Dating a twice divorced man

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine is twice divorced. She married at 18 to get out of a bad home. They divorced 2 years later as he drank a lot. Then she married again and had two kids and was married for 15 years. Husband cheated on her and she left. I guess most on here would feel the same about her that she is a red flag and isn’t taking responsibility for her marriages ending and not dateable but she is actually a really lovely person. She was single for 15 years and then in a 5 year relationship. They might have married eventually but he died. I would love for her to find someone to spend her senior years with but all the name calling and criticism on this thread directed at someone like her doesn’t bode well. If men her age are as judgmental as posters on this board, she would get nothing but scorn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you do it? He’s 46 with one kid. Very successful, responsible, hard working, good looking, well educated, great taste/cultured, wants to pay for everything, makes good decisions (except the marriages I guess).

I guess I’d go on dates to learn more but not if I was looking for something serious.

You say nothing about his communication style, culture, upbringing, values, mental disorders, how he resolves conflicts or handles stress.

Or what he got divorced each time. Not that some types tell the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He only says good things about his ex wives. First wife cheated on him, married <1 year. Second marriage 8 years, 10 together, says he tried his best but she broke his heart.

WTF does that cliche mean?
I’d need examples to take him seriously.

Women don’t file for divorce lightly.

Did HE file both times?

+1

[Anonymous]

Already 2 under his belt and he’s only 46! Lmaof

He’s broken. A misfit toy.

Likely quite a player currently love-bombing you.

[Anonymous]

I would not bother, honestly. I am divorced and now with a divorce man so I am not biased against divorce. But I can think of the twice married men I know I they are twice divorced for a reason. This man you describe sounds good on paper but that is it.

[Anonymous]

Oh and one of the twice divorced men I know is a good guy but is attracted to crazy women. I would have to take a good look at myself if that guy was super into me. Ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow... This forum is kind of sad and judgemental. "Two divorces is a pattern." No where in science has two incidents occurring been a pattern, but 100s of judgemental comments toward a person no one here even knows is. That may speak more to divorce rates, and possibly why male suicide rates are so high. Mistakes and circumstances excuse us from happiness? What a pathetic judgement. This forum speaks more about your character then it could ever speak about those you gossip about.

Ha! Found the person on their fourth marriage.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like both the exes are solely to blame, in his mind. Major, major red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure why men always are blamed and responsible for any divorce (even if spouse cheated or was abusive or had major substance use issues) still his fault and if he doesn’t say it was all my fault then he is a red flag and a victim and a loser. But women post on here all the time blaming their spouses and no one answers that they are being losers and not taking responsibility and that any divorce is their fault no matter what happened or how they were treated. It’s a double standard that I don’t quite get.

It's a women's driven forum. Women support women that's all

[Anonymous]

Pass.

She broke my heart? What on earth does that even mean? She fell out of love and left him and the kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He only says good things about his ex wives. First wife cheated on him, married <1 year. Second marriage 8 years, 10 together, says he tried his best but she broke his heart.

So its never his fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you do it? He’s 46 with one kid. Very successful, responsible, hard working, good looking, well educated, great taste/cultured, wants to pay for everything, makes good decisions (except the marriages I guess).

You better date for at least two years, do background check, live together, meet family and friends and kid's mom, before accepting a ring.

[Anonymous]

Poor guy, he needs someone to cheer him up.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for date, but nothing too serious.

FWIW, my grandmother was a 2x divorcee by 28, married her third husband at 33 and they were happily married over 40 years until he passed away.

[Anonymous]

NP. While context does count (as in--was the first a very early starter marriage that flopped fast, etc.) -- there truly are people who just Cannot. Be. Alone. They just need another person in their home. Whether that comes from a romantic notion that people simply "should" be in relationships, or a simple inability to be comfortable having only themselves for company, well, who knows. But whatever the deeper motivations, people who have "can't be alone/must be attached" impulses are not great bets for long-term relationships. The roots won't be very deep. This is based on my close relative who has married five times. Loved each spouse in their way, but ultimately, just wanted someone in the house when they came home--and, importantly, once any relationship started to involve any effort or work, relative would peace out and they'd divorce amicably, or at least without much fuss.

So, twice divorced could be OK, or it could be someone who just wants a warm body around and isn't deeply invested in you as a person, and won't stick around once the relationship requires any real effort.

I love this relative, and they treat spouses very well materially, but just don't have depth and the "stickiness" for lifetime bonds.