Feeling Guilty

[Anonymous]

The child has not gotten into UMD and that admission is very challenging. Would everyone’s advice be the same if it was Penn State/ Ohio State vs Towson?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Nope.

Adults have been saying they were impressed kid got accepted, how hard it is to get in now, etc. Kid knew many who did not get into UMD.

The kids we know attending were top 10 in their class, and several are valedictorians.

If you are embarrassed by UMD, that has something to do with you and not the school.

Phrases like “zero cachet” and “most students and parents” show careless thinking and identify you are a black and white thinker.

Of course adults are going to “say” that to your face, but it’s not really what many are really thinking. And, yes, top students do enroll at UMD and its admissions are highly selective. But that why I said “fair or not.”

Most people I know who either attended or have kids attending UMD will follow up saying where they attended/attend with a “but” - as if some kind of explanation is required. Nobody says that about UVA or the Ra Ra schools, or if they do say it after the Ra Ra schools it’s typically “I/kid got into Maryland but wanted a more fun experience.”

I don't get the whole "more fun experience." What is it with these Ra Ra schools that make it more fun that UMD? Where kids get drunk M-F? What are Ra Ra schools to begin with? It seems to me that you and your daughter have been watching too many TikToks. I can understand if you're comparing your Ra Ras (whatever they are) to a small private but this is a Big Ten school for crying out loud.

You don’t “get it” because you’re just old and out of touch. Sorry.

Sorry, but you sound like a privileged DB. You do realize that many smart students with their head on their shoulders actually prioritize their future and academics over partying, right? If my DD gets accepted to UMD and Penn State, she knows she's going for UMD for the in-state tuition. Still plenty of parties and stuff to do at UMD. I'm not paying an extra $30K just so she can have "slightly" more fun (if that's the perception) at a football game.

+1 UMD is a much better school than the ones you listed. Coupled with being in state, it's the smarter choice.

Most of us aren't wealthy, and paying oos when you have a great in state option makes zero sense. It's ridiculous for an 18 yr old to expect their parents to pay that much money for the fun.

I am having this discussion with my sophomore dc right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC needs to focus more on college as a chance to obtain a degree which gives her a marketable skill that will let her support herself.

Rich kids might have college as play time. Regular people like me just did not have that luxury.

amen to that. And that is the vast majority of people in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:people who choose to teach and lead research labs at UMD ... My guess is those taking jobs there didn’t do so because they think the school is bad.

UMCP alum and professor here. Multiple colleagues' kids did not get in here, and were forced to go to Penn State or transfer back to Maryland.

Warning: A school can have good jobs for researchers but be bad for students, or vice versa. My graduate school gave us the mushroom treatment: keep students in the dark and pile on the shit. Maryland will let you take large, cheap classes if you are happy to coast along with easy grades. But Maryland also has expensive science labs and top professors in many areas. You just need to seek the challenges and honors programs.

The quality of a department is different than the quality of a university. The top departments in Oceanography are University of Washington and UCSD. University of Colorado had the world's second best Geoscience department, because Boulder has a lot more rocks than fish. But Harvard and Yale have better law and medical schools.

Finally, every kid does not deserve to go the a flagship state university like UMCP. Towson, UMBC, and Bowie State are nearby. My in-laws' kids could not get in, and ultimately chose night school at University of Maryland Global Campus, formerly University College. Those students were not committed to full-time study and did deserve to a top place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We simply told our kids that they could only apply to instate schools, so that we could cover their tuition. So they did and that was that. We would never have let them apply OOS if we couldn't afford it.

This is repeated and repeated here, but I call bullshit. Most people “let” their kid apply where they want to go and see how the chips fall. You never know where your kid is going to get in, how much merit aid you’ll get, and whether and how much financial aid. To do otherwise is limiting your kids options.

OP, you don’t know yet. I know it will work out for you and your kid.

Well, aren't you a charmer. I'm the PP and yes, this is exactly what we did. Our kids applied to our many instate schools and had great options - not limiting at all, in fact, quite the opposite. You have no clue what "most people" do or don't do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Oh for goodness sake. UMD is 17 for computer science on US News — tied with Harvard. Ranked 19 for engineering, ahead of almost all the Ivies. Top 10 in physics. Seriously, no one is embarrassed to be at UMD.

Agree- I bet this poster has not been through the college admissions process. They don’t understand that UMD is a good school and a pretty tough admit for any student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We simply told our kids that they could only apply to instate schools, so that we could cover their tuition. So they did and that was that. We would never have let them apply OOS if we couldn't afford it.

This is repeated and repeated here, but I call bullshit. Most people “let” their kid apply where they want to go and see how the chips fall. You never know where your kid is going to get in, how much merit aid you’ll get, and whether and how much financial aid. To do otherwise is limiting your kids options.

OP, you don’t know yet. I know it will work out for you and your kid.

Well, aren't you a charmer. I'm the PP and yes, this is exactly what we did. Our kids applied to our many instate schools and had great options - not limiting at all, in fact, quite the opposite. You have no clue what "most people" do or don't do.

DP. My kid goes to a high FARMS high school and I would say majority of the kids (even the smart and motivated ones) who didn't get into UMD or get significant merit aid/scholarships; are attending Towson and UMBC. Plenty are going to community college and then transferring to a university afterwards. We're probably in the minority of parents who are willing to let our kid apply anywhere and "see where the chips fall." The DCUM audience doesn't understand that a ton of people don't have this luxury.