DC’s friend broke something expensive - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you replace the item yourself. Then don't leave the item out for kids to be able to play with. I don't know what the item is, but put a cover on it, close the door to the room, don't have kids over. Something similar happened to us, and the family offered to pay to replace, but we didn't even consider accepting. Stuff happens.

There was a cover on it. That’s great that even taking what was offered was so unthinkable to you.

You asked for our opinions, so I gave you mine. If you just wanted people to agree with you, you should have said that in your original post.

Seriously. OP, people are doing to disagree with you. For the price you stated, I think you should just pay to repair or replace it.

[Anonymous]

Take what was offered, or split. If the item is expensive and something that would be tempting for a kid to be curious about, they need to be told directly it’s off limits.

[Anonymous]

OP, what if the kid had tripped on the corner of the rug and reached out to save himself and grabbed the turntable and it crashed to the ground? Would you then expect them to pay to repair or replace it?

[Anonymous]

If your financial situation is such that you can afford to replace this without too much grief, I would just do that. I would not have contacted friend at all but since you did I would take their offer. Not sure how they came up with a number without knowing model numbers etc. In the future I would ensure you or DH is in the room with guests if the item can not be moved. Maybe it could be covered?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm on the fence. On the one hand, I would be tempted to go with Lesson Learned.
On the other, I think kid shouldn't get away with playing with it, though did he know he shouldn't.

If i could afford it I would either take what is offered or not have said anything.

I did ask. While this is awkward, I’m not unhappy I did that - I was gracious and I care about my husband. I really don’t see how this one is lesson learned, I guess because DH has been pretty clear that the force taken to create the damage done was purposeful, and the kids aren’t super little anymore, and the parent was present.

Did you tell them you expected reimbursement? You must do that otherwise you leave a grey area. If your husband believes it was done maliciously then demand payment. If they refuse, and you’re as rich as you say, sue them.

Yes. We discussed repair and replacement and that’s when she went to her husband who gave her the lower estimate. I’m not accusing anyone of malice and we’d obviously never sue, but I just wanted to get some feedback because I feel awkward. We’d tabled this over the holidays and DH told me the ultimate replacement cost today.

Sorry OP, I think you're way out of line. If your DH has valuable equipment, it should not be accessible to visitors, especially kid visitors. Never in a million years would I expect guests to pay for something like this.

I am in no way out of line - we all live in smallish apartments, not in DC - I used to live in DC. There is no practical way to make this equipment inaccessible based on the layout of our home. They’ve been over before when the kids were years and years younger. The equipment was under a cover. My friend was in the room, and I was getting stuff to eat for people. No matter what some will tell me, I didn’t do anything wrong here.

Yeah, OP. You need to make it really clear to your kids and to their friends that this is a very expensive and fragile piece of equipment and they are NEVER to touch it.

I will going forward but to be clear, they’ve been over often before, the equipment was always where it was, was always covered, we also made clear when they were younger not to touch, and DH said something was ripped apart - something not innately super-duper-don’t-breathe-by-it delicate. I did not think I’d have to give a renewed warning on a random day years later. This thread is so frustrating. We aren’t grasping nor unreasonable.

So stop coming back or ask Jeff to take it down. He will, you know.

Great friends are worth more than any turntable and 10 is still young and curious. If a child doesn’t have a turntable at home or something as sophisticated as your DH has, they have no idea it’s a do not touch thing. A clear “Do NOT touch the stereo equipment .”, while specifically pointing at every item is what should have been done. So he wasn’t curious before- well, he was this time.
This will make things awkward with your friends.

I’m fine, and what’s the issue with my saying the thread is frustrating? Your advice about what should have been done is such a stretch when you’ve been around those same kids on the same terms when they were smaller and the parent is there. You’re reaching but you know that.

Jeez, I wouldn't be surprised if these people don't want to be friends with you anymore.

[Anonymous]

I’ve lived in a NYC apartment with kids too. We always had play dates outside or in the apartment common play rooms for a reason. Accidents happen! If you have expensive items you can’t put away, host elsewhere or get insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on the fence. On the one hand, I would be tempted to go with Lesson Learned.
On the other, I think kid shouldn't get away with playing with it, though did he know he shouldn't.

If i could afford it I would either take what is offered or not have said anything.

I did ask. While this is awkward, I’m not unhappy I did that - I was gracious and I care about my husband. I really don’t see how this one is lesson learned, I guess because DH has been pretty clear that the force taken to create the damage done was purposeful, and the kids aren’t super little anymore, and the parent was present.

Did you tell them you expected reimbursement? You must do that otherwise you leave a grey area. If your husband believes it was done maliciously then demand payment. If they refuse, and you’re as rich as you say, sue them.

Yes. We discussed repair and replacement and that’s when she went to her husband who gave her the lower estimate. I’m not accusing anyone of malice and we’d obviously never sue, but I just wanted to get some feedback because I feel awkward. We’d tabled this over the holidays and DH told me the ultimate replacement cost today.

Sorry OP, I think you're way out of line. If your DH has valuable equipment, it should not be accessible to visitors, especially kid visitors. Never in a million years would I expect guests to pay for something like this.

I am in no way out of line - we all live in smallish apartments, not in DC - I used to live in DC. There is no practical way to make this equipment inaccessible based on the layout of our home. They’ve been over before when the kids were years and years younger. The equipment was under a cover. My friend was in the room, and I was getting stuff to eat for people. No matter what some will tell me, I didn’t do anything wrong here.

NP. I think you're making a huge deal over something that's not that expensive. You keep saying the mom was in the room, like she saw what her kid was doing. You're acting like these people purposefully ruined this item, which is out of line since you have no actual proof of that.

NP. My husband also has a collection of really nice stereo equipment from the 70’s, and it is expensive to repair or replace, because they don’t make this stuff anymore and you can’t always find someone close by who knows how to repair it. I’m surprised at the number of people jumping down OP’s throat about this. If my kid intentionally damaged someone else’s property I would be mortified, and of course offer to cover the cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a smallish apartment, how was the kid able to maliciously destroy it without anyone seeing or noticing?

Didn't you hear? His parent was RIGHT THERE when he did it! But they didn't stop him! So the whole family is in on it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on the fence. On the one hand, I would be tempted to go with Lesson Learned.
On the other, I think kid shouldn't get away with playing with it, though did he know he shouldn't.

If i could afford it I would either take what is offered or not have said anything.

I did ask. While this is awkward, I’m not unhappy I did that - I was gracious and I care about my husband. I really don’t see how this one is lesson learned, I guess because DH has been pretty clear that the force taken to create the damage done was purposeful, and the kids aren’t super little anymore, and the parent was present.

Did you tell them you expected reimbursement? You must do that otherwise you leave a grey area. If your husband believes it was done maliciously then demand payment. If they refuse, and you’re as rich as you say, sue them.

Yes. We discussed repair and replacement and that’s when she went to her husband who gave her the lower estimate. I’m not accusing anyone of malice and we’d obviously never sue, but I just wanted to get some feedback because I feel awkward. We’d tabled this over the holidays and DH told me the ultimate replacement cost today.

Sorry OP, I think you're way out of line. If your DH has valuable equipment, it should not be accessible to visitors, especially kid visitors. Never in a million years would I expect guests to pay for something like this.

I am in no way out of line - we all live in smallish apartments, not in DC - I used to live in DC. There is no practical way to make this equipment inaccessible based on the layout of our home. They’ve been over before when the kids were years and years younger. The equipment was under a cover. My friend was in the room, and I was getting stuff to eat for people. No matter what some will tell me, I didn’t do anything wrong here.

NP. I think you're making a huge deal over something that's not that expensive. You keep saying the mom was in the room, like she saw what her kid was doing. You're acting like these people purposefully ruined this item, which is out of line since you have no actual proof of that.

NP. My husband also has a collection of really nice stereo equipment from the 70’s, and it is expensive to repair or replace, because they don’t make this stuff anymore and you can’t always find someone close by who knows how to repair it. I’m surprised at the number of people jumping down OP’s throat about this. If my kid intentionally damaged someone else’s property I would be mortified, and of course offer to cover the cost.

I would too - repair but not replacement. But at the same time, as a host I would appreciate the offer and not accept. Both things can be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t demand money. When you have guests around there is always the possibility that things get broken. You should just be gracious about it and chalk it up to bad luck.

+1

I wouldn’t have said anything, TBH. Pretty awkward, and can never really be entirely sure what happened. Are you certain your own kids did not play a role- and where were they when this happened? We don’t keep anything expensive out for this reason, but I understand with apartment living this is harder to avoid.

That said, if someone claimed my kid broke something I’d just pay in full regardless. That said, it may damage the friendship if I felt friend was being difficult or blaming my kid for something he did not do.

But they did do it - DC and I never touch it, the other guests did not, the child said they did it. No one else played a role, and all of these people have been over so many times over the year. The child said they touched it to their mom when asked and had to have opened the cover to do it. She told me he said he touched it.

The kid admitted to touching it, which for a 10 year old is not nothing. The parents agreed to give you money for it. Let it go. Pay the difference because you keep an expensive item out where kids play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see why your husband is pissed. It’s his kid’s friend who came over and acted like a jackalope and HIS prized item gets broken. That sucks.

The kid shouldn’t have been in the turntable. No question. Kids also don’t have a really good idea of a) how something can be damaged and not LOOK broken to them and b) the cost of fixing something that is broken.

The parents should be on the hook but from their perspective, your husband had an expensive item out and their kid didn’t intentionally break it so they’re not going to pony up the full cost.

You unfortunately are in the middle of all these competing perspectives!

I guess I would respond to their initial request and say “A repair isn’t advisable. The full cost to replace is $2300.” Leave it at that. If they say “well, we are only paying the $600 we offered,” leave it there- take the money, put it toward a new one, accept that it really really sucks and never invite that kid over again.

Once you objectively and succinctly convey what the replacement cost is, they might say “ok, we will pay it.” In which case you graciously accept, still invite them over in the future, but make it clear that nobody is to ever touch the turntable.

Sorry, rough little situation!

I'm not sure I'd want to go back to someone's house in that case, honestly. I would offer to pay but I'd be miffed that they (a) didn't insure their precious equipment and (b) took no responsibility themselves for where the item was located.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So weird to put out so many details but then be annoyingly vague on what the object is. Obviously with this obfuscation the other people would still recognize the story.

Eff it. It was part of his stereo. He’s a big music collector. We all live in apartments, we’ve all been over before and the kid deliberately opened the turntable case and ruined something. It wasn’t because of roughhousing.

So the kid opened it on purpose but that doesn't mean he ruined it on purpose. He admitted to touching it but didn't think he had broken it. If it were me, I'd be mortified and would fully pay to replace it, although I'd be a bit annoyed that you left something that expensive out where kids could touch it. Had you previously explained to the kids that they shouldn't touch it? I'm not sure you can be certain the kid broke it on purpose. Not that that changes the cost to replace it, but accidents happen, and that's why expensive things are insured.

NP. I have a 10-year-old, and if she lifted a closed turntable case and ripped something off of it, I would consider that intentional.

We’re talking about a fifth grader, not a toddler.

Do we all really think the kid lifted the lid and ripped something off without anyone noticing? OP certainly thinks this kid did it on purpose, but why would a child purposefully destroy this item? Do they hate OP's kid? Do they have a history of behavioral issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they’re good friends I would just eat it. But it’s up to you.

This. If you actually bill them the cost of the equipment, I would expect that to be the end of the friendship. Up to you which is worth more without knowing if these are good friends who live a few doors down or casual acquaintances you see once a year.

Agree

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see why your husband is pissed. It’s his kid’s friend who came over and acted like a jackalope and HIS prized item gets broken. That sucks.

The kid shouldn’t have been in the turntable. No question. Kids also don’t have a really good idea of a) how something can be damaged and not LOOK broken to them and b) the cost of fixing something that is broken.

The parents should be on the hook but from their perspective, your husband had an expensive item out and their kid didn’t intentionally break it so they’re not going to pony up the full cost.

You unfortunately are in the middle of all these competing perspectives!

I guess I would respond to their initial request and say “A repair isn’t advisable. The full cost to replace is $2300.” Leave it at that. If they say “well, we are only paying the $600 we offered,” leave it there- take the money, put it toward a new one, accept that it really really sucks and never invite that kid over again.

Once you objectively and succinctly convey what the replacement cost is, they might say “ok, we will pay it.” In which case you graciously accept, still invite them over in the future, but make it clear that nobody is to ever touch the turntable.

Sorry, rough little situation!

I'm not sure I'd want to go back to someone's house in that case, honestly. I would offer to pay but I'd be miffed that they (a) didn't insure their precious equipment and (b) took no responsibility themselves for where the item was located.

I mean…it’s stereo equipment. Why wouldn’t it be in the main living area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on the fence. On the one hand, I would be tempted to go with Lesson Learned.
On the other, I think kid shouldn't get away with playing with it, though did he know he shouldn't.

If i could afford it I would either take what is offered or not have said anything.

I did ask. While this is awkward, I’m not unhappy I did that - I was gracious and I care about my husband. I really don’t see how this one is lesson learned, I guess because DH has been pretty clear that the force taken to create the damage done was purposeful, and the kids aren’t super little anymore, and the parent was present.

Did you tell them you expected reimbursement? You must do that otherwise you leave a grey area. If your husband believes it was done maliciously then demand payment. If they refuse, and you’re as rich as you say, sue them.

Yes. We discussed repair and replacement and that’s when she went to her husband who gave her the lower estimate. I’m not accusing anyone of malice and we’d obviously never sue, but I just wanted to get some feedback because I feel awkward. We’d tabled this over the holidays and DH told me the ultimate replacement cost today.

There is zero proof that this child intentionally destroyed it.

Sorry OP, I think you're way out of line. If your DH has valuable equipment, it should not be accessible to visitors, especially kid visitors. Never in a million years would I expect guests to pay for something like this.

I am in no way out of line - we all live in smallish apartments, not in DC - I used to live in DC. There is no practical way to make this equipment inaccessible based on the layout of our home. They’ve been over before when the kids were years and years younger. The equipment was under a cover. My friend was in the room, and I was getting stuff to eat for people. No matter what some will tell me, I didn’t do anything wrong here.

NP. I think you're making a huge deal over something that's not that expensive. You keep saying the mom was in the room, like she saw what her kid was doing. You're acting like these people purposefully ruined this item, which is out of line since you have no actual proof of that.

NP. My husband also has a collection of really nice stereo equipment from the 70’s, and it is expensive to repair or replace, because they don’t make this stuff anymore and you can’t always find someone close by who knows how to repair it. I’m surprised at the number of people jumping down OP’s throat about this. If my kid intentionally damaged someone else’s property I would be mortified, and of course offer to cover the cost.