Feeling Guilty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, hang in there.

There are lot of options that your child can explore.

Admissions for Finnish university (Alto, LUT, Oulu) are open till 17th January. Some nice courses, scholarships that may take care of 100% of the fee, and better quality of education.

Have you been to Finland? I have, and there is definitely no “rah rah culture” there! 🤣

[Anonymous]

Try Minnesota. Kid got $20k a year merit. They’re not a genius. Brings tuition/r&b to about $30k a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College Park is so sketchy. Crime is bad and it’s run down.

It appears quite a number of the posters here haven't been to College Park recently and still remember the place from the 90's and early to mid 2000's. Well it's much improved/better from what you recall.

+1

The people who spout off without recent info show up as poorly informed (and out of date) at best.

Guess you haven’t been there in 30 years if you think it’s run down or the “armpit” of Maryland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a lot of money. It’s not that I’m not responsible, I’m extremely into saving. However, after a nasty divorce from a drug addicted loser, I had to pay off a lot of debt that was left for me, pay for rent in Montgomery County, and generally just survive. I’m happy with everything I’ve accomplished BUT feeling so guilty about the limited options my DD has for college. While all her friends are excitedly making plans for next year, mine is in tears that she can’t go to her dream schools.

I recognize that it’s a first world problem and she will still be able to go to an in state college, but I do feel sad that she doesn’t get to live her dream of going out of state to a big rah rah school.

Just needed to vent about my reality. Anyone else dealing with the same?

You lost me after the bold, "after a nasty divorce from a drug addicted loser...". It's obvious you make poor choices. It's obvious no one was home upstairs from the get go. Now, if you had posted, "After experiencing and surviving life's vicissitudes...," I might have given you the benefit of the doubt. Be kind to your former better half.

[Anonymous]

OP, no one here knows what you mean by “rah rah.” Are you choosing schools based on their sororities’ TikToks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Nope.

Adults have been saying they were impressed kid got accepted, how hard it is to get in now, etc. Kid knew many who did not get into UMD.

The kids we know attending were top 10 in their class, and several are valedictorians.

If you are embarrassed by UMD, that has something to do with you and not the school.

Phrases like “zero cachet” and “most students and parents” show careless thinking and identify you are a black and white thinker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a lot of money. It’s not that I’m not responsible, I’m extremely into saving. However, after a nasty divorce from a drug addicted loser, I had to pay off a lot of debt that was left for me, pay for rent in Montgomery County, and generally just survive. I’m happy with everything I’ve accomplished BUT feeling so guilty about the limited options my DD has for college. While all her friends are excitedly making plans for next year, mine is in tears that she can’t go to her dream schools.

I recognize that it’s a first world problem and she will still be able to go to an in state college, but I do feel sad that she doesn’t get to live her dream of going out of state to a big rah rah school.

Just needed to vent about my reality. Anyone else dealing with the same?

You lost me after the bold, "after a nasty divorce from a drug addicted loser...". It's obvious you make poor choices. It's obvious no one was home upstairs from the get go. Now, if you had posted, "After experiencing and surviving life's vicissitudes...," I might have given you the benefit of the doubt. Be kind to your former better half.

Yes, OP married a "loser" cuz all the winners had enough sense to stay away from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has gotten into several “dream” schools for her- Ohio State, Penn State, and Clemson. Again, I know it’s going to be okay. I was just feeling sad and I guess seeing if anyone else was also feeling that way. Guess not.

Not to be repetitive, but these are all similar flagships, when you cut to the chase. If (big if) she can get into UMD, it’s hard to believe that anyone who is price sensitive would go to extreme financial lengths to attend any of these schools over UMD. UMD is the strongest academically and has major D1 sports. Sure football is lacking compared to these programs, but is that your number 1 criteria for college? And BTW, UMD is historically a basketball school and when they are good, the Verizon Center is rockin’.

Ya, OP sounds like she's feeding into her daughter's delusion that UMD is inferior to these schools. UMD is more difficult to get into and OP is acting like her kid will be sitting in the dorm room on Friday nights with nothing to do but play Bingo with her roommate. OP- it's a Big TEN school which means it's huge and has a ton of resources. Academics will be top notch and your daughter would be lucky to get in. Sports are a big deal too, just the nature of being a part of the Big 10. What's wrong with you? Also, part of the beauty of UMD is that it's close to DC and Baltimore and if your daughter wanted to, she could venture out to either one of those cities (which many UMD students do) for a day/night if they want a break from CP. Literally, where would you do that in Penn State? My recommendation is to teach your daughter to start being grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Oh for goodness sake. UMD is 17 for computer science on US News — tied with Harvard. Ranked 19 for engineering, ahead of almost all the Ivies. Top 10 in physics. Seriously, no one is embarrassed to be at UMD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Nope.

Adults have been saying they were impressed kid got accepted, how hard it is to get in now, etc. Kid knew many who did not get into UMD.

The kids we know attending were top 10 in their class, and several are valedictorians.

If you are embarrassed by UMD, that has something to do with you and not the school.

Phrases like “zero cachet” and “most students and parents” show careless thinking and identify you are a black and white thinker.

Of course adults are going to “say” that to your face, but it’s not really what many are really thinking. And, yes, top students do enroll at UMD and its admissions are highly selective. But that why I said “fair or not.”

Most people I know who either attended or have kids attending UMD will follow up saying where they attended/attend with a “but” - as if some kind of explanation is required. Nobody says that about UVA or the Ra Ra schools, or if they do say it after the Ra Ra schools it’s typically “I/kid got into Maryland but wanted a more fun experience.”

[Anonymous]

Your daughter might have wealthy friends…but help her gain perspective. Most Americans don’t graduate from college. Only a very small number who go are full pay. The rest have to limit their choices or take on crushing debt.

You are a great mom for having had the strength and good judgement to cut your bad husband loose. Now your child will get to attend college. That is the dream.

There will always be people in life with a fancier home or car or vacation. It is a Good life lesson for your child to appreciate what she has, and not let comparisons dictate her happiness.

PS-don’t rule out quality but lower ranked private SLAC’s that give generous merit aid. That was my daughter’s ticket to a debtfree college degree 👍

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Oh for goodness sake. UMD is 17 for computer science on US News — tied with Harvard. Ranked 19 for engineering, ahead of almost all the Ivies. Top 10 in physics. Seriously, no one is embarrassed to be at UMD.

Again, it’s why a said “fair or not.” I’m talking perception, not reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Slap some sense into her (metaphorically speaking). Most kids don't go to their dream schools, either because they can't afford to, or because they don't get accepted. They TALK about going to their dream school. That's different.

Slap some sense into yourself. UMD is a great option. Other state schools will give her a solid education. There is no deprivation or sense of failure anywhere in this scenario.

It sounds like you both carry a chip on your shoulder regarding the divorce and possibly decreased socioeconomic status. You both have to work on yourselves. And please never contribute to developing a sense of injustice or grievance in your kid.

What you should be worrying about is whether she's going to get accepted. I know kids with 4.2 wGPAs and multiple AP, etc, who were rejected.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP your kid needs to wake up.

So do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is that, fair or not, Maryland has zero cachet. Most students and parents are still embarrassed to say they or their kid goes there. Obviously this doesn’t happen with UVA, nor does it happen with the Ra Ra schools.

I totally get what OP is feeling. I do. I certainly would not recommend that she or her daughter incur any unnecessary financial expense to go to school out of state - the college years are fleeting and in the end the Maryland degree is more than fine. But, having said that, it is precisely because of the limited Maryland options that when we move their family to the DMV, we chose Virginia.

Oh for goodness sake. UMD is 17 for computer science on US News — tied with Harvard. Ranked 19 for engineering, ahead of almost all the Ivies. Top 10 in physics. Seriously, no one is embarrassed to be at UMD.

+1

If my DC can get accepted to UMD and save thousands of dollars in tuition compared to other out of state publics, then great. The average GPA is 4.0 / 1400 SAT / 32 ACT. That's competitive admissions. Not a cakewalk.