Dating a twice divorced man

[Anonymous]

If he has all those positive qualities and is twice divorced, OP should run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he has all those positive qualities and is twice divorced, OP should run.

Hahaha. I had the same thoughts sure he could just be twice unlucky but probably not.

What jumps out to me is a) the flipside to the qualifies OP listed is a controlling personality type. B) it seems he takes no responsibility in his divorces there are very few cases where only one person is at fault.

This is an old thread so I'm curious how things went for OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He only says good things about his ex wives. First wife cheated on him, married <1 year. Second marriage 8 years, 10 together, says he tried his best but she broke his heart.

Sounds exactly like a man I dated (same age). He was still married to wife #2

[Anonymous]

Bumping this thread to see if there is an update for OP.

Second wife here (recently divorced, and I thought I was careful when I first met my exH given his prior “starter” marriage and through conversations with him, his friends, and time, I had properly vetted. Spoiler alert: I didn’t.)

I’m morbidly curious how he explained this stuff to his current girlfriend (who overlapped).

I don’t see the need to get married again myself. I wanted that structure for my family as we have children together. But I will stop at one marriage.

[Anonymous]

Multiple failed marriages and you think things will be different with and for you ..

Nope 🚩

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I've been married once, and we are still married.

But all this hate for people who have been divorced even once, let alone twice.

I know we love to be judgey, but I don't think an early marriage in your 20s, then a 10-25 year marriage that ends in divorce, is so horrible. Not ideal, maybe. Something to be cognizant of and see how the individual handles it, but lets give a little grace here.

I see it as a belief in love and romance. It may not work out. Fine. Learn something and move on. I don't see it as a moral failing. I do see all the judging as a moral failing, though.

Just maybe take individuals one at a time rather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I've been married once, and we are still married.

But all this hate for people who have been divorced even once, let alone twice.

I know we love to be judgey, but I don't think an early marriage in your 20s, then a 10-25 year marriage that ends in divorce, is so horrible. Not ideal, maybe. Something to be cognizant of and see how the individual handles it, but lets give a little grace here.

I see it as a belief in love and romance. It may not work out. Fine. Learn something and move on. I don't see it as a moral failing. I do see all the judging as a moral failing, though.

Just maybe take individuals one at a time rather.

+1.


I wouldn't even consider the first one marriage.

So he has been married once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I will offer a guy's perspective. Just remember that most divorces are initiated by women. And often people will assume the guy is responsible because the woman initiated. Now the only thing I will say though is that after 2 divorces, the odds for further divorces significantly go up.

How old are you? That's very important? How old is his kid? Do you have any kids? If no, would you like to have kids? These are important things to know.

Most women do not take divorce lightly. Women put up with a lot before they initiate divorce. Women have been told by society that their value in romantic relationships depreciate as they age, so they bear and bear until they can no longer bear. Generally, it would take a lot for a woman to divorce a good looking, high earner.

I will bet money that this guy screwed up big time in his second marriage. Does not mean he is any worse than all the other divorced guys out there. At least he is good looking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I've been married once, and we are still married.

But all this hate for people who have been divorced even once, let alone twice.

I know we love to be judgey, but I don't think an early marriage in your 20s, then a 10-25 year marriage that ends in divorce, is so horrible. Not ideal, maybe. Something to be cognizant of and see how the individual handles it, but lets give a little grace here.

I see it as a belief in love and romance. It may not work out. Fine. Learn something and move on. I don't see it as a moral failing. I do see all the judging as a moral failing, though.

Just maybe take individuals one at a time rather.

I would take them at extreme caution. OP basically described my DH and he's very controlling, critical, double standards/hypocritical, punched a wall next to me in an argument, and has threatened to kill me because he didn't like how I talked to him in an argument about nothing that matters. None of this came out until we were married and he felt “trapped” and blamed me for “ruining his life”. When we dated, he described his ex as the “devil” Amd continued to express hate throughout their coparenting relationship. Anyone who blames their ex for their failed relationship or other problems should be viewed with extreme caution. Me - I will never date again.

[Anonymous]

Agree with immediate PP. both cases the guy is making himself the victim. Zero accountability. If he checks all those amazing boxes why did both women leave.

That’s what I want to say to anyone naive enough to date my ex. I gave up that lifestyle and the amazing man he purports to be simply because we “grew apart”?! Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you do it? He’s 46 with one kid. Very successful, responsible, hard working, good looking, well educated, great taste/cultured, wants to pay for everything, makes good decisions (except the marriages I guess).

You have to find out "who left who" in divorce situations.

It's almost always the fault of the person who ran off and filed for divorce. Almost always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you do it? He’s 46 with one kid. Very successful, responsible, hard working, good looking, well educated, great taste/cultured, wants to pay for everything, makes good decisions (except the marriages I guess).

You have to find out "who left who" in divorce situations.

It's almost always the fault of the person who ran off and filed for divorce. Almost always.

This could be read as a misogynistic woman-hating post since 70% of divorces are filed by women, and approximately 1 in 4 divorces cite abuse.

[Anonymous]

The bottom line is that it is, in fact, stupid to date a 46-year-old twice-divorced dad. First, he's probably broke or close to it after two divorces. Second, when you get divorced, you'll have to deal with the ridicule of hearing "I told you so" from everyone you know. Third, divorced men are often angry, and anger is dangerous. Twice divorced, twice the anger. Fourth, history repeats itself; he's got a pattern. Fifth, he's got a kid, so there are guaranteed conflicting priorities and loyalty conflicts. Sixth, you're starting from a losing position. First marriages swim with the current, second marriages swim against the current, and third marriages are like bailing out the ocean with a teaspoon.

Be sensible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you do it? He’s 46 with one kid. Very successful, responsible, hard working, good looking, well educated, great taste/cultured, wants to pay for everything, makes good decisions (except the marriages I guess).

Do your diligence.

Those are just surface level identity labels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He only says good things about his ex wives. First wife cheated on him, married <1 year. Second marriage 8 years, 10 together, says he tried his best but she broke his heart.

Sounds exactly like a man I dated (same age). He was still married to wife #2

lol

Dating married men who say they’re single.