Feeling Guilty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Nope.

Adults have been saying they were impressed kid got accepted, how hard it is to get in now, etc. Kid knew many who did not get into UMD.

The kids we know attending were top 10 in their class, and several are valedictorians.

If you are embarrassed by UMD, that has something to do with you and not the school.

Phrases like “zero cachet” and “most students and parents” show careless thinking and identify you are a black and white thinker.

Of course adults are going to “say” that to your face, but it’s not really what many are really thinking. And, yes, top students do enroll at UMD and its admissions are highly selective. But that why I said “fair or not.”

Most people I know who either attended or have kids attending UMD will follow up saying where they attended/attend with a “but” - as if some kind of explanation is required. Nobody says that about UVA or the Ra Ra schools, or if they do say it after the Ra Ra schools it’s typically “I/kid got into Maryland but wanted a more fun experience.”

I don't get the whole "more fun experience." What is it with these Ra Ra schools that make it more fun that UMD? Where kids get drunk M-F? What are Ra Ra schools to begin with? It seems to me that you and your daughter have been watching too many TikToks. I can understand if you're comparing your Ra Ras (whatever they are) to a small private but this is a Big Ten school for crying out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Oh for goodness sake. UMD is 17 for computer science on US News — tied with Harvard. Ranked 19 for engineering, ahead of almost all the Ivies. Top 10 in physics. Seriously, no one is embarrassed to be at UMD.

+1

If my DC can get accepted to UMD and save thousands of dollars in tuition compared to other out of state publics, then great. The average GPA is 4.0 / 1400 SAT / 32 ACT. That's competitive admissions. Not a cakewalk.

Right. And all of that will be your “but” if your kid gets admitted to and goes there. So we’re on the same page actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Nope.

Adults have been saying they were impressed kid got accepted, how hard it is to get in now, etc. Kid knew many who did not get into UMD.

The kids we know attending were top 10 in their class, and several are valedictorians.

If you are embarrassed by UMD, that has something to do with you and not the school.

Phrases like “zero cachet” and “most students and parents” show careless thinking and identify you are a black and white thinker.

Of course adults are going to “say” that to your face, but it’s not really what many are really thinking. And, yes, top students do enroll at UMD and its admissions are highly selective. But that why I said “fair or not.”

Most people I know who either attended or have kids attending UMD will follow up saying where they attended/attend with a “but” - as if some kind of explanation is required. Nobody says that about UVA or the Ra Ra schools, or if they do say it after the Ra Ra schools it’s typically “I/kid got into Maryland but wanted a more fun experience.”

I don't get the whole "more fun experience." What is it with these Ra Ra schools that make it more fun that UMD? Where kids get drunk M-F? What are Ra Ra schools to begin with? It seems to me that you and your daughter have been watching too many TikToks. I can understand if you're comparing your Ra Ras (whatever they are) to a small private but this is a Big Ten school for crying out loud.

You don’t “get it” because you’re just old and out of touch. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Amazing how everyone is harshing on OP for escaping a bad place, paying off HIS debts, and then feeling bad because now she can't give her kid the life she's always wanted/been working for? (maybe the ex wasn't a junkie or a loser when she married him, hmm?)

The drumbeat of "how DARE you want nice things with your awful life choices" assumes much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Nope.

Adults have been saying they were impressed kid got accepted, how hard it is to get in now, etc. Kid knew many who did not get into UMD.

The kids we know attending were top 10 in their class, and several are valedictorians.

If you are embarrassed by UMD, that has something to do with you and not the school.

Phrases like “zero cachet” and “most students and parents” show careless thinking and identify you are a black and white thinker.

Of course adults are going to “say” that to your face, but it’s not really what many are really thinking. And, yes, top students do enroll at UMD and its admissions are highly selective. But that why I said “fair or not.”

Most people I know who either attended or have kids attending UMD will follow up saying where they attended/attend with a “but” - as if some kind of explanation is required. Nobody says that about UVA or the Ra Ra schools, or if they do say it after the Ra Ra schools it’s typically “I/kid got into Maryland but wanted a more fun experience.”

I don't get the whole "more fun experience." What is it with these Ra Ra schools that make it more fun that UMD? Where kids get drunk M-F? What are Ra Ra schools to begin with? It seems to me that you and your daughter have been watching too many TikToks. I can understand if you're comparing your Ra Ras (whatever they are) to a small private but this is a Big Ten school for crying out loud.

You don’t “get it” because you’re just old and out of touch. Sorry.

Sorry, but you sound like a privileged DB. You do realize that many smart students with their head on their shoulders actually prioritize their future and academics over partying, right? If my DD gets accepted to UMD and Penn State, she knows she's going for UMD for the in-state tuition. Still plenty of parties and stuff to do at UMD. I'm not paying an extra $30K just so she can have "slightly" more fun (if that's the perception) at a football game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Oh for goodness sake. UMD is 17 for computer science on US News — tied with Harvard. Ranked 19 for engineering, ahead of almost all the Ivies. Top 10 in physics. Seriously, no one is embarrassed to be at UMD.

Again, it’s why a said “fair or not.” I’m talking perception, not reality.

Then your problem is your friends. It’s not perceived badly at all among my set. And yes we are highly educated professionals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Nope.

Adults have been saying they were impressed kid got accepted, how hard it is to get in now, etc. Kid knew many who did not get into UMD.

The kids we know attending were top 10 in their class, and several are valedictorians.

If you are embarrassed by UMD, that has something to do with you and not the school.

Phrases like “zero cachet” and “most students and parents” show careless thinking and identify you are a black and white thinker.

Of course adults are going to “say” that to your face, but it’s not really what many are really thinking. And, yes, top students do enroll at UMD and its admissions are highly selective. But that why I said “fair or not.”

Most people I know who either attended or have kids attending UMD will follow up saying where they attended/attend with a “but” - as if some kind of explanation is required. Nobody says that about UVA or the Ra Ra schools, or if they do say it after the Ra Ra schools it’s typically “I/kid got into Maryland but wanted a more fun experience.”

I don't get the whole "more fun experience." What is it with these Ra Ra schools that make it more fun that UMD? Where kids get drunk M-F? What are Ra Ra schools to begin with? It seems to me that you and your daughter have been watching too many TikToks. I can understand if you're comparing your Ra Ras (whatever they are) to a small private but this is a Big Ten school for crying out loud.

You don’t “get it” because you’re just old and out of touch. Sorry.

Sorry, but you sound like a privileged DB. You do realize that many smart students with their head on their shoulders actually prioritize their future and academics over partying, right? If my DD gets accepted to UMD and Penn State, she knows she's going for UMD for the in-state tuition. Still plenty of parties and stuff to do at UMD. I'm not paying an extra $30K just so she can have "slightly" more fun (if that's the perception) at a football game.

Right. And you sound like somebody’s grandfather. No offense. You’re just proving my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Oh for goodness sake. UMD is 17 for computer science on US News — tied with Harvard. Ranked 19 for engineering, ahead of almost all the Ivies. Top 10 in physics. Seriously, no one is embarrassed to be at UMD.

Again, it’s why a said “fair or not.” I’m talking perception, not reality.

Then your problem is your friends. It’s not perceived badly at all among my set. And yes we are highly educated professionals.

Never said it was perceived badly. It’s typically perceived with a shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Nope.

Adults have been saying they were impressed kid got accepted, how hard it is to get in now, etc. Kid knew many who did not get into UMD.

The kids we know attending were top 10 in their class, and several are valedictorians.

If you are embarrassed by UMD, that has something to do with you and not the school.

Phrases like “zero cachet” and “most students and parents” show careless thinking and identify you are a black and white thinker.

Of course adults are going to “say” that to your face, but it’s not really what many are really thinking. And, yes, top students do enroll at UMD and its admissions are highly selective. But that why I said “fair or not.”

Most people I know who either attended or have kids attending UMD will follow up saying where they attended/attend with a “but” - as if some kind of explanation is required. Nobody says that about UVA or the Ra Ra schools, or if they do say it after the Ra Ra schools it’s typically “I/kid got into Maryland but wanted a more fun experience.”

I don't get the whole "more fun experience." What is it with these Ra Ra schools that make it more fun that UMD? Where kids get drunk M-F? What are Ra Ra schools to begin with? It seems to me that you and your daughter have been watching too many TikToks. I can understand if you're comparing your Ra Ras (whatever they are) to a small private but this is a Big Ten school for crying out loud.

You don’t “get it” because you’re just old and out of touch. Sorry.

Sorry, but you sound like a privileged DB. You do realize that many smart students with their head on their shoulders actually prioritize their future and academics over partying, right? If my DD gets accepted to UMD and Penn State, she knows she's going for UMD for the in-state tuition. Still plenty of parties and stuff to do at UMD. I'm not paying an extra $30K just so she can have "slightly" more fun (if that's the perception) at a football game.

Right. And you sound like somebody’s grandfather. No offense. You’re just proving my point.

Actually, no. And trust me I'm not offended. You nor anyone has proven your point because you have none. You actually haven't answered the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Oh for goodness sake. UMD is 17 for computer science on US News — tied with Harvard. Ranked 19 for engineering, ahead of almost all the Ivies. Top 10 in physics. Seriously, no one is embarrassed to be at UMD.

Again, it’s why a said “fair or not.” I’m talking perception, not reality.

Then your problem is your friends. It’s not perceived badly at all among my set. And yes we are highly educated professionals.

Never said it was perceived badly. It’s typically perceived with a shrug.

Those "shrugging" are folks who thought their kids should be at HYPSM ( I know a few with such thinking). If that's the comparison then UMD is as good as it gets in terms of eventual student outcomes relative to those top 5.

[Anonymous]

Op was looking for those who might identify with how she’s feeeling, not judgment and assumptions. Geesh! Who are these people who go on DCUM to make others feel bad. I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

We simply told our kids that they could only apply to instate schools, so that we could cover their tuition. So they did and that was that. We would never have let them apply OOS if we couldn't afford it.

[Anonymous]

DC needs to focus more on college as a chance to obtain a degree which gives her a marketable skill that will let her support herself.

Rich kids might have college as play time. Regular people like me just did not have that luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We simply told our kids that they could only apply to instate schools, so that we could cover their tuition. So they did and that was that. We would never have let them apply OOS if we couldn't afford it.

This is repeated and repeated here, but I call bullshit. Most people “let” their kid apply where they want to go and see how the chips fall. You never know where your kid is going to get in, how much merit aid you’ll get, and whether and how much financial aid. To do otherwise is limiting your kids options.

OP, you don’t know yet. I know it will work out for you and your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Nope.

Adults have been saying they were impressed kid got accepted, how hard it is to get in now, etc. Kid knew many who did not get into UMD.

The kids we know attending were top 10 in their class, and several are valedictorians.

If you are embarrassed by UMD, that has something to do with you and not the school.

Phrases like “zero cachet” and “most students and parents” show careless thinking and identify you are a black and white thinker.

Of course adults are going to “say” that to your face, but it’s not really what many are really thinking. And, yes, top students do enroll at UMD and its admissions are highly selective. But that why I said “fair or not.”

Most people I know who either attended or have kids attending UMD will follow up saying where they attended/attend with a “but” - as if some kind of explanation is required. Nobody says that about UVA or the Ra Ra schools, or if they do say it after the Ra Ra schools it’s typically “I/kid got into Maryland but wanted a more fun experience.”

I knew someone would say that. These include people who choose to teach and lead research labs at UMD and who chose to attend graduate school there—and parents whose kids did not get in and those who did. My guess is those taking jobs there didn’t do so because they think the school is bad.

Not sure why the “many” people you know send students there all sound embarrassed. Seems insecure.

Given that people here have impressions of College Park from years ago, I can see now that some have inaccurate ideas about CP and UMD.