Dating a twice divorced man

[Anonymous]

Dating for what purpose?

How old are you? Going about in the world as a man’s third wife would be incredibly embarassing unless you’re an old woman. What would your sister or closest friend with the best judgment advise you to do?

[Anonymous]

Interesting views.

I have a friend who married very young (they were both 19). That husband cheated and they divorced 3 years later. She went on to have a 20 year marriage until that ended as he was very narcissistic and made her life miserable.

I am surprised people would hold her responsible for her husband cheating or say it is her fault how her second husband treated her and that she is playing the victim. She has zero interest in getting married again and probably a good thing given these comments!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting views.

I have a friend who married very young (they were both 19). That husband cheated and they divorced 3 years later. She went on to have a 20 year marriage until that ended as he was very narcissistic and made her life miserable.

I am surprised people would hold her responsible for her husband cheating or say it is her fault how her second husband treated her and that she is playing the victim. She has zero interest in getting married again and probably a good thing given these comments!

Your friend obviously has poor judgement about very important decisions


One divorce is a yellow flag. Two is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Date, yes. Get married, hard no. People who marry multiple times don't get better at being married. They get better at bailing at the first time an issue comes up.

[Anonymous]

Well, none of the characteristics that you listed are related to his EQ or ability to relate or attach or otherwise have a successful relationship.

None of the reasons for his divorces indicate that he has taken a hard look at his relationship patterns. Has he done therapy? Does he understand why he was attracted to these women who hurt him? And what made him pick them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:date him? sure. Introduce him to my kids and take him seriously as a long-term partner? Unlikely.

This.

Think about it.

Two women got to know him independently, made a commitment to them, and then left.

One could be just the other person but two is a pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Twice divorced is a red flag. Don't waste your time.

I'd move on, OP. Likely to end in heartbreak for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:date him? sure. Introduce him to my kids and take him seriously as a long-term partner? Unlikely.

This.

Think about it.

Two women got to know him independently, made a commitment to them, and then left.

One could be just the other person but two is a pattern.

Women will look past a lot of flaws for a good provider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you do it? He’s 46 with one kid. Very successful, responsible, hard working, good looking, well educated, great taste/cultured, wants to pay for everything, makes good decisions (except the marriages I guess).

Nothing wrong with dating anyone due to their history. Dating is just that - dating. Marrying someone is when you take into consideration their history. If he has been divorced twice there is a clear reason. Find the real reasons why both marriages failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:date him? sure. Introduce him to my kids and take him seriously as a long-term partner? Unlikely.

This.

Think about it.

Two women got to know him independently, made a commitment to them, and then left.

One could be just the other person but two is a pattern.

How do you know the women moved on? How do you know it wasn't the man who wanted the divorce?

[Anonymous]

If you marry him, will his vows be, “THIS time, FOR REAL, I promise…”

[Anonymous]

Rather date twice divorced man than date a women with several sex partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you marry him, will his vows be, “THIS time, FOR REAL, I promise…”

NP. He may not use those words, OP, but yes, this will be communicated to you somehow -- or you'll tell yourself this.

Dating? Because you and he share some interests in common and have fun together? Sure.

But if you are at all thinking eventually you want to marry or be in a committed relationship -- with anyone -- don't put time and energy into dates that won't lead to that goal.

Dating a twice-divorced person, if your own goal is dating to find a relationship/marriage, would be wasting time and emotional effort. Of course there are exceptions, he could be a great guy, self-aware, has "done the work" on himself, etc. but short of ALL that, I'd be concerned about the track record, even if he's positive about his exes and they're positive about him.

Source: Decades of observing a close relative who was married five times. No lie, five. And each one was The One until she wasn't, or until things were not smooth and easy every single day.

[Anonymous]

My mom and stepdad are each on their third marriage. It seems to be working for them. BUT it’s weirdly dysfunctional and not a marriage I would be happy in. It’s possible you’re the lid to his pot, OP, but it’s not the least bit possible that he’s blameless in the divorces and you just got incredibly lucky in finding him and snapping him up. So it just depends on what you’re thinking going in.

[Anonymous]

The whole “tried his best but she broke his heart” would have me asking for more details. Does he show any indication of being a controlling personality? Because I can see a young marriage imploding after a year when the first wife runs to another guy to escape a bad situation, and then a second marriage ending after he “tried” but she couldn’t take the emotional abuse anymore.

Is this a ridiculous scenario? Sure, it could be. Or it could explain his situation. I’d take it slow with him and be on the lookout for red flags.