Friend bringing kids and dogs on our girls weekend trip

[Anonymous]

Okay, so I would ask her to find an alternative for the dog. Depending on where it is, dogs won’t even be allowed on the beach by Memorial Day, so this dog is going to be cooped up in the house. Memorial Day is 6 weeks away, she has enough time to post on some neighborhood Facebook pages for dog coverage.

Since she has to arrange dog coverage, maybe you offer to pay for a babysitter one night at the beach. That way you and she can go out and really enjoy a semblance of “girls weekend”. Being a single mom on a budget is really tough and it sounds like she’s trying to juggle a lot. Give her a little grace, but also, set a few boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A long time friend and I have a beach rental reserved for 4 days over Memorial Day weekend. We planned this a few months back and I’ve been looking forward to it. She is a single mom - this rental price was a stretch for her but she really wanted this getaway and agreed to it. She has already paid me for her half. It is non refundable.

I get a text today and she says she has no sitter for the kids that weekend and will be bringing them along. Plus this sitter who backed out would’ve been watching the dog and now the dog has to come with too.

This is a smaller beach house but it will sleep 4. There are two bedrooms with two double beds and the house accepts pets but with a $150 fee (I think she will gasp at that price) Only one bathroom.

This changes everything about this trip. What was a girls getaway is now a family trip. We would’ve had our own rooms and now I will be sharing a double bed with her.

I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t text her back yet. Do we split this 4 ways now? I don’t even want to go anymore, I’m so mad.

This is not something that should be communicated or negotiated over text. She should’ve have said that her babysitting plans fell through and that she’d like to talk by phone. But she didn’t. Now it’s up to you to take this offline. Text her back:

This is a big change that we should talk over. What are some good times when you’re able to speak without distractions so that we can figure this out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Is this now the usual relationship between old, close friends? These posts make me so sad. The normal response should be something like... "oh no, i'm so sorry you're stuck with bringing the kids and dog. don't worry, we can still have lots of fun. i'll bring a few more bottles of wine and grab some of the good tequila at liquor store. do you have any air mattresses? if not, i can bring mine. the kids can sleep in the living room. have your kids ever played taco/goat/cheese/pizza? i'll bring a set!"

Yes, it is frustrating and disappointing. But you should make the best of it in support of your good, close friend. Because that is what good, close friends do for one another.

Why should OP pay for something that was not the plan? That’s a totally different weekend and tequila cannot salvage that situation. And the friend was just rude presenting this as a fait accompli rather than a request to discuss. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ahhh this is hard. I feel sorry for your single friend of course, but if I were in her situation I wouldn’t just say “I have to bring my kids and dog now” I would say “I’m so sorry, I know this changes the trip. We could still come and I can share a room with my kids or I can back out, what do you think is best for you?”

But the fact that she changed and told you instead of asking you tells me a lot of how the trip will go.

I would say that you need a kid free weekend and you can either buy her out of the rental or she could buy YOU out of the rental, but no I wouldn’t go with her kids and dog. I love kids (I’m a teacher) and I still don’t want to vacation with someone else’s kids when I wasn’t planning to.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A long time friend and I have a beach rental reserved for 4 days over Memorial Day weekend. We planned this a few months back and I’ve been looking forward to it. She is a single mom - this rental price was a stretch for her but she really wanted this getaway and agreed to it. She has already paid me for her half. It is non refundable.

I get a text today and she says she has no sitter for the kids that weekend and will be bringing them along. Plus this sitter who backed out would’ve been watching the dog and now the dog has to come with too.

This is a smaller beach house but it will sleep 4. There are two bedrooms with two double beds and the house accepts pets but with a $150 fee (I think she will gasp at that price) Only one bathroom.

This changes everything about this trip. What was a girls getaway is now a family trip. We would’ve had our own rooms and now I will be sharing a double bed with her.

I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t text her back yet. Do we split this 4 ways now? I don’t even want to go anymore, I’m so mad.

This is not something that should be communicated or negotiated over text. She should’ve have said that her babysitting plans fell through and that she’d like to talk by phone. But she didn’t. Now it’s up to you to take this offline. Text her back:

This is a big change that we should talk over. What are some good times when you’re able to speak without distractions so that we can figure this out?

"Speak without distractions" who are you people? She has 2 kids and a dog. Just call her yourself or ask her to call you. Guaranteed a dog will be barking in the background and kids asking for stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, take your kids along, too!

Can you read? It’s a two-bedroom house. That means it’s not very big.

We can tell OP doesn't have kids or none of this would have been a surprise. So she either sucks it up and goes or finds someone else and cancels on her "friend."

I go on girls trips at least once or twice a year, and none of my friends have ever pulled this crap. And yes I do have friends who are single parents. If someone ever has child care fall through, they bow out of the trip, they don’t try to make it everyone else’s problem. Yes, life happens. Stuff happens. But no, it’s not only single people who expect that if for some reason your child care falls through, that’s tough for you but the solution is not bring your kids and dogs on the trip. What a non-starter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A long time friend and I have a beach rental reserved for 4 days over Memorial Day weekend. We planned this a few months back and I’ve been looking forward to it. She is a single mom - this rental price was a stretch for her but she really wanted this getaway and agreed to it. She has already paid me for her half. It is non refundable.

I get a text today and she says she has no sitter for the kids that weekend and will be bringing them along. Plus this sitter who backed out would’ve been watching the dog and now the dog has to come with too.

This is a smaller beach house but it will sleep 4. There are two bedrooms with two double beds and the house accepts pets but with a $150 fee (I think she will gasp at that price) Only one bathroom.

This changes everything about this trip. What was a girls getaway is now a family trip. We would’ve had our own rooms and now I will be sharing a double bed with her.

I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t text her back yet. Do we split this 4 ways now? I don’t even want to go anymore, I’m so mad.

This is not something that should be communicated or negotiated over text. She should’ve have said that her babysitting plans fell through and that she’d like to talk by phone. But she didn’t. Now it’s up to you to take this offline. Text her back:

This is a big change that we should talk over. What are some good times when you’re able to speak without distractions so that we can figure this out?

Text gave op chance to think it through and feel pressured for on the spot reaction.

The text outlay the friend’s situation pretty clearly and what her idea is for dealing with it.

Your response is good, but by time op gets to that call, she needs to have a clear plan what she’s willing and not willing to do or any other suggestions she has for her friend - whatever that is.

Messaging “plans fell through” let’s talk, is not clear what friend’s idea is. Does it mean she’s just backing out, does she want bring the kids and board the dog, bring all.

The text is clearer and gives op time to think through before reacting.

[Anonymous]

I would respond and say it sounds like the timing isn't ideal and you're rescheduling.

[Anonymous]

… and not feel pressured to give on the spot reaction…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A long time friend and I have a beach rental reserved for 4 days over Memorial Day weekend. We planned this a few months back and I’ve been looking forward to it. She is a single mom - this rental price was a stretch for her but she really wanted this getaway and agreed to it. She has already paid me for her half. It is non refundable.

I get a text today and she says she has no sitter for the kids that weekend and will be bringing them along. Plus this sitter who backed out would’ve been watching the dog and now the dog has to come with too.

This is a smaller beach house but it will sleep 4. There are two bedrooms with two double beds and the house accepts pets but with a $150 fee (I think she will gasp at that price) Only one bathroom.

This changes everything about this trip. What was a girls getaway is now a family trip. We would’ve had our own rooms and now I will be sharing a double bed with her.

I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t text her back yet. Do we split this 4 ways now? I don’t even want to go anymore, I’m so mad.

This is not something that should be communicated or negotiated over text. She should’ve have said that her babysitting plans fell through and that she’d like to talk by phone. But she didn’t. Now it’s up to you to take this offline. Text her back:

This is a big change that we should talk over. What are some good times when you’re able to speak without distractions so that we can figure this out?

"Speak without distractions" who are you people? She has 2 kids and a dog. Just call her yourself or ask her to call you. Guaranteed a dog will be barking in the background and kids asking for stuff.

So the friend doesn’t work—doesn’t drive there or have a moment without the kids? They’re not in school and never go to sleep? This is why OP is asking the friend to name some times. It will go better for everyone if the friend is able to speak without kids and dogs interrupting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, take your kids along, too!

Can you read? It’s a two-bedroom house. That means it’s not very big.

We can tell OP doesn't have kids or none of this would have been a surprise. So she either sucks it up and goes or finds someone else and cancels on her "friend."

I go on girls trips at least once or twice a year, and none of my friends have ever pulled this crap. And yes I do have friends who are single parents. If someone ever has child care fall through, they bow out of the trip, they don’t try to make it everyone else’s problem. Yes, life happens. Stuff happens. But no, it’s not only single people who expect that if for some reason your child care falls through, that’s tough for you but the solution is not bring your kids and dogs on the trip. What a non-starter.

I wouldn't have scheduled the trip the weekend my single friend had their kids. That would have been the first question before planning because it's so obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A long time friend and I have a beach rental reserved for 4 days over Memorial Day weekend. We planned this a few months back and I’ve been looking forward to it. She is a single mom - this rental price was a stretch for her but she really wanted this getaway and agreed to it. She has already paid me for her half. It is non refundable.

I get a text today and she says she has no sitter for the kids that weekend and will be bringing them along. Plus this sitter who backed out would’ve been watching the dog and now the dog has to come with too.

This is a smaller beach house but it will sleep 4. There are two bedrooms with two double beds and the house accepts pets but with a $150 fee (I think she will gasp at that price) Only one bathroom.

This changes everything about this trip. What was a girls getaway is now a family trip. We would’ve had our own rooms and now I will be sharing a double bed with her.

I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t text her back yet. Do we split this 4 ways now? I don’t even want to go anymore, I’m so mad.

This is not something that should be communicated or negotiated over text. She should’ve have said that her babysitting plans fell through and that she’d like to talk by phone. But she didn’t. Now it’s up to you to take this offline. Text her back:

This is a big change that we should talk over. What are some good times when you’re able to speak without distractions so that we can figure this out?

"Speak without distractions" who are you people? She has 2 kids and a dog. Just call her yourself or ask her to call you. Guaranteed a dog will be barking in the background and kids asking for stuff.

So the friend doesn’t work—doesn’t drive there or have a moment without the kids? They’re not in school and never go to sleep? This is why OP is asking the friend to name some times. It will go better for everyone if the friend is able to speak without kids and dogs interrupting.

This isn't that serious that the person needs to find a distraction free environment to have a phone conversation. Give me a break. Maybe if OP was dying of cancer it would warrant this level of attention.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that she’s trying to pull out but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that she’s trying to pull out but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings?

My guess is she doesn't care that much about OP or this "girls trip" and is looking for a subsidized beach trip with her kids that she otherwise couldn't afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that she’s trying to pull out but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings?

My guess is she doesn't care that much about OP or this "girls trip" and is looking for a subsidized beach trip with her kids that she otherwise couldn't afford.

This is such a mean, sad attitude. Can't we think the best of people? These are close friends.