Crash a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

Umm...if my spouse is invited to a wedding and I am not, then my spouse is not going. Sure my spouse can do things by themselves, and does many things with friends. But attending weddings alone is not one of those things. If you invite one member of a couple, you invite both or NONE.

Your spouse doesn't need your permission to go to his sister's wedding. He's not on a leash.

My spouse obviously doesn't need my permission. My spouse would simply RSVP No to an invitation like that and not go. We've been married 30+ years, this is not a "guys weekend trip".

You don't know your spouse would skip his sister's "wedding". Have you been in this situation?

Nope, but I am 100% certain my spouse would put me first should they be put in that situation.

Sad that for a small ceremony you would put yourself first and not encourage your husband to go. Why are you so insecure? Why not just be happy for your SIL?

I actually do not have to worry about that. Been invited to all of my spouses siblings weddings. The family is family focused and get along so I cannot imagine a sibling not inviting their SIL/BIL to the wedding. Then again, I get along with all of my SIL/BILs so it's not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

That doesn't mean what you are pretending it means. But you know that, since you are "devout." Anyway, this sounds like you have a problem with your DH. And, if you also have caused family strife, you need to work to fix that too. Crashing a wedding is not a step in the right direction. The fact that you would consider doing that is the reason many here are assuming you have been the cause of the family strife. Look inward before you lash out. Heal this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

Umm...if my spouse is invited to a wedding and I am not, then my spouse is not going. Sure my spouse can do things by themselves, and does many things with friends. But attending weddings alone is not one of those things. If you invite one member of a couple, you invite both or NONE.

Your spouse doesn't need your permission to go to his sister's wedding. He's not on a leash.

My spouse obviously doesn't need my permission. My spouse would simply RSVP No to an invitation like that and not go. We've been married 30+ years, this is not a "guys weekend trip".

You don't know your spouse would skip his sister's "wedding". Have you been in this situation?

Nope, but I am 100% certain my spouse would put me first should they be put in that situation.

Sad that for a small ceremony you would put yourself first and not encourage your husband to go. Why are you so insecure? Why not just be happy for your SIL?

I actually do not have to worry about that. Been invited to all of my spouses siblings weddings. The family is family focused and get along so I cannot imagine a sibling not inviting their SIL/BIL to the wedding. Then again, I get along with all of my SIL/BILs so it's not an issue.

So maybe imagine a scenario where someone has been rude, crossed a line, insulted etc and they would otherwise ruin a happy occasion. Or like others have said, this is a very small affair with a strict headcount limit. Because it's clearly one or both of these things going. This is also a short quick civil ceremony, there's really nothing to see. It's ok to sometimes do things without your spouse or allow them to see their family without escorting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

Umm...if my spouse is invited to a wedding and I am not, then my spouse is not going. Sure my spouse can do things by themselves, and does many things with friends. But attending weddings alone is not one of those things. If you invite one member of a couple, you invite both or NONE.

Your spouse doesn't need your permission to go to his sister's wedding. He's not on a leash.

My spouse obviously doesn't need my permission. My spouse would simply RSVP No to an invitation like that and not go. We've been married 30+ years, this is not a "guys weekend trip".

You don't know your spouse would skip his sister's "wedding". Have you been in this situation?

Nope, but I am 100% certain my spouse would put me first should they be put in that situation.

Sad that for a small ceremony you would put yourself first and not encourage your husband to go. Why are you so insecure? Why not just be happy for your SIL?

I actually do not have to worry about that. Been invited to all of my spouses siblings weddings. The family is family focused and get along so I cannot imagine a sibling not inviting their SIL/BIL to the wedding. Then again, I get along with all of my SIL/BILs so it's not an issue.

So maybe imagine a scenario where someone has been rude, crossed a line, insulted etc and they would otherwise ruin a happy occasion. Or like others have said, this is a very small affair with a strict headcount limit. Because it's clearly one or both of these things going. This is also a short quick civil ceremony, there's really nothing to see. It's ok to sometimes do things without your spouse or allow them to see their family without escorting them.

Well I can imagine it with one of my siblings. They have been rude to me, ungrateful and never apologized (think along the lines of they misbooked a plane ticket that I was paying for and then yelled at me to fix it when they were the one who booked the ticket, all this after they had booked their partners ticket the day before, that I refuse to pay for, and had F'd up and accidentally booked first class and overpaid. So sibling has a history of making mistakes and blaming others). Sibling is still with their partner, who when they visited us 9 years ago literally barely talked to us for the 7 days they were staying in our home, also barely talked to my parents (whom they might have more in common with given that they are actually a few months older than my parents...so they are 27 years older than my sibling). We were good hosts and tried to include them and get them chatting, but it simply wasn't going to happen.

So I can see when our kids get married, they might not want to invite my sibling and the partner (their uncle and the partner), because they don't want the partner there. They might not want to invite my sibling but definately wont invite the partner. So in that case I'd advise them to simply not invite them at all, since it's rude to not invite a couple to a wedding with 100+ attendees. And you know what, had another cousin's kid get married last year, and that bride actually asked me what I thought, as they did not want the partner attending (space was tight at a 400 person wedding). So ultimately they did not invite my sibling, because they didn't want the partner there and they realized it's rude to not invite both of them and they didn't want to deal with having to tell my sibling "hey nope it's just you we want to come".

[Anonymous]

I would be super pissed that my husband hid it from me. I mean, who does that? But I wouldn’t crash the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

Umm...if my spouse is invited to a wedding and I am not, then my spouse is not going. Sure my spouse can do things by themselves, and does many things with friends. But attending weddings alone is not one of those things. If you invite one member of a couple, you invite both or NONE.

Your spouse doesn't need your permission to go to his sister's wedding. He's not on a leash.

My spouse obviously doesn't need my permission. My spouse would simply RSVP No to an invitation like that and not go. We've been married 30+ years, this is not a "guys weekend trip".

You don't know your spouse would skip his sister's "wedding". Have you been in this situation?

Nope, but I am 100% certain my spouse would put me first should they be put in that situation.

Sad that for a small ceremony you would put yourself first and not encourage your husband to go. Why are you so insecure? Why not just be happy for your SIL?

I actually do not have to worry about that. Been invited to all of my spouses siblings weddings. The family is family focused and get along so I cannot imagine a sibling not inviting their SIL/BIL to the wedding. Then again, I get along with all of my SIL/BILs so it's not an issue.

So maybe imagine a scenario where someone has been rude, crossed a line, insulted etc and they would otherwise ruin a happy occasion. Or like others have said, this is a very small affair with a strict headcount limit. Because it's clearly one or both of these things going. This is also a short quick civil ceremony, there's really nothing to see. It's ok to sometimes do things without your spouse or allow them to see their family without escorting them.

Well I can imagine it with one of my siblings. They have been rude to me, ungrateful and never apologized (think along the lines of they misbooked a plane ticket that I was paying for and then yelled at me to fix it when they were the one who booked the ticket, all this after they had booked their partners ticket the day before, that I refuse to pay for, and had F'd up and accidentally booked first class and overpaid. So sibling has a history of making mistakes and blaming others). Sibling is still with their partner, who when they visited us 9 years ago literally barely talked to us for the 7 days they were staying in our home, also barely talked to my parents (whom they might have more in common with given that they are actually a few months older than my parents...so they are 27 years older than my sibling). We were good hosts and tried to include them and get them chatting, but it simply wasn't going to happen.

So I can see when our kids get married, they might not want to invite my sibling and the partner (their uncle and the partner), because they don't want the partner there. They might not want to invite my sibling but definately wont invite the partner. So in that case I'd advise them to simply not invite them at all, since it's rude to not invite a couple to a wedding with 100+ attendees. And you know what, had another cousin's kid get married last year, and that bride actually asked me what I thought, as they did not want the partner attending (space was tight at a 400 person wedding). So ultimately they did not invite my sibling, because they didn't want the partner there and they realized it's rude to not invite both of them and they didn't want to deal with having to tell my sibling "hey nope it's just you we want to come".

Ok. In OPs case it's a 6 person civil ceremony. Not a 100, 400+ person mega event where excluding one spouse in a wedding blow out would be a snub.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem, not a SIL problem. That husband didn't tell you is the problem, not that he's invited and not you, not that SIL invited him and not you.

💯
You’re focused on the wrong thing. Your husband hiding it is the problem. I would find that hurtful and a big warning sign.

Is it because he’s a spineless people-pleaser who caves to his family? Or possibly because he fears your possible (over)reaction? Who knows. But I’d direct my energy toward working on the marriage.

Or he knows how difficult his wife is and her role in the various beefs over the years.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

It is rude and wrong not to invite the spouse. But sometimes people are rude and wrong. I'm sorry this is painful, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

Don't do that. You aren't invited. Do not go.

Nope---you ask. This isn't some 2nd cousin twice removed. This is her husband's sister. If he's invited, she should be invited as well, unless there has been a complete falling out and in that case her husband should not be going either.

Have you been to a courthouse wedding? It may only actually physically fit the invited guest list, whom I am assuming are th petroleum that are closest and most supportive to the couple. Why should they forgo their parents or best friend to invite their sibling’s spouse who doesn’t seem to like them to start with?

It’s not Like this is a 100 person party OP a was excluded from - it sounds like a very specific and closed group of treasured guests. Being upset about this is just… weirdly selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

It is rude and
wrong not to invite the spouse. But sometimes people are rude and wrong. I'm sorry this is painful, OP.

What exactly is rude and wrong about it, if you actually take a look at the circumstances?

What is rude and wrong is pulling a temper tantrum about it. If OP a had any Catholic grace, throw a party with the people that the couple were not able to invite who would like to celebrate their union still.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you want to crash the wedding. What purposed would this serve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

Umm...if my spouse is invited to a wedding and I am not, then my spouse is not going. Sure my spouse can do things by themselves, and does many things with friends. But attending weddings alone is not one of those things. If you invite one member of a couple, you invite both or NONE.

I really don’t understand this mindset. You are married, not conjoined. There’s a difference.

Typically married couples are invited as a couple to weddings and events like weddings. Sure I'm married and not conjoined. But my spouse would say No to any wedding they were invited to and I was not included. They'd rather spend time with me than with some "friends/family" who don't have the decency to invite us both.

+1

If either my spouse or I were invited to a wedding separately we wouldn’t go.