Crash a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Don’t crash the wedding. That event is not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you all are really overshooting this "my spouse can't go to a wedding without me". It's a 6 person civil ceremony at a court house for a person the OP has "beef" with. That is not the same thing as a wedding and the idea that anyone would actively block their spouse from attending suggests to me that you'd be exactly the type of person your spouse would hide this from just like the OP. Drama queens.

Spouses are a couple for events like weddings. Even a small courthouse wedding. You invite me and my spouse better be included or I'll respond No.

I get it's a small gathering. But either you just invite your parents or you invite your siblings and their spouses along with the parents. But you don't say just siblings

It is a civil ceremony. You are suggesting playing tug-of-war with your spouse and his sibling over a civil ceremony. It's petty and immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

Umm...if my spouse is invited to a wedding and I am not, then my spouse is not going. Sure my spouse can do things by themselves, and does many things with friends. But attending weddings alone is not one of those things. If you invite one member of a couple, you invite both or NONE.

I really don’t understand this mindset. You are married, not conjoined. There’s a difference.

Typically married couples are invited as a couple to weddings and events like weddings. Sure I'm married and not conjoined. But my spouse would say No to any wedding they were invited to and I was not included. They'd rather spend time with me than with some "friends/family" who don't have the decency to invite us both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

Umm...if my spouse is invited to a wedding and I am not, then my spouse is not going. Sure my spouse can do things by themselves, and does many things with friends. But attending weddings alone is not one of those things. If you invite one member of a couple, you invite both or NONE.

Your spouse doesn't need your permission to go to his sister's wedding. He's not on a leash.

My spouse obviously doesn't need my permission. My spouse would simply RSVP No to an invitation like that and not go. We've been married 30+ years, this is not a "guys weekend trip".

[Anonymous]

Splurge on doing something you would really enjoy on that day. Skip the drama.

[Anonymous]

You would make all of this fuss over a wedding at a courthouse?

Would you go even if you were invited? You’ve admitted there are “beefs”. Why would she want you there as one of the very few people allowed? Simply because you are a package deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem, not a SIL problem. That husband didn't tell you is the problem, not that he's invited and not you, not that SIL invited him and not you.

💯
You’re focused on the wrong thing. Your husband hiding it is the problem. I would find that hurtful and a big warning sign.

Is it because he’s a spineless people-pleaser who caves to his family? Or possibly because he fears your possible (over)reaction? Who knows. But I’d direct my energy toward working on the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Though I will say that DH and I got married by a City Hall officiant and they had an option to do ceremony in a park. Their rule was 10 guests max. So it is possible that adding spouses (none of our siblings were married at the time) could take it over the limit. But then you’d think your SIL and husband would be open about such a situation.

[Anonymous]

The wedding itself is not what I’d care about but more what it signifies in terms of family relationship going forward. Not inviting the spouse of your sibling is a pretty passive aggressive move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

Umm...if my spouse is invited to a wedding and I am not, then my spouse is not going. Sure my spouse can do things by themselves, and does many things with friends. But attending weddings alone is not one of those things. If you invite one member of a couple, you invite both or NONE.

Your spouse doesn't need your permission to go to his sister's wedding. He's not on a leash.

My spouse obviously doesn't need my permission. My spouse would simply RSVP No to an invitation like that and not go. We've been married 30+ years, this is not a "guys weekend trip".

You don't know your spouse would skip his sister's "wedding". Have you been in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a husband problem, not a SIL problem. That husband didn't tell you is the problem, not that he's invited and not you, not that SIL invited him and not you.

💯
You’re focused on the wrong thing. Your husband hiding it is the problem. I would find that hurtful and a big warning sign.

Is it because he’s a spineless people-pleaser who caves to his family? Or possibly because he fears your possible (over)reaction? Who knows. But I’d direct my energy toward working on the marriage.

Or he knows how difficult his wife is and her role in the various beefs over the years.

[Anonymous]

Which guest does OP think should be excluded to make room for her? The bride and groom's parents and actual siblings?

[Anonymous]

OP sounds exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

Umm...if my spouse is invited to a wedding and I am not, then my spouse is not going. Sure my spouse can do things by themselves, and does many things with friends. But attending weddings alone is not one of those things. If you invite one member of a couple, you invite both or NONE.

Your spouse doesn't need your permission to go to his sister's wedding. He's not on a leash.

My spouse obviously doesn't need my permission. My spouse would simply RSVP No to an invitation like that and not go. We've been married 30+ years, this is not a "guys weekend trip".

You don't know your spouse would skip his sister's "wedding". Have you been in this situation?

Nope, but I am 100% certain my spouse would put me first should they be put in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

Umm...if my spouse is invited to a wedding and I am not, then my spouse is not going. Sure my spouse can do things by themselves, and does many things with friends. But attending weddings alone is not one of those things. If you invite one member of a couple, you invite both or NONE.

Your spouse doesn't need your permission to go to his sister's wedding. He's not on a leash.

My spouse obviously doesn't need my permission. My spouse would simply RSVP No to an invitation like that and not go. We've been married 30+ years, this is not a "guys weekend trip".

You don't know your spouse would skip his sister's "wedding". Have you been in this situation?

Nope, but I am 100% certain my spouse would put me first should they be put in that situation.

Sad that for a small ceremony you would put yourself first and not encourage your husband to go. Why are you so insecure? Why not just be happy for your SIL?