Feeling Guilty
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Anonymous
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I don’t have a lot of money. It’s not that I’m not responsible, I’m extremely into saving. However, after a nasty divorce from a drug addicted loser, I had to pay off a lot of debt that was left for me, pay for rent in Montgomery County, and generally just survive. I’m happy with everything I’ve accomplished BUT feeling so guilty about the limited options my DD has for college. While all her friends are excitedly making plans for next year, mine is in tears that she can’t go to her dream schools.
I recognize that it’s a first world problem and she will still be able to go to an in state college, but I do feel sad that she doesn’t get to live her dream of going out of state to a big rah rah school. Just needed to vent about my reality. Anyone else dealing with the same? |
Anonymous
| Dispel her of the notion of “dream schools”. |
Anonymous
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Was she accepted to her dream school? She can work and pay cash for it. Most international students work 40+ hours a week to pay out of state tuition with no parents to help at all.
She is entitled and completely out of touch with what she can afford. Clearly not willing to work hard to pay for the school. I'm surprised you are going with it after what you have been through. |
Anonymous
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Slap some sense into her (metaphorically speaking). Most kids don't go to their dream schools, either because they can't afford to, or because they don't get accepted. They TALK about going to their dream school. That's different. Slap some sense into yourself. UMD is a great option. Other state schools will give her a solid education. There is no deprivation or sense of failure anywhere in this scenario. It sounds like you both carry a chip on your shoulder regarding the divorce and possibly decreased socioeconomic status. You both have to work on yourselves. And please never contribute to developing a sense of injustice or grievance in your kid. What you should be worrying about is whether she's going to get accepted. I know kids with 4.2 wGPAs and multiple AP, etc, who were rejected. |
Anonymous
| What is her “dream school?” There are many private schools that will help students get through without massive debt and can end up being cheaper than a state school. My daughter is applying to Smith where they have eliminated loans from its financial aid packages. The average grant for the class of ‘26 was $55.5K. |
Anonymous
| Lucky you, I guess? I posted this more about me than her. I don’t really see her at Towson (or Maryland if she gets in) as it’s always been her dream to go to school at a large sports school. Maryland just doesn’t have that type of school- the SEC or Big Ten (I know Md is Big 10, but it has a different feel than the Midwest schools). Obviously she will be okay, I was just feeling sad that I can’t give her what she wants. |
Anonymous
| I'm confused. OP, what state do you live in? State schools are usually the "big, rah-rah" experience you said your daughter is looking for. In VA, there are plenty of great options, many of which have big-school spirit. |
Anonymous
| She has gotten into several “dream” schools for her- Ohio State, Penn State, and Clemson. Again, I know it’s going to be okay. I was just feeling sad and I guess seeing if anyone else was also feeling that way. Guess not. |
Anonymous
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Well to be fair, you were NOT responsible, to hook up with a drug-addicted loser. I mean, let's be honest here.
Regardless, your daughter needs to get her head of out of the clouds and realize how lucky she is. She has a parent who loves her and is present for her, she has been given the opportunity for a great education, she is being encouraged to get a higher education rather than being kicked out and told to work and support herself. She needs to be grateful for what she has and not focus on what she doesn't. There'll always be people who have more than her AND less than her. |
Anonymous
That's not true because INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WORK AT MOST JOBS DUE TO VISA RESTRICTIONS. Even if you found an approved job on campus, international UNDERGRAD student tuition is usually not something you can work off. It's very expensive at some schools. At UMD, it's at least 55K a year for tuition, room and board, but there are extra fees, including ones specifically for international students. I was an international GRADUATE student, and was offered free tuition plus a small stipend to work in a lab. I got my own accommodation and paid for my own meals. And even for American students, I can't see how they would pay their way by working AND going to class. In-state tuition, room and board is like 30K a year. Part-time jobs don't cover all of these costs. I hate it when idiots spout off nonsense like this. |
Anonymous
| Mist kids in this country just go somewhere close to home because they can’t afford anything else. Many others drop down a tier in order to get a scholarship. Time to put on her big girl pants and stop the whingeing. |
Anonymous
Unless your DC is an academic superstar who is in line for scholarships, or you are low income ( substantial financial aid) don't apply to colleges you cannot afford. If you're a Maryland resident, UMD will provide a fine college experience for money. |
Anonymous
| OP, doesn’t she qualify for financial aid because of the divorce? I’m confused. |
Anonymous
Sorry about the situation. You're not the only one. Generally, out of state rah-rah public schools won't be doable. All those kids going to Colorado or UC San Diego are paying Brown prices for the privilege. Double what instate is paying. Public schools generally can't offer decent aid to out of state students. There are merit scholarships though. Regents etc. But difficult to get. The better strategy is to look at the private schools, even the really expensive ones. Do the financial calculator. Much better with aid. You might have a lot more options than you think you do. |
Anonymous
Sigh. Do you see how you could have led with "DD got into OOS schools but forced to attend MD in-state through lack of funds" would have been much more clear? Everything in a nutshell so to speak. If you had, we'd have been able to go straight to excoriating you for not having had the presence of mind to tell her to apply in-state only 
Why risk the tears when a little homework would have told you that with her stats, she wasn't getting enough merit? Sorry, this is on you. You should feel guilty. And don't you dare take out loans. That would make you even more stupid. |