Friend bringing kids and dogs on our girls weekend trip

[Anonymous]

How much was the rental?

[Anonymous]

It’s a beach trip though right? Can you make it very clear to her that you need peace and quiet and that was the purpose, and then like, slip out early in the mornings to grab coffee by yourself, hit the beach alone in the afternoons and just kind of be on your own schedule, tell her you’ll all reconvene for dinner etc?

Also assuming the beach is dog friendly? If not, what, she’s going to leave it in the house alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the kids are 6 and 10 and they are very rambunctious. She also will need to pull the kids out of school for a day since we have the rental Thursday through Mon.

I’d love to go solo and that might be what I will need to do since I already have the money. If I cede it to her, getting her to pay my cost + the pet fee will probably send her over the edge. I also worry about this because it is all on my cc and what if any damage occurs? It’s on me.

I’ve known her since we were in 6th grade. We are mid 40s now.

Ugh, I hate awkward money situations.

She's an old friend. A single mom. She doesn't have a lot of money. I'd go and just shrug it off - stuff happens, it's not a big deal in the scheme of things. Maybe offer to watch the kids one afternoon while she gets a massage. It is disappointing, but again, perspective.

[Anonymous]

1. I don't quite understand why everyone is mad at OP's friend. She's single, and struggling to find low cost babysitting. Have some sympathy. The poster who postulated the friend had been lying all along is really out of line!

2. The trip is still weeks away. Can her babysitting situation change? Is there someone else whom she trusts who can watch the kids?

3. If this is the first time she's changed plans with you, I would give her some grace. Personally, I would go and try to enjoy it anyway. Definitely have her pay the pet fee, explain you wanted peace and quiet so you'll still need your own room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to preserve the friendship and finances are a stretch for her, options would seem to be:
1. Kids and dog come, they all share a room, you get your room, she covers pet fee. You do your best to let go of the original trip you planned and, as a friend to an overtaxed single mom, help her have a nice weekend.
2. If you’re feeling generous, you could give the kids a room and share a room but I don’t think that’s necessary (and sounds like she probably could afford the split $ you propose in that scenario)
3. You go alone (nice thing to do is absorb her cost if you can, but understandable if you can’t)
4. You invite someone else to come with you

Yes, it totally sucks. Understandable that you are upset. Sounds like she has few options though and all you can really control is your attitude about what to do now. You’ll have a better time is you can come to peace with the outcome, whatever it is, before you go.

I say option 1, let her bring the kids but ask her to find a way to leave the dog at home. To me the pet is the last straw.

[Anonymous]

I remember going on a girls trip with a friend and her two kids. They were around those ages as well. Granted the trip was planned like this from the start, so it wasn’t a surprise and we did have a bigger place that accommodated us, and no dog.

I think it’s totally fair op, if you cancel and refund your friend and either enjoy on your own or see if someone else joins you.

If you decide to go ahead with it, then just enjoy yourself on your own non-kid schedule. And no need to share room, you paid half so you get a full room. You’re on your own, so really don’t need to be joined at the hip with your friend and her kids schedule.

[Anonymous]

Ick. No kids. Figure it out! I'd never share a room and the dog is on a case by case basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A long time friend and I have a beach rental reserved for 4 days over Memorial Day weekend. We planned this a few months back and I’ve been looking forward to it. She is a single mom - this rental price was a stretch for her but she really wanted this getaway and agreed to it. She has already paid me for her half. It is non refundable.

I get a text today and she says she has no sitter for the kids that weekend and will be bringing them along. Plus this sitter who backed out would’ve been watching the dog and now the dog has to come with too.

This is a smaller beach house but it will sleep 4. There are two bedrooms with two double beds and the house accepts pets but with a $150 fee (I think she will gasp at that price) Only one bathroom.

This changes everything about this trip. What was a girls getaway is now a family trip. We would’ve had our own rooms and now I will be sharing a double bed with her.

I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t text her back yet. Do we split this 4 ways now? I don’t even want to go anymore, I’m so mad.

Ugh. No. The word no is a complete sentence. Use your words and set a limit. Boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A long time friend and I have a beach rental reserved for 4 days over Memorial Day weekend. We planned this a few months back and I’ve been looking forward to it. She is a single mom - this rental price was a stretch for her but she really wanted this getaway and agreed to it. She has already paid me for her half. It is non refundable.

I get a text today and she says she has no sitter for the kids that weekend and will be bringing them along. Plus this sitter who backed out would’ve been watching the dog and now the dog has to come with too.

This is a smaller beach house but it will sleep 4. There are two bedrooms with two double beds and the house accepts pets but with a $150 fee (I think she will gasp at that price) Only one bathroom.

This changes everything about this trip. What was a girls getaway is now a family trip. We would’ve had our own rooms and now I will be sharing a double bed with her.

I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t text her back yet. Do we split this 4 ways now? I don’t even want to go anymore, I’m so mad.

Rude and inconsiderate “friend.” She didn’t communicate with you about this? Just told you her plans? Not ok.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell her there's a $150 pet deposit and it's a bummer for her that she'll have to share a bedroom with her kids.

Maybe this isn't the right trip for her, and she should bow out. You can get a different friend to come and pay her back for her share.

[Anonymous]

Offer her back her 1/2, & say you can plan another trip. And then go by yourself.

If she insists she wants to go, & to pay the pet fee, I’d go. But you have 1 room, she has the other, & kids are on air mattresses somewhere between her room or the living room. I’m 40+ yrs old, I’m not sharing a bed with a friend!

If she still wants to do it, I would, because she clearly needs a vacation & you guys will have fun. Will be a little crazy, but you can laugh about it later.

[Anonymous]

I would cancel on her but go alone. I’d say something like “I’m sorry the sitter canceled! I’m going to cancel the Airbnb and refund you your portion. Let’s plan another time when you can really relax and enjoy yourself.” Then just immediately send the money via Venmo before she can push back. Obviously she doesn’t have to know the Airbnb isn’t refundable; you eat her half and just go by yourself or with another friend. I say as someone with 2 kids and a pet, I would never go on a weekend trip with someone else’s 2 kids and pet.

[Anonymous]

Refund her portion and go alone, or find someone else to go with you. I wouldn’t go with her unless she was a dear, close, best friend.

[Anonymous]

Ahhh this is hard. I feel sorry for your single friend of course, but if I were in her situation I wouldn’t just say “I have to bring my kids and dog now” I would say “I’m so sorry, I know this changes the trip. We could still come and I can share a room with my kids or I can back out, what do you think is best for you?”

But the fact that she changed and told you instead of asking you tells me a lot of how the trip will go.

I would say that you need a kid free weekend and you can either buy her out of the rental or she could buy YOU out of the rental, but no I wouldn’t go with her kids and dog. I love kids (I’m a teacher) and I still don’t want to vacation with someone else’s kids when I wasn’t planning to.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t want to go either unless I was bringing my kid and it was a kid centric trip.
I would tell her that you really wanted a kid free weekend and that you are happy to reschedule. Then either go alone or find another friend to go with.
The dog wouldn’t bother me, I’m probably the person who would bring a dog lol.