Crash a wedding?

[Anonymous]

SIL is getting married, she invited my spouse (her sibling) but not me. I found out by accident, spouse is hiding this from me. Its a small courthouse ceremony with half a dozen people. SIL was my bridesmaid 10 years ago, but there have been beefs since. My spouse claims he wants harmony between everybody, but is a people pleaser when it comes to family of origin. He doesnt know that i know. Do I crash the wedding?

[Anonymous]

You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

Don't do that. You aren't invited. Do not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

Now it becomes more clear why you weren't invited. No. People can invite or not invite anyone they like to their celebrations. You and your spouse are not conjoined twins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

Don't do that. You aren't invited. Do not go.

I am the person who recommended asking the spouse. This is different than normal etiquette. This is family excluding family for pointed reasons. No way to tell what is wrong or who did what. And the husband is already stuck in the middle.

OP, this is obviously upsetting, but only your husband owes you assistance with your feelings. And definitely do not crash. If he doesn't even want to talk to his sister about it, let it go. Maybe he already did.

Your SIL being a bridesmaid in your wedding doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's not relevant to how close you were at the time or what should be done now. And we don't need to know what the "beef" was to know you shouldn't crash. The wedding couple should determine who they want at their wedding and live with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should let him know that you found out.

You should then ask him to ask his sister if you can go.

Respect the answer you get back.

If you aren't invited, there's a reason, and crashing is wrong. Who knows what it is. But it's the wedding couple's day, and a respectful person would not seek to detract from it.

This might mean your SIL has permanently written off your relationship. But so what. If you are already estranged it doesn't really matter if you are not there.

OP here. Is it not wrong to invite someone without spouse? What god united, men can’t separate. We are a family unit and in-laws are all devout Catholics.

NP here. Yes, it is rude and wrong to invite one half of a married couple, but not the other. That said, you weren't invited. Crashing the wedding when you weren't invited is worse that your SIL's faux pas.

You tell your husband that you are hurt that you were not invited. Were I in your husband's shoes, I would tell my sister that we are both hurt that she chose to invite me but not my wife. And I would decline to attend, but still send a gift. I can't make my sister invite my wife, but I can politely decline the rude invitation because I made the choice when I married my wife. But ultimately, it's up to your husband to decide whose feelings it's more important that he honor, his sister or his wife. It's a terrible position to be in. You can make it easier, by encouraging him to go without you, but he still has to face the fact that he is making a choice of her over you and he will be hurting one of you; he just has to decide who he has to disappoint.

[Anonymous]

Of course not. She's only having six people. Have some dignity and do something else that day.

[Anonymous]

All these hurt feelings people get over it. OP ain't invited. Unless she had done something heinous to me in which case I would hope my husband on his own would not attend, I would just suck it up. She doesn't want you there. Do not go.

[Anonymous]

You have a husband problem, not a SIL problem. That husband didn't tell you is the problem, not that he's invited and not you, not that SIL invited him and not you.

[Anonymous]

No, you never crash a wedding! You said you have had beefs with the bride so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that you weren’t included in a 6 person wedding. Do you really want to be there??

[Anonymous]

Please don’t crash the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL is getting married, she invited my spouse (her sibling) but not me. I found out by accident, spouse is hiding this from me. Its a small courthouse ceremony with half a dozen people. SIL was my bridesmaid 10 years ago, but there have been beefs since. My spouse claims he wants harmony between everybody, but is a people pleaser when it comes to family of origin. He doesnt know that i know. Do I crash the wedding?

No and it's silly to assume this has to do with a beef. Court house weddings have limits on guests so they likely cut spouses and long term partners of siblings. Montgomery County MD has a maximum capacity of 10. What are you going to do? Check counties and see those capacities.

[Anonymous]

Not even a good troll. Like, come on. Do better. I would have loved a subtle troll on this topic, one that people could really get into. But then you come with this.

[Anonymous]

Go out to lunch and do some retail therapy on the wedding day. You were not invited for a reason. Please respect the bride.