MIL always wants to randomly stop by

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet, I've read several articles lately about Millennials being upset that Boomers are absentee grandparents. If you want the babysitting you gotta take the muffins, too.

The invitation to spend time with your grandkids does not mean you are invited to be controlling and manipulative. We can afford to pay for backup childcare if you can't provide it without strings attached. Your loss

Way to use the kids as leverage. #boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some dysfunctional families on here. I cannot imagine being so formal about scheduling time with either set of our parents. One of the great benefits of living near family is being able to do the spur the moment things and quick visits.

Seriously!!! Plus +100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some dysfunctional families on here. I cannot imagine being so formal about scheduling time with either set of our parents. One of the great benefits of living near family is being able to do the spur the moment things and quick visits.

Seriously!!! Plus +100

..and just to clarify, my mil is a pain, but cmon she can come whenever she likes! In laws are part of your family OP unless dysfunctional alcoholics, abusive, etc !

[Anonymous]

Carry on with your routine when she comes, spare a few moments for a super quick hello 👋 and get back to what you were doing ...and generally in life, relax a bit and dont take on so many things that you feel so overwhelmed.
It is upto your mil to keep coming to your place like family not like a guest and do her thang while you all carry on with ur life ...she can be apart of it, not a guest needing extra attention

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my GMs was like OP's MIL. She pushed herself into our lives. I know it drove my mom, who was a mother of 2 and a busy doctor, crazy. I am so happy that my GM put herself into our lives by force. She and I were very close until dementia claimed her sense of self. Don't get in the way of your child's relationship with their grandparent. It may inconvenience you now, but your child will remember their relationship with GM fondly in the years to come.

You can still have a healthy relationship with your grandkids without bulldozing their parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my GMs was like OP's MIL. She pushed herself into our lives. I know it drove my mom, who was a mother of 2 and a busy doctor, crazy. I am so happy that my GM put herself into our lives by force. She and I were very close until dementia claimed her sense of self. Don't get in the way of your child's relationship with their grandparent. It may inconvenience you now, but your child will remember their relationship with GM fondly in the years to come.

You can still have a healthy relationship with your grandkids without bulldozing their parents

And if grandma steps out of line, those every other week visits will drop to once a month!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet, I've read several articles lately about Millennials being upset that Boomers are absentee grandparents. If you want the babysitting you gotta take the muffins, too.

The invitation to spend time with your grandkids does not mean you are invited to be controlling and manipulative. We can afford to pay for backup childcare if you can't provide it without strings attached. Your loss

Way to use the kids as leverage. #boundaries

Not using the kids as leverage, just stating the facts that if a GP doesn't want to be sickday/backup childcare for our kids simply because we won't allow them to enter our home and visit unannounced 24/7, then we can simply setup reliable backup daycare that works for us. Simple, easy peasy. Kids see their grandparents plenty and at planned times but WE will not be manipulated by any grandparents.
Also, I'm an introvert and don't take kindly to anyone just randomly showing up on my doorstep with the pretense of coming to visit. I might have plans that do not include playing hostess to someone after a long day at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just stop making muffins and soup for you all.

And the next time you might ask me to watch my grandchild on a day when day care is closed, I might not see the text for hours and hours, or I might say, oh that’s not a good day, how about tomorrow?

I’ll just learn not to care about your hurt feelings. If you throw tantrums and complain about me to everyone, that will be YOUR problem.
).
Because it’s all about setting boundaries, right?

Do you think this is some type of threat or lesson? No, sweetie, that’s the POINT. The point is we don’t want or need your muffins, which always come with a side of guilt and expectations. Stay away. What makes you think you are needed for aftercare? You’re not. And by the way, if you withhold from us during emergencies, guess what will happen when you fall in the shower? Want to start the tit for tat? You need us a hell of a lot more than we need you. Facts.

We know, you don't need anything or anyone. You don't need your child's grandmother in a pinch for after care because you can pay people who don't love them to take care of that. You can always have muffins delivered. You don't need to meet or know your neighbors because you will never have to borrow a cup of sugar from them or god forbid ask for a favor (that would make you a user). You can hire a dog walker to take care of your dog etc etc etc etc etc etc.

Have fun with your dog walker who hates you, your after care at a sterile facility raising your children, your non-interaction with your Instacart delivery driver and your not so much as a nod hello neighbors. No one needs you either, PP. You are truly nuts to think the picture of yourself you paint is somehow attractive. It's not. It's the epitome of a lonely, pathetic, brittle person who has nothing that matters, like love and human connections, and all the superficial trappings that money can buy. Truly, truly pathetic.

You should get therapy. And understand what boundaries mean. Your reactions are over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just stop making muffins and soup for you all.

And the next time you might ask me to watch my grandchild on a day when day care is closed, I might not see the text for hours and hours, or I might say, oh that’s not a good day, how about tomorrow?

I’ll just learn not to care about your hurt feelings. If you throw tantrums and complain about me to everyone, that will be YOUR problem.
).
Because it’s all about setting boundaries, right?

Do you think this is some type of threat or lesson? No, sweetie, that’s the POINT. The point is we don’t want or need your muffins, which always come with a side of guilt and expectations. Stay away. What makes you think you are needed for aftercare? You’re not. And by the way, if you withhold from us during emergencies, guess what will happen when you fall in the shower? Want to start the tit for tat? You need us a hell of a lot more than we need you. Facts.

We know, you don't need anything or anyone. You don't need your child's grandmother in a pinch for after care because you can pay people who don't love them to take care of that. You can always have muffins delivered. You don't need to meet or know your neighbors because you will never have to borrow a cup of sugar from them or god forbid ask for a favor (that would make you a user). You can hire a dog walker to take care of your dog etc etc etc etc etc etc.

Have fun with your dog walker who hates you, your after care at a sterile facility raising your children, your non-interaction with your Instacart delivery driver and your not so much as a nod hello neighbors. No one needs you either, PP. You are truly nuts to think the picture of yourself you paint is somehow attractive. It's not. It's the epitome of a lonely, pathetic, brittle person who has nothing that matters, like love and human connections, and all the superficial trappings that money can buy. Truly, truly pathetic.

I can see why your children keep you at arms length.

[Anonymous]

To the poster who slams using daycare, let me tell you that our daycare staff cares about my daughter enough to not feed them tree nuts ON PURPOSE like my MIL did because she “didn’t believe” that she had a real allergy. My kid was in the ER because “loving” grandma wanted to prove a point.

I appreciate the loving—yes loving—and caring, smart, safe, friendly, respected and respectful, valued staff at our daycare who has always been reliable. Certain grandparents are now “visits only” because they don’t respect, wait for it, boundaries related to the safety and health and LIFE of my child.

[Anonymous]

Tell mil you don’t eat junk food so quit bringing muffins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just stop making muffins and soup for you all.

And the next time you might ask me to watch my grandchild on a day when day care is closed, I might not see the text for hours and hours, or I might say, oh that’s not a good day, how about tomorrow?

I’ll just learn not to care about your hurt feelings. If you throw tantrums and complain about me to everyone, that will be YOUR problem.
).
Because it’s all about setting boundaries, right?

Do you think this is some type of threat or lesson? No, sweetie, that’s the POINT. The point is we don’t want or need your muffins, which always come with a side of guilt and expectations. Stay away. What makes you think you are needed for aftercare? You’re not. And by the way, if you withhold from us during emergencies, guess what will happen when you fall in the shower? Want to start the tit for tat? You need us a hell of a lot more than we need you. Facts.

We know, you don't need anything or anyone. You don't need your child's grandmother in a pinch for after care because you can pay people who don't love them to take care of that. You can always have muffins delivered. You don't need to meet or know your neighbors because you will never have to borrow a cup of sugar from them or god forbid ask for a favor (that would make you a user). You can hire a dog walker to take care of your dog etc etc etc etc etc etc.

Have fun with your dog walker who hates you, your after care at a sterile facility raising your children, your non-interaction with your Instacart delivery driver and your not so much as a nod hello neighbors. No one needs you either, PP. You are truly nuts to think the picture of yourself you paint is somehow attractive. It's not. It's the epitome of a lonely, pathetic, brittle person who has nothing that matters, like love and human connections, and all the superficial trappings that money can buy. Truly, truly pathetic.

Your pathetic is my utopia. Sounds wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just stop making muffins and soup for you all.

And the next time you might ask me to watch my grandchild on a day when day care is closed, I might not see the text for hours and hours, or I might say, oh that’s not a good day, how about tomorrow?

I’ll just learn not to care about your hurt feelings. If you throw tantrums and complain about me to everyone, that will be YOUR problem.
).
Because it’s all about setting boundaries, right?

Do you think this is some type of threat or lesson? No, sweetie, that’s the POINT. The point is we don’t want or need your muffins, which always come with a side of guilt and expectations. Stay away. What makes you think you are needed for aftercare? You’re not. And by the way, if you withhold from us during emergencies, guess what will happen when you fall in the shower? Want to start the tit for tat? You need us a hell of a lot more than we need you. Facts.

We know, you don't need anything or anyone. You don't need your child's grandmother in a pinch for after care because you can pay people who don't love them to take care of that. You can always have muffins delivered. You don't need to meet or know your neighbors because you will never have to borrow a cup of sugar from them or god forbid ask for a favor (that would make you a user). You can hire a dog walker to take care of your dog etc etc etc etc etc etc.

Have fun with your dog walker who hates you, your after care at a sterile facility raising your children, your non-interaction with your Instacart delivery driver and your not so much as a nod hello neighbors. No one needs you either, PP. You are truly nuts to think the picture of yourself you paint is somehow attractive. It's not. It's the epitome of a lonely, pathetic, brittle person who has nothing that matters, like love and human connections, and all the superficial trappings that money can buy. Truly, truly pathetic.

You need a snack and a nap.

And spill..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some dysfunctional families on here. I cannot imagine being so formal about scheduling time with either set of our parents. One of the great benefits of living near family is being able to do the spur the moment things and quick visits.

Seriously!!! Plus +100

Agreed! My MIL just stops by and opens the door and its never occurred to me to mind. And rarely is she bringing food. But she also helps with the kids all the time, has never refused babysitting and is always asking how things in my family are going (how's my dad, my new baby niece, etc). She's family and is an awesome grandmother to my kids. I wish I had that when I was a kid but my local grandmother died when I was 6. I hope my kids appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the poster who slams using daycare, let me tell you that our daycare staff cares about my daughter enough to not feed them tree nuts ON PURPOSE like my MIL did because she “didn’t believe” that she had a real allergy. My kid was in the ER because “loving” grandma wanted to prove a point.

I appreciate the loving—yes loving—and caring, smart, safe, friendly, respected and respectful, valued staff at our daycare who has always been reliable. Certain grandparents are now “visits only” because they don’t respect, wait for it, boundaries related to the safety and health and LIFE of my child.

OMG---if ANYONE did that to my kid(s), they would be on a LONG timeout. And then would never be left alone with my kids, ever.