m a teacher) and I still don’t want to vacation with someone else’s kids when I wasn’t planning to.

+1

+1

A true friend would work with to figure out a compromise that is acceptable to both of you. They would not state their plans and expect you to just completely change your plans to accommodate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the kids are 6 and 10 and they are very rambunctious. She also will need to pull the kids out of school for a day since we have the rental Thursday through Mon.

I’d love to go solo and that might be what I will need to do since I already have the money. If I cede it to her, getting her to pay my cost + the pet fee will probably send her over the edge. I also worry about this because it is all on my cc and what if any damage occurs? It’s on me.

I’ve known her since we were in 6th grade. We are mid 40s now.

Ugh, I hate awkward money situations.

She's an old friend. A single mom. She doesn't have a lot of money. I'd go and just shrug it off - stuff happens, it's not a big deal in the scheme of things. Maybe offer to watch the kids one afternoon while she gets a massage. It is disappointing, but again, perspective.

+1 extend some grace. It’s tough being a single mother.

[Anonymous]

Did you try reaching out to the Airbnb host and seeing if you could switch weekends? Maybe if you're willing to take a non- holiday weekend they would be willing to find someone new and let you come later. You might be paying peak rates for non peak times but at least you don't lose any money.

[Anonymous]

OP, what kind of dog does your friend have?

It sounds like her kids are too young to walk it by themselves, so that means either she’ll leave those kids with you while she walks the dog 2-3x per day, or maybe she expects you to help with that task as well.

The kids and dog would be too much for me, not a relaxing holiday getaway anymore. I’d tell her to stay home, pay her back her half, and then just take the trip solo.

Her feelings might get hurt, but so are yours! Don’t let her being a single mom make you feel guilty for having boundaries and looking out for your own mental health.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever traveled with the his friend before?

[Anonymous]

I would be a good friend and say “why don’t you enjoy the house with your kids. We can find another time that works better for the two of us to get away. Don’t worry about reimbursing me for my share. Have fun.”

[Anonymous]

Cancel!you will not have a good time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the kids are 6 and 10 and they are very rambunctious. She also will need to pull the kids out of school for a day since we have the rental Thursday through Mon.

I’d love to go solo and that might be what I will need to do since I already have the money. If I cede it to her, getting her to pay my cost + the pet fee will probably send her over the edge. I also worry about this because it is all on my cc and what if any damage occurs? It’s on me.

I’ve known her since we were in 6th grade. We are mid 40s now.

Ugh, I hate awkward money situations.

She's an old friend. A single mom. She doesn't have a lot of money. I'd go and just shrug it off - stuff happens, it's not a big deal in the scheme of things. Maybe offer to watch the kids one afternoon while she gets a massage. It is disappointing, but again, perspective.

+1 extend some grace. It’s tough being a single mother.

That’s not grace.

[Anonymous]

I would ask her to pay for the whole thing and she can go with the kids. I would not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ahhh this is hard. I feel sorry for your single friend of course, but if I were in her situation I wouldn’t just say “I have to bring my kids and dog now” I would say “I’m so sorry, I know this changes the trip. We could still come and I can share a room with my kids or I can back out, what do you think is best for you?”

But the fact that she changed and told you instead of asking you tells me a lot of how the trip will go.

I would say that you need a kid free weekend and you can either buy her out of the rental or she could buy YOU out of the rental, but no I wouldn’t go with her kids and dog. I love kids (I’m a teacher) and I still don’t want to vacation with someone else’s kids when I wasn’t planning to.

+1

+1

A true friend would work with to figure out a compromise that is acceptable to both of you. They would not state their plans and expect you to just completely change your plans to accommodate them.

This. I bet it was her plan all along. Is she always a taker?

[Anonymous]

Who asks a single mom who can barely afford this vacation?