Feeling Guilty

[Anonymous]

Two words. Financial Aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has gotten into several “dream” schools for her- Ohio State, Penn State, and Clemson. Again, I know it’s going to be okay. I was just feeling sad and I guess seeing if anyone else was also feeling that way. Guess not.

I’m not giving my daughter her dream school either and no I don’t feel sad. I’m not even sure whether I can’t or won’t because it will negatively affect our retirement. Personally I think it’s crazy to go into debt for certain things if you can avoid it but she is welcome to take our money and add loans to get to a “dream school”.

My daughter is planning on studying something she can get anywhere and doesn’t need a specialty school. I feel really great that we’ve set her up so that she can come out of school debt free and ready for adult life if she makes good choices and we’ve taught her to make good choices. There is no sadness or guilt or anything else negative.

[Anonymous]

ROTC is a fantastic way to pay for school.

[Anonymous]

There’s always a way to finance an education if she wants to attend OOS. She could defer admission but move to the state, try to find an interesting job, attend community college, and obtain residency. Or can you go remote with your job? You could both move to another state and establish residency for her. But honestly, UMD is a great option. It just doesn’t seem exciting because it’s in your backyard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two words. Financial Aid.

There may be reasons why OP’s kid is not eligible for robust financial aid. Or not enough for the COA for the schools OP listed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College Park is so sketchy. Crime is bad and it’s run down.

It appears quite a number of the posters here haven't been to College Park recently and still remember the place from the 90's and early to mid 2000's. Well it's much improved/better from what you recall.

[Anonymous]

Did you tell her or lead her to believe that she could go to any school that admitted her? If so, it makes sense for her to be upset. If you told her in state was the only option that would work financially, then she should not be in tears. She's 17, not 7.

I'm married in a two-income household and we were still not willing and able to spend unlimited amounts of money on undergraduate education. We told DCs what the budget was and that was that. One stayed in state and one went to OOS public that was about the same cost as the most expensive in-state public. No guilt, no tears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College Park is so sketchy. Crime is bad and it’s run down.

It appears quite a number of the posters here haven't been to College Park recently and still remember the place from the 90's and early to mid 2000's. Well it's much improved/better from what you recall.

I still think CP is a fairly dull area, but the campus is quite nice and very safe.

[Anonymous]

OP-- if you would otherwise qualify for financial aid but can't because of something related to the divorce (e.g., spouse won't pay their share), financial aid offices will consider exceptions to their stated aid levels. You need to reach out to them individually to see.

I'm guessing you haven't actually applied for financial aid yet because these are state schools, and the FAFSA just opened. I think you might be surprised by what you receive--be sure to apply for aid before you assume that you won't qualify for enough to make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was she accepted to her dream school? She can work and pay cash for it. Most international students work 40+ hours a week to pay out of state tuition with no parents to help at all.
She is entitled and completely out of touch with what she can afford. Clearly not willing to work hard to pay for the school.
I'm surprised you are going with it after what you have been through.

It is absolute bullshit that most international students are working 40+ hours a week and paying their own way to out of state schools and paying out of state tuition. You are out of your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was she accepted to her dream school? She can work and pay cash for it. Most international students work 40+ hours a week to pay out of state tuition with no parents to help at all.
She is entitled and completely out of touch with what she can afford. Clearly not willing to work hard to pay for the school.
I'm surprised you are going with it after what you have been through.

Umm most international students come from well off families who can pay full price.

+1. In fact, you have to prove you have the funds to pay for college before you will be issued a visa.

[Anonymous]

Her tears don’t mean it’s your fault or that you should feel guilty, which doesn’t serve either of you. Kids are disappointed by all sorts of things. Let her be disappointed, and do not make it about you. You e been a great role model for her by what you’ve accomplished. She’s seeing that and it will come back to her when she’s ready. When you’re not guilty, you can comfort her from a place of love. When you’re feeling guilty it doesn’t come from a good place.

Let her be. And be kind to yourself. Both of you will carry on and the possibilities really are endless even from where you’re both standing now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has gotten into several “dream” schools for her- Ohio State, Penn State, and Clemson. Again, I know it’s going to be okay. I was just feeling sad and I guess seeing if anyone else was also feeling that way. Guess not.

Not to be repetitive, but these are all similar flagships, when you cut to the chase. If (big if) she can get into UMD, it’s hard to believe that anyone who is price sensitive would go to extreme financial lengths to attend any of these schools over UMD. UMD is the strongest academically and has major D1 sports. Sure football is lacking compared to these programs, but is that your number 1 criteria for college? And BTW, UMD is historically a basketball school and when they are good, the Verizon Center is rockin’.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why did she apply to OOS schools? If she really wants to go there’s always a way. But I still think she should hold her head up high, because she got accepted to her dream schools and she’s going to prob love the school she does go to. It always works out.

Schools often give merit to OOS students. If the student is talented enough, sometimes it’s a full ride. Doesn’t hurt to apply just to see what kind of merit you get. OP: sometimes the schools won’t send out merit letters until a little later, so hold tight.

[Anonymous]

The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.